I am 16 years old...and I feel horrible. I feel like im totally wrong and that I should be someone else, I feel that my pee shouldn't come out the front but somewhere else! I feel that I shouldn't be wearing these abggy clothes and have no style, I feel that I should be able to have a style, but with girls's clothes! I feel that my hair should be really long and blow int he wind! I feel that I should have lumps where there are none! I feel I should be able to express myself in anyway I like! I feel I should be a girl! I really really do!...Please help! All I know is that I should go to the doctor's but I am really scared, I have told my girlfriend and she still wants to be with me ! But what is it like at the doctors? How long does transition usually take? Do you get bullied and mocked for being yourself? Is it scary? When do you start getting hormone treatment? Do you have to tell your family? Why can't I just be a girl!!!

Hi Lisa and welcome to tzone

Lisa is me? wrote:

But what is it like at the doctors?

Well, that isn't really a question with a definite answer as people have different experiences with their GPs. Not all GPs will have experienced a patient that comes in with gender dysphoria. The usual procedure is to go and see your GP who should then if they feel necessary refer you on to a local psychiatrist who will assess you and decide whether to refer you to a Gender Identity Clinic (GIC) for treatment. However this procedure is what happens when you are over 18, I am not sure of the procedure for under 18's but I am sure others will post and be able to advise on the procedure for getting help for under 18s

Lisa is me? wrote:

How long does transition usually take?

This is a tricky question which again has no definite answer really. Transitioning on the NHS can be bogged down by lengthy waiting times. To obtain surgery (which you might have to wait until you are over 18 anyway) you have to do 2 years living totally as female. So to transition totally with surgery can take a few years.

Lisa is me? wrote:

Do you get bullied and mocked for being yourself?

Trans people can face harrassment just like other minority groups do. It isn't something that I can say will definitely happen or not happen. Of course there is a social stigma unfairly attached to being trans, society is getting better slowly but there are people out there that don't understand and can give trans people a hard time.

Lisa is me? wrote:

Is it scary?

Things can seem daunting in the beginning, it can be a long road but along the way life can get better. There can be a lot to learn and take in about everything but keep asking questions and there are plenty of people here with allsorts of knowledge and experience that can help and advise.

Lisa is me? wrote:

When do you start getting hormone treatment?

Usually you would need to see 2 different psychs at a Gender Identity Clinic at least 3 months apart and have them both agree to treat you with hormone therapy. They will want you to have done probably 3 months or more living as female. It can take a while on the NHS to get to this stage as waiting lists for GIC appointments can be quite long. I believe that you will have to wait until you are 18 before you can attend a GIC (someone will correct me if I am wrong)

Lisa is me? wrote:

Do you have to tell your family?

Well I think it would be very hard to get anywhere without telling your family especially as you are under 18. I know that telling your family can be a pretty scary experience and plenty of the members here can give good advice on ways that you can tell your family.

http://www.mermaids.freeuk.com/
^ You might find that this site is quite helpful too.

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Chrissy
Forums Moderator.

Always have faith and believe in yourself.
Never run from the truth.
Have the will to change your fate and your spirit will never die.
Check out the tzone team bios here: http://www.transgenderzone.com/bio.htm

Well done about posting on here Lisa. I was only a year older than you when I finaly admitted to myself, let alone anybody else, that I was TS. I then did exactly the wrong thing and thought I could try suppress my feelings by attempting to be ultra-macho. After that I spent another two years trying to keep it all behind closed doors and through roleplaying on the internet, which quickly became something I needed to do 24/7 and I lost a lot of friends, work and my degree because of that before I finaly accepted that I couldnt stop bieng TS and I couldnt just live it out in a virtual world, I had to go out there IRL and do something about it. As it stands, I lost half a decade of my life that I didnt need to because I wasnt prepared to face up to facts in the way you just have, so well done again.

If you're planning on keeping the parents on the backburner for now while you think things over and check stuff up then make sure you learn how to delete your internet history, cookies and tempory internet files too. You can do all three from Tools->Internet Options-> General on IE. I've been outed and it's not the best way for them to find out.

There's a lot of questions there and Chrissie's got most of them I think, but here's an addition to one or two of them.

I think that some of the Private places like Dr Curtis will take 16 to 18 year olds, with parental consent.

