Since it seems ok to do a Daily blog on here. I thought it would make sense. I do ironicly use live journal normaly but for this kind of thing, i tend to not want some of the people on there to know, i panic enough as it is. >.>.

Im not really a brave person. I have a extreamly "loud" personality, which is why i want to work on radio. ^_^ There is never a day i don't make someone laugh with just random things and that truely makes me happy. Ive spent a long time working on my personality since people seem to find it almost too easy to talk to me. I never complain but for a long time, it has been a front.

You sort of put on a brave face, solider on since no one knows differently. Yesterday, the day i went to the doctor to finaly start the whole process was the first time ive ever felt brave. I really felt scared since everyone tells me "Its not a small choice"....i knew it wasnt, but sometimes its not great to hear all the time.

The odd thing about it all is now i do feel more confident, extreamly so. I feel like i could fight for the world >.> even though i know the hardest bit has not even started.

Oh, um. I better put somethings about me.

I live in Royston, near Barnsley. Im wanting to train to be in Radio as ive said. Im also rather heavy, but that is due to a rather bad genetic issue (one that ISN'T made up admitedly). Im quiet a cuddly person in real life people say. >.> Its why i have the nickname "Worca". Worca means "Wolf and Orca", since im very protective "Wolf" but very cuddly and friendly "Orca" (though...i don't think people know orcas well they eat sealions).

Anyway. ^_^ Leave any comment youd like. Il admit, its a new thing for me this, il update it if anything big happens.

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Sometimes being scared helps. But geting help isn't a bad thing ether.

Im just making a list of questions to myself. If you can answer these....id like to know.

I was told that my weight dosn't matter so much, but il put on lots easily. >.> Would it be easier for me to attempt (being a key word) to slim down?

Um...Ive also been talking about my "year" i am going to do. I kind of wounder how i am going to do it, since ive been told many ways. The whole "hiding" way...or taking life as is. What would be best and what do each way sort of intale.

There are more...but il stick to myself. >.> Since these are more "wounders"...not really pressing, i don't think they need to go in the "ask a question" bit. ^_^

Im going clothes shopping today too with a girl who is helping me. Scared a bit but she says il be fine. ^_^ heh.

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Sometimes being scared helps. But geting help isn't a bad thing ether.

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Chrissy
Forums Moderator.

Always have faith and believe in yourself.
Never run from the truth.
Have the will to change your fate and your spirit will never die.
Check out the tzone team bios here: http://www.transgenderzone.com/bio.htm

Its the whole "awkward situation" im worried about. I live in barnsley and there have been a few issues involving trans being beaten to hell and back. Im scared abotu that myself. Hiding isn't a choice really for me since if you are wanting to be confident later on, you gotta bite the bullet, right?

As for Radio training. The local YMCA do a radio course (of all places). Which i will be doing, but untill then, Hospital Radio is my line. Im waiting for them to get in contact with me. Is going to be interesting. ^_^

Thanks for being honest. I sound a bit daft i know, im sort of...learning i guess. Sorry.

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Sometimes being scared helps. But geting help isn't a bad thing ether.

Hi Worca,

The 'year' depends on where you are. I know that up here it's one year although some places elsewhere like to have two and rarely, three. I know CHX is trying to put it down to one but chances are even in the one year places, there's a waiting list .

As far as slimming down goes, I think I know how you feel there having been fat all of my life until recently. WeightWatchers is by far the best thing I've ever tried! It's less than a year later and two stone down. If you're heavier, you'll lose more quicker on the plan. I'd definately suggest giving it a look. It's not so hard once you're in the swing of it and really want to do it.

Good luck with both .

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Hellfrozeover be a pirate and a Transgenderzone moderator.

I don't stand under the TG umbrella anymore, it's way too bitchy and crowded in there but it's sunny out here

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Sometimes being scared helps. But geting help isn't a bad thing ether.

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Chrissy
Forums Moderator.

Always have faith and believe in yourself.
Never run from the truth.
Have the will to change your fate and your spirit will never die.
Check out the tzone team bios here: http://www.transgenderzone.com/bio.htm

Moving isn't really a choice when your having employment issues currently. Its like hitting your head against a wall but im getting there now. Untill i get a good income, il be here for a while. Barnsley is known for beating up other trans unfortunatly. It comes with all the drunkards and such.

As for dressing how i want, ive not been out yet due to confidence. I am really wanting to but its a case of im limited to how brave i can feel around here. Im not the most good looking and of course i wouldn't pass well. To most, id just look like a fat guy in drag. -_-. But the clothes shopping was ok . I got a nice sort of night-gown thing. Only thing im finding hard to do is shave more often. When the whole doctor scaring me off thing, >.> I got quiet fuzzy. Really wish i knew a easier way to get rid of it all. Heh.

