'It wasn't my choice to be a transgender'

Ethan Baron
The Province - British Columbia
30th March 2008

William, born female, has always known he was really male.

At age two, his mother was dressing the family's children -- three daughters -- for a Christmas Eve party. William, who then had a girl's name, was having none of it.

"He said, 'Little boys do not wear dresses,'" his mother told The Province. "That was one of the last times we ever put a dress on him."

His real name isn't William, but the Fraser Valley teenager, now 19, says he's suffered discrimination because of the kind of person he is, and using his real name would expose him to further bigotry.

As a child, William wanted to play hockey, but young girls couldn't. He settled for ringette.

When one sister annoyed him, he bashed her head into the wall. When the other angered him, he broke her thumb.

When his sisters and their friends wanted to play with Barbies, "I wanted to play with Hot Wheels," he says.

His parents began to realize there was something different about their daughter, who wouldn't dress like a girl, who demanded that her hair be kept short and who kept battling the establishment until she was allowed to play hockey. They thought William must be a lesbian.

"His father and I thought he was just very butch," his mother said.

Today, in the family room, a shelf holds an old hockey photo of William as a pretty adolescent girl with dark hair a little longer than that of the average boy. His father had promised him new hockey gear if he grew his hair out for a month.

"I hated it," William said. "I wore a hat to school."

His genitals repulsed him. He used bandages to flatten his breasts and got his grandma to buy him the boys' clothing his mother refused him.

He had a hard time at school, and was constantly in trouble for responding angrily to kids' verbal jabs about his behaviour and appearance.

"Even if I went into the girls' bathroom, they're like, 'Get out, you're a boy!'"

In Grade 10, watching an Oprah Winfrey Show on transgendered people, William learned he was not alone in his predicament and that he could physically become male through surgery and hormone therapy.

He wrote a letter to his parents.

"OK, this is to let you two know why I am like I am," he scrawled on lined, three-hole foolscap. "I'm a transgender, I'm not a lezbien [sic] like you guys thought, but I do like girls.

"I know you'll be really upset with me but it wasn't my choice to be a transgender. And I want to go see a doctor about starting testosterone, so I can start the transition."

Fearing his dad would think him a "pervert" and kick him out of the house, he left the letter on his parents' bed.

The news was tough for his parents to take.

"I was in total shock and so was my husband," his mother said. "I still keep trying to figure out whether I did something wrong when I was pregnant. I myself think it's a type of birth defect."

Though thrown for a loop by the letter, William's mom reassured him about his place in the family.

"I told him he was conceived in love, and he will always be loved. I said we will do everything we can to help him on his journey, and through life."

William has had one intimate relationship, with a girl who didn't mind that he was different.

"We were just like any other teenagers," he said. "We would go out to dinner and hold hands."

Her mother, however, didn't want him around her daughter.

Her mom wouldn't even look me in the eye," he said.

"She told my girlfriend I was not normal, and that hurt more than my girlfriend breaking up with me."

Last fall, William had his ovaries and uterus removed in one surgery, then had his breasts removed in another. He'll be taking male hormones for the rest of his life.

Because phalloplasty, the creation of a penis using forearm tissue and vaginal nerves, is considered experimental by B.C.'s Medical Services Plan, William plans to save money and get a loan to cover the $50,000 to $100,000 cost.

Meanwhile, he's working a warehouse job. He's planning to get his ticket as a heavy-machine operator, and in his spare time, he works on his Toyota Tercel, and will be helping his dad rebuild a classic Dodge.

ebaron@png.canwest.com