If you're going through the NHS route, then getting that first appointment with the GIC (Gender Identity Clinic) can be a long wait. You'll have to go to your GP, who'll send you to a shrink, who'll write up the refferal. Depending on where you live, the waiting list for that next step can be between 12 weeks and 4 years. As to be expected, the South East has the shorter waiting times and the North has much much longer, with Scotland bieng exceptional good, rather than the rule. After you've got that first appointment with the GIC they'll put you through more shrinks and then will probably like you to begin a RLT (Real Life Test) as a woman 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for 3 months before they put you on hormones and 2 years for surgery (which has its own waiting list again). It's a very long and drawn out process for some.

There are, as you've spotted and Chrissie's confirmed, a number of downsides to transitioning plus a few others too. Despite all that, I think it's the most sensible thing I've ever done. Of course, this only applies if you really are TS, which although from the post looks likely, you could really do with a doctor/shrink to confirm it before ayou do anything rash

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I look back at most of my life and think "WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?!??"

thankyou very much for those 2 replies ...they have helped me alot and made me feel more comfertable with myself having conversations whilst being accepted how come south east is shorter waiting time? (its where i be living )

thanks again

One thing to remember is that transition is different for anyone - some people like to transition slowly, getting everything perfect before coming out, whereas others just do it straight away, so there aren't necessarily clear answers to some of your questions, there are only your own answers. With this in mind, while it is good to share experiences with other trans people, don't be put off if they have entirely different opinions on transition, or be put off by people who like to 'distinguish' between what is, and what isn't a 'real' transsexual.

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It's never too late to be who you might have been. - Mary Ann Evans

Hi Lisa, first of all welcome to the forums . Well done on figuring out your thoughts so young, it can be pretty hard to deal with initially for some people. Hormones can be given at sixteen although possibly only if you're going to go fulltime at the same time or just before/after. Who ever you see may be more likely to put you on anti-androgens which will block testosterone and in turn, stop male puberty in it's tracks. These are especially effective in younger transitioners so you might be in luck there. While you're sorting out the big steps like telling people and sorting out treatment with your GP, you could do the smaller things that might make it more comfortable for you like growing your hair or killing off body hair, to get a feel for what you could be doing for a good while. If you're into it and have ways of doing it without any problems then practising makeup at this point will help loads in the future. Alot of transsexual girls find that they're lacking makeup skills when it comes to the change-over. Best to be prepared .

There are plenty of younger girls on here who are in or have just been in the same situation and we're all pretty friendly(as far as I know ) so don't be afraid to ask anything.

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Hellfrozeover be a pirate and a Transgenderzone moderator.

I don't stand under the TG umbrella anymore, it's way too bitchy and crowded in there but it's sunny out here

Or in my experiance Eva, the best thing I did to help my passing in general, including makeup, was to actualy go fulltime. Playing around with makeup once every fortnight for a few minutes is one thing, but doing it every morning before you go to work really makes you learn fast!

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I look back at most of my life and think "WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?!??"

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Hellfrozeover be a pirate and a Transgenderzone moderator.

I don't stand under the TG umbrella anymore, it's way too bitchy and crowded in there but it's sunny out here

Hi Lisa

I was 16 once. I felt horrible too. It was awful. I put it down to hormones and thought it would go away when puberty went away. By 19 I knew I had a serious problem.

Even though I had that light-bulb moment at 4 years old and the occasional reminder throughout childhood, gut instinct told me it would be no easy thing to take on the challenge of transition. And I was right.

Go and see your GP and ask for counselling or a referal to the local psychiatric team by all means. If your dysphoria is causing you that much trouble, it makes sense.

But first... Stay away from tobacco, alcohol, cannabis and all the other things that you and your mates are putting through your systems. Keep a clear head for a few months. You won't be taken seriously otherwise. (I won't take you seriously if you aren't dabbling with some or all of these, so don't protest...)

If you still feel the same way, then talk to the doc. Don't be making plans for transition yet; give your hormones a chance to settle.

Jan Morris, in her book Conundrum, tells of rejoicing at her male body and how she brought it to the peak of physical perfection when accompanying the 1953 Everest Team as The Times embedded correspondent. She was in her mid-twenties at the time.

