tzone

Claudia · Tzoner Joined: 09 Feb 2007 Posts: 227

Parents will see what they want to see, so they want to see their "son" so that is probably why your Mum said what she said, but to somebody who has not known you before, she is wrong to say you don't look female! I can see the progress from the previous pictures.

For me, my situation was similar at first, but I eventually moved out and made my own life and became a lot happier, which I think my parents respected - and when they saw me happier, they have grown to accept it - my dad does totally, and my mum is a lot better now. If parents are against you now, they will eventually have to accept it somehow, since they will realise that you will not change, and if you can show them that you cannot live any other way, then your parents attitudes inevitably have to change.

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It's never too late to be who you might have been. - Mary Ann Evans

emrock · Tzoner Joined: 08 Feb 2007 Posts: 228 Location: London

My finances are an issue but at the mo my parents are really good, I guess if they didn't give me money I'd have to go home and that would be their worst nighmare! Thanks for all your support, as I say I just out of ideas, I can't make them like me.

My sis is at uni now, she started this september, doing medicine in london. She and my mum both insist her friends would hate me, but I mean really they can't be that much different to my friends and the other people at my uni, they're exactly the same type of people. As insisting my sis's friends back home would hate me, well the sister of one of my sis's friends has met me since and she was cool.

The issue as i said before is not making a rational arguement, i've made plenty of those, but some how convincing someone who has made up thier mind that they're wrong. Until then it doesn't look like i'll see my family for christmas. Which is super upsetting cos I spend 3 months in the summer alone, ah well.

emrock · Tzoner Joined: 08 Feb 2007 Posts: 228 Location: London

Oh and the latest thing I got from mum was 'why can't you just change back for christmas?' which i told her i refuse to do.

I appreciate your confidence in my parents claudia, but they have been ignoring this for years and show no signs of changing, my mum sees it as my ruining her life. And far form accepting it she only talks to people who agree with her, if anything things are getting worse.

Han79 · Joined: 05 Nov 2007 Posts: 365 Location: West Midlands - UK

emrock wrote:

Oh and the latest thing I got from mum was 'why can't you just change back for christmas?' which i told her i refuse to do.

I appreciate your confidence in my parents claudia, but they have been ignoring this for years and show no signs of changing, my mum sees it as my ruining her life. And far form accepting it she only talks to people who agree with her, if anything things are getting worse.

She gave up her life the second she decided to have children, she needs to accept that and grow up!

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Most of the time, most people do what most people do most of the time.

saibh · Joined: 22 Apr 2007 Posts: 126 Location: Ireland

Han79 wrote:

emrock wrote:

Oh and the latest thing I got from mum was 'why can't you just change back for christmas?' which i told her i refuse to do.

I appreciate your confidence in my parents claudia, but they have been ignoring this for years and show no signs of changing, my mum sees it as my ruining her life. And far form accepting it she only talks to people who agree with her, if anything things are getting worse.

She gave up her life the second she decided to have children, she needs to accept that and grow up!

That is so not true! People don't give up there lives to have children. Many people have children and for those who do having children adds many extra joys and challaenges to their life. Sure when one has kids their life changes dramatically but it doesn't end! It would surely be a depressing thought that life ends with children. It means more responsibility and more worries and less freedom and independance but passing on your genes to the next generation is such a wonderful gift and an amazing journey of discovery.

I know that it will be hard to have that responsibility and I will miss in a way the free life but after a certain point in your life you need something else and just thinking about your child saying their first word or their first day of school and watching them grow up and give you grandchildren. That is surely something amazing and special.

And if you want a scientific view having children ensure their you live on for many generations to come.

Han79 · Joined: 05 Nov 2007 Posts: 365 Location: West Midlands - UK

Your children's happiness should come above ALL else AND certainly above your own, your friends, neighbours and anyone else involved.

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Most of the time, most people do what most people do most of the time.

