Hi i'm Wraith

I'm 31 and just starting to address my gender issue's, it finally feels like the right time etc. i've known what I was/who I am since about 7yrs old and can remember deciding at about 12 after watching a late night documentry I would never have surgery however if I should miraculously change one day that would be great, enough dreaming me thinks!!

Didn't have the ideal childhood by any means so as soon as I was old enough to feed and clothe myself I told my family to get lost and worked my way round the world for a few years, been back in the Uk for what seems like forever and am now quite settled. I work in a very masculine job and build and ride custom motorbikes for fun, oh yeah i'm quite the party anilmal when I get going.

So to the relevant stuff, the COGIATI test I took rates me at a 35 which means i'm essentially androgonous both male and female at the same time (a third sex?) I identify with both polarities masculine and feminine, dig being a man to a degree, enough said about all the things that go with that. Since I was a child however i've dressed as woman whenever I get the chance or allow myself, I feel most alive when I allow the feminine side of my to come out and not keep it buried deep inside, just to let go and imagine being a woman is amazing.

Untill recently the occasional shopping trip and dressing session is all i've allowed myself, obviously well aware of the transexual/gender community it never really seemed to be me I don't want to be a full time woman I do however want to get rid of this thing between my legs that just is not me!! I tried it out as a teenager and just don't dig, didn't get the fancying girls thing and am still a virgin to this day, ouch I just said that out loud for the first time, yes it's true and I would love to be intimate with somebody female /male and one day I will meet that person.

I decided to do something about this gender issue after getting on line a couple of months ago and finding out just how big the transgender thing was so a big thankyou to all the people who organise, contribute and are just plain brave enough to come out and address these issues in public THANKYOU!!!!! it has brought me to the realisation that i've only got one life and i've got a chance to sort out the thing that has held me back on many occasions in the past.

I'm posting this because i'm still only on the first rung of the ladder and have a long way to go and any advice would be much apreciated. First appointment with gp next week am looking to get reffered to a specialist is this the way to go? I live in devon about as backward as it gets would it be better to go further afield for medical help? most of all I would love to make some friends I live a lonely life and really want to sort that out. Have booked a hotel for sparkle and plan to make that my coming out weekend would like to know a couple of people before hand if poss, really want to have a go at the netball thing. If you've read all this i'm most impressed look forward to chatting, meeting, some nice people, thanks again Wraith.

Hello Wraith, and Welcome to the Zone!

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http://www.spinwatch.org/

Hi Wraith and welcome to tzone.

Wraith wrote:

I'm posting this because i'm still only on the first rung of the ladder and have a long way to go and any advice would be much apreciated. First appointment with gp next week am looking to get reffered to a specialistis is this the way to go? I live in devon about as backward as it gets would it be better to go further afield for medical help?

What kind of medical help are you trying to get?
I'm a little confused, you said that you would never have surgery but then later you said "I do however want to get rid of this thing between my legs that just is not me"
You also said that you don't want to be a full time woman. Are you looking to have some kind of partial transition?

Sorry for the questions, I'm just not understanding what kind of help and advice you want.

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Chrissy
Forums Moderator.

Always have faith and believe in yourself.
Never run from the truth.
Have the will to change your fate and your spirit will never die.
Check out the tzone team bios here: http://www.transgenderzone.com/bio.htm

Hi
guess that was a bit confusing thanks for reading, as a 12yr old I decided surgery was not the way forward and hoped things would miraculously change on their own as an adult surgery is now a very realistic option, your right in that i'm lookin for a partial transition, i'm 6ft5 with a very deep voice if the world were blind I would never come close to passing as a woman. I wax all over and love my body accept for whats between my legs, I need to sort this out so am going to see my GP, what i'm worried about is I live in a very backward narrow minded place and I need to move forward with this, so do I need my GP on side, is he the person who will have power over my future or do I ask for a referal and bypass him instantly for a specialist. I don't want a file to sit on his desk with nothing happening. You are the people who have been and are going through the transitiong, nhs process was hoping to make it a bit smoother if poss, thanks Wraith

This thread about partial reassignment might be interesting for you to read.
http://tzone.freeforums.org/partial-reassignment-t427.html

I'm afraid that I have no experience of how to go about getting a partial reassignment. I don't even know if it would be possible on the NHS to be honest.

_________________
Chrissy
Forums Moderator.

Always have faith and believe in yourself.
Never run from the truth.
Have the will to change your fate and your spirit will never die.
Check out the tzone team bios here: http://www.transgenderzone.com/bio.htm

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"...risk something, take back whats yours, say something that you know they might attack you for..."

