Hello Everyone.

I'm new here so I thought I would just ramble on until someone tells me to shut up. I'm 23, from Australia and FtM (though not "officially"). I am very shy and haven't seen a doctor since I was about 16yrs so it is really hard for me to even consider making a phone call to attempt to start hormones.

A couple of weeks ago I had a chat with an old friend of mine, who I went to school with who is now a Youth Worker and he is the only person besides my partner and my sisters who I have told about being FtM. After I spoke to him, I emailed a free health clinic and they told me to get a referal from a Doctor to get into a Gender Program here. I was feeling confident. I am no longer.

The problem is, I was in the past (for almost ten years) a self-harmer and I have read in various books about transgender/transsexual issues that it is unlikely that self-harmers would be approved for hormone therapy and/or surgery. I have also read things suggesting the opposite so I am scared to even attempt anything because I don't want to be told no.

I have always thought that I would make a better guy than a girl and until a couple of years ago I never new that it was possible to be FtM. At the moment I am in a heterosexual relationship with a guy (have been for five years) and he told me we would have to break up when I start to take hormones. I understand that. He also told me that I was 'doing this' to become more of a social outcast.

I have told my two sisters and one of them is really supportive and the other one I don't think really understands. And I am doing the subtle (not) thing of lending my mum movies like "Boys Don't Cry" and the docudrama "Transgeneration" to try and ease the whole subject into her life but haven't been comfortable to tell her until I know whether my transition is going to be even possible, from the doctors/legal point of view.

For the past few years I have been in a place where guys don't know whether I am a girl and girls don't know whether I am a guy so it is really hard to get to know anyone even as friends and generally I am not even a very social person.

I think, because this topic is, ask a question, I just want to know whether there is anyone here from Australia, SA in particular because I could do with someone close by who has some knowledge and experience of what I am going through, who could lend me a hand.

Sorry for rambling.

Hello and welcome to Tzone. We do have an Australian FtM moderator here, he is called Sparkz and I'm sure will be able to help you out with your Australia-specific questions.

In the mean time, I think you have made a good start by finding some support and information.

Self harm is a coping mechanism, and while it is not a very good way of dealing with things, I'm sure it shouldn't be an indestructible obstacle to treatment. This is one of the things you would probably discuss with your psychiatrist. I don't think you should let this put you off trying.

I'm sorry your partner has had difficulty dealing with this issue. It is sometimes very hard to be with someone during transition. I hope you can work things out with him, but at least you are prepared for the fact that it might end.

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I used to be a self-harmer, and I've not yet had any difficulties treatmentwise because of that.

Although I'd recommend exploring the reasons behind your self-harming with a shrink. It's not good for you, and like TDP said, it's a coping mechanism. You can learn new ones- I did.

Good luck with pursuing treatment.

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Saibh.

Welcome to tzone

I don't specifically know much about FtM issues but there are plenty of guys here on the forums that I'm sure will be only to pleased to help and support you.

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Thanks everyone.

I know if I don't attempt anything I won't get anywhere and I that's what I am scared because I know how easy it would be for me to live as I am now and not do anything about it. Though it would not be healthy.

I stopped self-harming when explored my gender issues, when I saw that there was light at the end of the tunnel, so to say, when I founf out there was a reason I hated myself so much. I haven't done it since.

I'm going to try, at least, to book an appointment tomorrow. Let's see how I go.

But thankyou all, you've been so awesome and wlecoming. I'm never leaving now!

BTW, I should probably say, you can call me Erik.

Erik? That's my middle name. Seriously.

You have fine taste.

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Pay no attention to the moderator in a gimp mask behind the curtain.

Welcome to the TZone and good luck with booking an appointment!

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I have to EDIT because I can't SPELL!!

it's scary booking an appointment with gps when you don't like dealing with doctors. just focus on what it could achieve and you'll feel more motivated to go.

if you are gender dysphoric there is absolutely no reason why you shouldn't get treated for it.

a lot of trans people self harm before they seek help. it's awful being in the wrong body and being treated wrong socially when you are something else...so actually not being affected or depressed by this would be more worrying because it might imply that being anatomically female is not a huge problem in your life.

you're right, the worst they can say is no. but if they do, it's not the end of the world. find someone else who is more understanding. you will get there in the end, and the sooner you start trying, the sooner you'll get there

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thanks everyone.

Hey there Mate

I'm an FTM guy living in Australia...can help you out with finding people etc most definitely!

Give me 48 hours and I'll have some stuff for ya!

x
Sparkz

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Thanks Sparkz.