GenderQuest · Joined: 12 Oct 2007 Posts: 451

Han79 wrote:

Your children's happiness should come above ALL else AND certainly above your own, your friends, neighbours and anyone else involved.

no

Han79 · Joined: 05 Nov 2007 Posts: 365 Location: West Midlands - UK

~~~ Prods GQ ~~~

Razz

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Most of the time, most people do what most people do most of the time.

GenderQuest · Joined: 12 Oct 2007 Posts: 451

ow that was my eye

**Reenie** · Reporter Joined: 08 Feb 2007 Posts: 3577 Location: Glasgow

Han79 wrote:

Your children's happiness should come above ALL else AND certainly above your own, your friends, neighbours and anyone else involved.

My eye! One should look after No.1 before anything else. The kids' happiness should follow as a consequence.

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The Daily Turnout - King of the Throne Room

Han79 · Joined: 05 Nov 2007 Posts: 365 Location: West Midlands - UK

Reenie wrote:

Han79 wrote:

Your children's happiness should come above ALL else AND certainly above your own, your friends, neighbours and anyone else involved.

My eye! One should look after No.1 before anything else. The kids' happiness should follow as a consequence.

I would agree very strongly that children respond better to a happy family background, but to be happy to the detriment of your children is wrong. Especially if it's just for the sake of "keeping up appearances".

I will throw in a real life example:

This woman I know has a 6 year old child, she goes out on the town and leaves him alone in the house overnight, she only cooks food when SHE is hungry, so her son is as thin as a rake. She often tries to palm him off onto family members so that he's "out of the way", she goes only holiday's without him. She doesn't work but she gets disability benefits for the childs ADHD (which he doesn't actually have), this money is spent on clothes, drink, cigarettes, holidays (anything but her son).
In serving her own needs first, she completely ignores her son. The poor child accidentally calls his auntie "mom" quite regularly.

A bit about him:
He reminds me of myself. He's as quiet as a mouse and no trouble at all. He's highly intelligent and has the potential to do great things with the correct guidance. I've never met another 6yr old that can hold an adult(ish) conversation like he can.

_________________
Most of the time, most people do what most people do most of the time.

Skyler · Tzoner Joined: 08 Feb 2007 Posts: 934 Location: Canada

Reenie wrote:

Han79 wrote:

Your children's happiness should come above ALL else AND certainly above your own, your friends, neighbours and anyone else involved.

My eye! One should look after No.1 before anything else. The kids' happiness should follow as a consequence.

The kid's wellbeing should come above all. Whether happiness comes with that or not, who knows. Parents should NOT look after themself at the expense of their children. Ideally they are taking care of both and yes if they are happy often that results in the kids being happy. Anyone who is not looking after their children's wellbeing however, is not a good parent and probably shouldn't be one.

carrie · Joined: 15 Mar 2007 Posts: 123

Reenie wrote:

My eye! One should look after No.1 before anything else. The kids' happiness should follow as a consequence.

I'm sorry Reenie, but I cannot agree with you. When my sister and I were young, my parents were not very well off, my dad worked nearly every day to keep a roof over our heads and to keep us in clothes, they spent nothing on them selves apart from what they really needed. they were times when they didn't have any money at all and, I cannot really believe my mam could do this, but she used to steal food from the shops because they had nothing and they was nothing else she could do. And, I do believe her when she told me this, she once said that she would stoop even lower if she and my dad were deperate enough.
Perhaps one should look after number 1. but most parents don't... my parents did everything they could to make sure me and my sister had enough to eat, even if that ment they had nothing.

I'm really sorry to hear about the trouble you are having with your mam, Emrock. I don't really have anything to say with regards to any really good advice or help, but they do say time is a great healer and hopefully with time your mam will come to the conclusion that her life will have more meaning with you being a part of it.

I also agree with every one else, your mam is wrong because let me put it this way, when I looked at you picture, you probably wouldn't believe the shade of green I turned Very Happy

Good luck with you mam.

Claudia · Tzoner Joined: 09 Feb 2007 Posts: 227

emrock wrote:

Oh and the latest thing I got from mum was 'why can't you just change back for christmas?' which i told her i refuse to do

I used to get that, and like you, I simply refused. However, perhaps enlightening your parents about what happens to trans people when they don't have support or don't transition (there should be plenty of sources on the internet) might wake her up.

Also, the "My secret self" documentary (in 5 parts on youtube) is well made and may help you and/or your parents. The first part is here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Utpam0IGYac

_________________
It's never too late to be who you might have been. - Mary Ann Evans

emrock · Tzoner Joined: 08 Feb 2007 Posts: 228 Location: London

Ok update, I spoke to my mum this evening and she said i could come home so long as i don't "flaunt it" and that my uncle wants to come over on boxing day and that she doesn't want him to know yet. I'm not sure what she wants from me, cos although one of my friends pointed out, I do dress very feminine, I always tone it down for my mum. And frankly if i tone it down anymore I will be giving in.

I want to see my mum this christmas but I'm really not sure what to say. To make matters worse, the one friend I thought I could count on has proven once and for all that she doesn't care about me, and so I don't have anyone to turn to really.