Just thought we could share our thoughts / experience on how to explain people what a trans person feels and, in general, what it is to be a trans. How to prove it is not a mental disability or mental quirk, but simply how you feel yourself?

Recently, I came to the idea I kind of liked.

I compare being a trans with a person who has to wear boots / shoes that are too tight for him / her.

I mean, isn't it what we feel? Something that reminds of itself every second, especially when we have to move (communicate). You can live with it (well, I can) but it can realy poison your existence.
You get mad, or depressed, of don't to go out, simply because your boots are too tight -you do not feel comfortable, every step gives you pain.
And when you try to change them and put a different pair on, people would tell you they are not for you, and you should wear your old pair, just because everybody of your size and looks wear something similar.

Well, something like that...

I'd like to know other people's explanations and I'm also interested in possible weak points my explanation can have. Maybe just for me it sounds so convincing, because I really feel something like that.

For me id describe bein trans as like bein in prison in solitary confinement (spelt wrong). Imprisoned inside. The eyes bein the windows of the cell. Lookin out at the world but not livin it.
Frustrated at bein caged 24/7, feelin like you could explode at any time.

I sometimes wonder whats it like for non trans people to wake up every mornin and not have the feelings we do. To see their bodies and like what they see. To go thru life without the added angst we have. They still moan and whinge about the silliest of things. Until they have walked a mile in our shoes they could never understand the despair of what bein trans really is.

this is an interesting one - really and truly

i would say its total psychosocial detachment from the reality that is around

almost like a video game you have to take part in - you know its not real but you have no other choice

as one grows up the points of reference change

as a child the reference is not as obvious - puberty for many is damaging to the spirit to the extent that individuals can become angry and aggressive - the hate for themselves projected as hate for others - who have it so much 'better' for those who attempt to be who they are years of bullying and isolation await

so denial is the order of the day until such time when its 'safe' to mentally deal or cope with it

later there is deceit or 'secrets and lies' whereby the individual living stealthy wishes to integrate into society at last - assuming they have the primary constitution to do this (they look and sound good in other words) they face further social stressors - when to tell the partner when to tell friends - do the friends know already and are just being polite (or what Erving Goffman describes as 'Courtesy Stigma') - therefore a paranoia can develop and this is yet another layer of stress and strain - possibly leading to becoming more and more reclusive in older age - unable to get a job and build a secure fund can mean a living of poverty and disability

what it is to be trans very much depends on the age culture and social dynamics at play

for some it can be fun and a good laugh - even leading to celebrity - would anyone have cared about Nadia if she had not been transsexual - probably not

so for her it paid off

people do know who she is after all so stealth is not an option for her now

for others with 'severe' family members it can be a bloody nitemare

for others with sensitive family members it can be a joy

how long is a piece of string - this long

if people need a one sentence answer

one word - stressful
one sentence - a total detachment from the rest of the peer group leading to intra personal contemplation and sexual practices in other words wanting to be your sexual partner rather than be with them leading to fantasy masturbation and post coital self disgust

thats a barrell of laughs then init eh X)

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Man [...] must count no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth." (Jean Paul Sartre, 1943)

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I look back at most of my life and think "WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?!??"

Horrible.like Mike said,imprisioned for life,i know some are free'd-possibly being complete and feeling how they should be.the feeling of being cursed and disgusting like comes to my mind every day,i'm not sure if everyone loathes themselves in such a manner but I feel like a chrysalis,entombed.

Again as Mike said,people complain about the smallest of things,even members of my family "you should have my migraine,you wouldn't know such pain-you really have no idea,I have had it for over a week" mmmm? if only we could be understood that we have to endure ourselves until we pass away-and then and only then like a butterfly can we truly be free.

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Quote:as someone who used to suffer from migraines i can assure you that they are no 'small thing'. honestly, i used to spend nights praying for either sleep or death. i wasn't fussed which. and i was only ten years old.

I think we have all suffered from migraines at some stage in our lives so no need to take it "personally" one was using this merely as an example,migraines disappear,as do many other common ailments.

If all i suffered from was the odd migraine then i am sure i would be a lot happier,it is also extremely unfair of you to to use something which you "used to suffer from" and that one" maybe we should brush up on our own compassion. you know? "

well dear,when i was being molested from 6 years of age,beaten with a carpet beater and thrown in the cellar with bread and water there was no compassion showed and this was because i was different-you know a freak child so Please don't slaughter me taking such minor issues and making something pretty awful out of them.Compassion,you have no idea.

You know,every horrible day i wake up with this rubbish in my head,i know what it is like to self harm from such an early age,how many attempt suicide at 7 years of age,help....christ there is no real help,your'e just brushed away like discarded trash,Not only having to deal with this evil family and their disgusting horrid antics,not only having to try and deal with being a freak child,i was also adopted by an overtly racist english and may i say-as per the memorandum says "white family",indeed i am mixed race and have no negroid characteristics from my mother-i think i do.

having to deal with tg or whatever is enough for any child,racism is yet another which is really horrible,and the sexual and mental torture.nope,i am 43 years of age and i still wake up sobbing my heart out.

la_glitch

If i bit your head off then it was because i don't feel like i should have to explain anything to anyone,this is an open forum and i feel as if i have been misunderstood as i have always been. and i am supposedly a a very well adjusted person under the circumstances.

i was making a general point, mostly about how people can play something i've heard called the pain game. you know, when people turn around and say how somebody else has no idea about how they feel and they use that to make the other person feel bad? sure, you were flagging somebody who would have been doing such a thing, but you were countering it with your own pain and suggesting they wouldn't understand that either. and so on and so round it goes, and everybody ends up hurt.

so, apologies for using something so personal in my post. i just know how much migraines can suck. maybe i was also being a little unfair, but i get tired of handwringing, whoever it's from and for whatever reason.

still, i'm honestly sorry to hear you had such a shitty childhood.

Thing is I do know how people feel and i feel very much for everyone-except those mentioned,i know their pain and suffering,i think the only time you can feel this is by going through it yourself,it wasn't meant to be a pain game,indeed i do not play games at all.

we all have different views on what it is like and how horrid things can be for us all but unless you can be open and honest about yourself to everyone,how are people supposed to understand you,is this not a place for help,advice,and understanding?

in that case i did misunderstand you, but now i understand you better.

i stand by what i was saying as a general comment, although it is not directed personally at yourself (i mean, it wasn't really directed at you in the first place, but reading your post did spark the sentiment).

i'm going to extend my apologies for appearing to act like an asshat, and i'm going to dive out of this thread.

I once went on a simulator ride in a fair - it was a ri off. The screen was smaller than an average computer moniter, the film was a crap animation, presumably made for children which was spliced together with some stock spaceship shots (which ignored the fact that we were supposed to be in the spaceship). The movements were random as the film was still. And the film was partially in german.

I would compare the two, nonsensical, detatched, sick making, a waste of entrance fee and all in a language I don't understand.

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Really I'm just confused a voicing ideas as they come to me, expect contradictions.

I'm not sure how to explain it really.
I guess in the simplest of explanations my mental image of my body doesn't match what's really there.
My mind says those things should be there, and that certain things that are there should not.
The world concurs by saying men don't have boobies, and that their genitalia differs in look and in function from females. And that men have deep voices, facial hair, more body hair, and different body shape.

Sorry I don't have any fun analogies