I've not had anything to do with the NHS since I was a kid and also doubt very much if somebody will wave a magic wand and grant me srs surgery
on the NHS, I belive it requires 2yrs of full time living etc etc. Was planning on paying and going private however I still need letters of recomendation specialists and to be honest some counselling/somebody to talk to would be really nice, Hormones as well will be neccessary pre/post op. Really glad I logged into this site, this is the most i've talked about this, have read the thread you suggested nice one. Am quite blown away didn't expect anybody to reply let alone offer usefull suggestions cheers, princess definatly
thanks to Stella Maru for the welcome

_________________
Chrissy
Forums Moderator.

Always have faith and believe in yourself.
Never run from the truth.
Have the will to change your fate and your spirit will never die.
Check out the tzone team bios here: http://www.transgenderzone.com/bio.htm

Cheers Nathan,

Thats exactly what I need to know, I'm about to put myself through as much stress, pain,frustration and sheer hell as I ever have done before to get a pussy and nobody I assosiate with will ever understand cheers

Wraith,

You have taken a huge step in coming to this site and investigating more about gender transitions. Take a deep breath and pat yourself on the back. There are lots of good role models on this site, and in society in general, for people considering sex-change.

I, personally, chose to transition because I felt, and always have felt, that I was 100% male. But I am gradually beginning to understand that there are more than 2 genders. You may find that your path is very similar to male-to-female trans people on this site. You may find that your path is quite different. You should feel free to be and live exactly as you want. Take your time. Find out the effects of therapies and surgeries, and think about how you want to live.

If you want to pursue treatment or surgery, I would suggest that you consider using the NHS. You have rights to this type of treatment, and you have laws, precedents, and modern medical science on your side. You don't HAVE to go private. (If you are able to and prefer it go ahead, of course) Living in a backward town you may find that your GP is stumped. I've found that stumped GP's are always VERY happy to make referrals. You may even have to educate your GP a bit yourself. But the NHS can, and should support you through any transition you decide to make.

I wish you the best of luck with whatever you chose to pursue. It can be a long, difficult journey... but there are lots of good people who know a bit about how you feel and want to help.

Joel E.

Joel E,
You would be one of those good people then, thats great advice and I will take the words of encouragement with me, thankyou! have fun Wraith

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WRAITH:
A ghost or hallucination seen in one's own likeness

I saw that you have writen on Joels blog, so I thought I would find yourts and write to you.

Son tell us about the things you've been up to these past few weeks?

Happy birthday, your still young.

Did you do any thing for your big day? Dinner? Tipple? Dip in the sea?
Long walk? You know ....some thing.

_________________
" Too many years fighting the tears, Why can't the past just die. Try to for give, teach me to live, give me the strength to try. No more memories, no more silent tears, no more gazing across the wasted years, help me to say. Goodbye"
From Phantom Of The Opera

Fishkeeper is Admin staff for FTM's.
My Bio. http://www.transgenderzone.com/bio.htm
we have a library
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feel free to browse

See, now, TFK is much more sensible than me - I wished you a happy birthday in Joel's blog instead of here! Anyway, in case you don't see it there, HAPPY BIRTHDAY from me too - I hope you have a great day!

Dave

Hi!
Thanks for the happy birthdays Nice One! I had a great night out with friends. The last few weeks have been full of firsts, I made the first visit to the GP and it was a really cool experience, the doc was a middle aged man wearing cordery and tweed as you'd expect and didn't know what to do with himself, a beautiful twist of fate however had left him with a trainee for the day, she was an australian girl 8mnths pregnant, completely loved up, glowing and thought I was the sweetest thing 100% empathy and made it her mission to get on the case and find a specialist, Appointment on the way, (yes I consider myself very luck). Lots of other silly things, I walked into a beauty salon wow!! the inner sanctum, am now a regular!!! I've booked a hotel and tickets for sparkle in a couple of weeks and have been using up holiday to go clothes shopping. I've found an assistant who liked the challenge of dressing a 6ft5 man to look like a woman, never thought i'd be able to actually try clothes on in a major high street shop dig!! etc etc I waffle on. Thanks for taking an interest, am hoping to make some friends at sparkle (still want to have a go at the netball tournament 6ft5 tall and can catch think about it any takers???) have fun Wraith

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WRAITH:
A ghost or hallucination seen in one's own likeness

I doubt I'll be playing netball at Sparkle, somehow, but it'd be great to meet you! I'll be around on the Saturday on the MORF stall, and helping organise the other FTM stuff that's happening too - come and find me, you should recognise me from my avatar photo.

Dave