She tells of the joy of the power and performance of an athletic male body at her disposal and I can vouch for the delight: I was in my mid-twenties when I undertook precisely the same journey. On my return, I found that I could run a mile at a sprinter's pace (ironically, to the tobacconist in Baldwin Street, Bristol).

There are other positive reasons for delaying or even foregoing transition. Suppose you want kids...

A good many of us who have committed to transition have done so because we have exhausted all other possibilities.

The decision to transition should be taken with a clear head, motivated by gut instinct and without reference to the bleating of others, mine and my fellows included.

Post-surgical regret will be waiting to bite your arse if you get it wrong, so don't give it the chance.

Reenie

Hi Lisa,

i myself am 17 and discovered what exactly was wrong with me at 15 and wierdly enough i live in the south-east too

right now at your age it wud be pretty hard to get hormones whether on the NHS or private. still, you cud be prescribed puberty blockers (i think theyre different from anti-androgens but dont quote me on that) that will halt the effects of puberty for as long as you take them while you decide whether transition is the right move for you. i think its important for you to try and get hold of these asap as most of the effects of male puberty are permanent and are not easily corrected.

i wud recommend going to see your gp and asking to be referred to the Tavistock gender identity clinic in london http://www.tavi-port.org/ they specifically deal with under 19s. you will most likely be referred to a local shrink first who can then refer you on. as you are 16 you can ask the gp to refer you without your parents knowledge as long as you make this very clear to them.

Lisa wrote:

Do you get bullied and mocked for being yourself?

its likely that some chavscum is gonna take the piss. are you still at secondary school or 6th form? if you are still at school and are planning to leave its probably worth holding on till youve left but if you are at a 6th form college this cud be a much more ideal place to transition. but then again each situation is different and its up to you when and where (and if) you transition.

some people are not gonna like what youre doing, thats inevitable but many people on these forums and elsewhere have had much better responses than they thought they wud. you may lose friends but you may gain some aswell who will respect you for the courage it takes to transition and be yourself.

Lisa also wrote:

Is it scary?

it will be scary to start with so its best not to jump in at the deep end. some transition faster than others it all depends on how confident you feel. the only way to build confidence is to do things one step at a time and go slightly beyond your comfort zone each time. wearing more androdgynous /femine clothing, growing your hair and simply learning how to sit/stand/walk/talk in a more female way are things you can do to get you started.

Lisa then wrote:

Do you have to tell your family?

you will have to tell your family at some point, and if you do get the go ahead for hormone therapy while under the age of 18 you will need their permission first. some parents react better than others so how and when you tell them is up to you and there are lots of people here who can give you advice on how to tell them when you decide to do this.

its difficult to do anything medically right now at your age apart from delaying puberty. but there is much more to transition than hormones and surgery and plenty of things you can start working on now. confidence building, appearance and mannerisms are all a big part of it and you have started transition mentally now already by acknowledging this desire to have a female body and identity.

it might help to go to a local trans support group.

translondon meets regularly on tuesday evenings or the clare project meets in brighton on a tuesday afternoon. mermaids has a support group too.

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"...risk something, take back whats yours, say something that you know they might attack you for..."

thanks for all the replies people :}...just wondering...my girlfriend has said i have some girly features (that over men dont) (like curves above my hips for instance) is this a good thing and normal for T/G people?

_________________
Chrissy
Forums Moderator.

Always have faith and believe in yourself.
Never run from the truth.
Have the will to change your fate and your spirit will never die.
Check out the tzone team bios here: http://www.transgenderzone.com/bio.htm

Hi Lisa. I think it’s a good thing that you are asking these questions at such a young age. I wasted a lot of time denying how I felt. You need to do some serious thinking because now is the best time to make changes if that’s what you decide you want to do. But you need to ask yourself if you want to have children, because after you transition you wont be able to have any of your own. Andie x

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It's never too late to be who you might have been. - Mary Ann Evans

Blood doesn't always make a family as many people in this situation end up finding out the bad way. Adoption is always an option and an adopted child is no less your child and one that you had biologically with someone else.

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Hellfrozeover be a pirate and a Transgenderzone moderator.

I don't stand under the TG umbrella anymore, it's way too bitchy and crowded in there but it's sunny out here