And thanks. Its kind of ironic i sound so un-confident, but in most other things, im over-confident sometimes.

Edit :- Oh. Better put what happened today. Was a big day of sorts.

Since im trying slowly to geting more confident for the RLT (Real life Trial), i decided to just spend the day in a sort of summer dress thing. Was nice...um...was odd when the postman knocked but he said miss so i feel rather happy. ^_^. Il admit though that my heart jumped a million beats when i forgot i was still wearing it. I went to a friends too....admitedly saying id not show up at his work (Game station....im a gamer) as id be scared of embaresing him. He said to "Shut up, becouse if your thinking like that, there isn't a point to the whole change then is there?"......Kind of had me thinking all day.

What is a good way to build confidence. I mean...like ive said. Im not the greatest looking person so im just worried. -_-.

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Sometimes being scared helps. But geting help isn't a bad thing ether.

Ok, just a extra question if anyone can answer it in detail >.>.

I have 2 friends who are trans themselfs, nearing the end of it all and ive had 2 answers to this.

Will me being rather heavy make a difference per say? >.>

This seems silly but....one side said "No, just fitness" the otherside said "Yes". >.> *holds head*

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Sometimes being scared helps. But geting help isn't a bad thing ether.

_________________
Chrissy
Forums Moderator.

Always have faith and believe in yourself.
Never run from the truth.
Have the will to change your fate and your spirit will never die.
Check out the tzone team bios here: http://www.transgenderzone.com/bio.htm

The issue i have is what i need to do without geting into trouble with local morons. The problem i feel is i don't exactly look very female.

My face does a bit acording to some, but thats it. >.>. I guess i could try going to the newspaper shop sometime. *gulp*

Clothes first though. I only have a dress id not wear anywhere outside.

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Sometimes being scared helps. But geting help isn't a bad thing ether.

_________________
Chrissy
Forums Moderator.

Always have faith and believe in yourself.
Never run from the truth.
Have the will to change your fate and your spirit will never die.
Check out the tzone team bios here: http://www.transgenderzone.com/bio.htm

The term today is "A push in the right direction"

The lady as the A4e place was very helpful and ....pushed me in a direction that i didn't really feel like trying untill now.

Becouse you have to do your real life thing, i am going to do my whole placement in trans clothing. ^_^ *smiles* Its becouse it would be bad to change sort of "self" in the middle of the placement.

This is going to be interesting. Does anyone feel its a smart idea?

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Sometimes being scared helps. But geting help isn't a bad thing ether.

Hmm....a waxing thing for my legs.

Would save on cutting myself to ribbons.

nice clothes that fit. ^_^ So far so good.

Working on my voice.

working on other things....

I might post a picture soon....-_- though il be depressed to do so.

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Sometimes being scared helps. But geting help isn't a bad thing ether.

"Im not the most good looking and of course i wouldn't pass well. "
Dont take this the wrong way,but,have you seen the women of Barnsley?
Dont put yourself down babes,theres a whole heap of people out there that can do that,think positive ,smile and act dahling,the world is now your stage,shine.
From one Yorkshire lass to another,can I maybe make a couple of suggestions?
Its winter,do what half the female population does at this time of year,let yer legs get fuzzy:) Thats what thick tights and/or Jeans are for
Speaking of jeans,you talk a lot about dresses,do you have any "day today" female clothes,ie,normal everday wear like a nice pair of jeans,comfy tops(roll neck sweaters are a winner) that sort of thing?If you havnt,and I dont know how "fussy" you may be but,one thing I did a couple of years ago was drive myself off to a town I normally have nothing to do with,but isnt too far from home,and set off on an expedition round the charity shops(dont go ugh,most these days are chock full of factory seconds or stuff that may have been worn once) and at first had a cock n bull story ready for why I (I went in drab) was looking at all this womens clothing,I picked up a couple of things(and a lovely pair of brown knee high western style boots for a fiver brand new:) )before stumbling across one shop with a sole woman working there that I just had the feeling was going to be cool,after a bit of a chat I "confesed"...and you know what,for the next hour I had a personal shopper and "big sis",she helped me pick things out,gave honest opinions as I tried various items on and generaly renewed my faith in humanity. I left her shop£40.00 less well off but with a SUITCASE FULL of clothes,all styles,from sports wear to evening wear and everything between
ps,she threw the suitcase in for free