tzone

**ice maiden** · Advisor Joined: 08 Feb 2007 Posts: 2691

As i have said before if they are not supportive and dont share your interests then dump em

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Man [...] must count no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth." (Jean Paul Sartre, 1943)

william · Posted: Mon Apr 16, 2007 10:04 am Post subject:

sometimes easier said than done though. especially when it's inevitable you have to be in the same places as these people quite a lot Confused

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**Hellfrozeover** · Advisor Joined: 08 Feb 2007 Posts: 773 Location: UK

william wrote:

sometimes easier said than done though. especially when it's inevitable you have to be in the same places as these people quite a lot Confused

Yeah I can sympathise with that one. It's also hard if one friend is narrowminded and the rest are fine because you don't want to lose the rest by dumping one.

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Hellfrozeover be a pirate and a Transgenderzone moderator.

I don't stand under the TG umbrella anymore, it's way too bitchy and crowded in there but it's sunny out here Smile

Scaeme · Posted: Mon Apr 16, 2007 1:14 pm Post subject:

Yeah. I had this.

My best friend asked me first though, which is to her credit. She basicly asked me if she could tell people who asked her if I was trans if I was out as myself. I got a bit upset with this and asked her why she felt like she had to tell them. Her response was that she felt like she had to explain what I was when people saw me with her.

I dont understand that at all and all I can really imagine this bieng is her bieng embarssed by me. I think the agreement these days is that if anybody asks her, she is to tell them to ask me, not her.

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I look back at most of my life and think "WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?!??"

**ice maiden** · Advisor Joined: 08 Feb 2007 Posts: 2691

Dump em Dump em Smile

_________________
Man [...] must count no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth." (Jean Paul Sartre, 1943)

Arya · Joined: 18 Feb 2007 Posts: 124

I assume my friends tell their own friends when they come to parties, nobody gets pro-nouns to wrong.. and i dont pass, so, either they've been warned or im telling people when i meet them x.x.

Personally it doesnt bother 'me', as i dont pass anyways. Think when i do pass ill be a little miffed though.

**Hellfrozeover** · Advisor Joined: 08 Feb 2007 Posts: 773 Location: UK

ice maiden wrote:

Dump em Dump em Smile

Nothing is as black and white as that. Advice like that could actually drop someone in the shit which is a bit worse.

_________________
Hellfrozeover be a pirate and a Transgenderzone moderator.

I don't stand under the TG umbrella anymore, it's way too bitchy and crowded in there but it's sunny out here Smile

**ice maiden** · Advisor Joined: 08 Feb 2007 Posts: 2691

If your friends do not share your interests or are unable to support you as the person your truly are

then its better to dump them and find friends that do

this advice is offered by the majority of leading professors in psychology and me Smile

it is pointless to attempt to develop friendships with people you are unable to gel with - as we get older we lose touch with many of our school chums anyway - its time to find the friends who will be there for you and stick with them

and i disagree about the advice being 'shit' :\

it is solid well founded advice and its worth taking on board - even if if you do nothing about it - after all its only advice - not an ultimatum

_________________
Man [...] must count no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth." (Jean Paul Sartre, 1943)

Megan · Joined: 12 Apr 2007 Posts: 192 Location: Northampton

Hellfrozeover wrote:

ice maiden wrote:

Dump em Dump em Smile

Nothing is as black and white as that. Advice like that could actually drop someone in the shit which is a bit worse.

I agree, sure if friends continue to refuse to respect you then time to do the old heave-ho. But it is always worth persevering. The way I see it, my friends have been amazing in accommodating me even when I've been a pain in the butt. The very least I can do is forgive the odd slip, at worst I'll have a quiet word if I find it uncomfortable, I know they'll get the hang of it in the end and they always try even if they don't always get it right. Most friendships are worth fighting for and I feel dumping them should be a last resort.

**Hellfrozeover** · Advisor Joined: 08 Feb 2007 Posts: 773 Location: UK

ice maiden wrote:

i disagree about the advice being 'shit' :\

I never said it was.

_________________
Hellfrozeover be a pirate and a Transgenderzone moderator.

I don't stand under the TG umbrella anymore, it's way too bitchy and crowded in there but it's sunny out here Smile

**ice maiden** · Advisor Joined: 08 Feb 2007 Posts: 2691

sorry worse than dropping people in the shit then Razz

'Advice like that could actually drop someone in the shit which is a bit worse.'

_________________
Man [...] must count no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth." (Jean Paul Sartre, 1943)

Scaeme · Posted: Mon Apr 16, 2007 4:49 pm Post subject:

She's my best friend and she is supportive, although I do have trouble making her understand why I feel like I do about stuff like this.

Oh and btw....

I thought you'd have posted something more evil for your 666th post, IM Razz

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I look back at most of my life and think "WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?!??"

Skyler · Tzoner Joined: 08 Feb 2007 Posts: 934 Location: Canada

william wrote:

Am I being too harsh?

Hells no. You have every right to decide who to tell and who not to tell. And nobody else has the right to out you against your will.

la_glitch · Joined: 24 Feb 2007 Posts: 434

Quote:

If your friends do not share your interests or are unable to support you as the person your truly are

this whole thing was brought home to me a couple of years ago. i've got a friend with one of those LONG female names. you can shorten it a bunch of ways and i'd always known her as a particular shortened version. like, a Natalie can be Nat. however, she decsided that she wanted to go back to being known how she used to be known, before i met her. it was a different shortening of her name and, all in all, pretty much a totally different name.

could i get it right? could i hell.

it made me realise how difficult it was to change your conception of a person. and, i think, it made me give other people that little extra space if they needed it.

i've got another friend who was totally supportive in a whole bunch of ways, except she kept on calling me 'he' and getting my name wrong and sometimes asked a bunch of weird questions and once or twice told people about me behind my back. but she's still a worthwhile really good friend and, you know, i'm so glad i know her. there is no way in hell i'm going to 'dump her' just because she screwed up on how to respect myu transsexuality (i mean, come on, there isn't a manual on this sort of thing).

look your friend in the eyes when they speak to you and see what is there. if they honestly don't get it and they actually don't want to, you'll see it. if they honestly don't get it, but they're trying really hard and respect you for what you're doing, well, you'll see that too.

i don't know, maybe ask yourself would you get ion with them if you weren't trans, and if the answer is no then, sure, maybe it's best to move on.

**ice maiden** · Advisor Joined: 08 Feb 2007 Posts: 2691

Scaeme - you have too much time on your hands XP

_________________
Man [...] must count no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth." (Jean Paul Sartre, 1943)