Hiya, I'm a 20 year old student and I've been feeling a bit unsure about my gender for a few years now, I'm trying to stay on top of it until I've finished my degree but sometimes its just really frustrating. I've been reading a lot about transmen/women and the kind of symptoms and thought processes that come with gender dysphoria and its just made me even more confused.
I didn't start to wonder about whether or not I was actually a man until I was fourteen when I first cross dressed, and I'm led to believe that transexuals etc. usually start questioning their assigned gender at quite an early age. Also a lot of the people I've spoken to seem to have always been quite certain that they were assigned the wrong physical gender, where as I'm just totally confused, and I'll go through phases where I'll feel very strongly that I'm supposed to be a man but other times I'll think that I'm just being stupid and in those times I can reasonably happily go about my life as a woman. It comes and goes a lot, its never persistent. I do fantasize all the time though about being a man and being a father and a husband, and I hate to think about living the rest of my life in a female capacity... does this all sound a bit strange? Does anyone have any advice for me? It would be very greatly appreciated.
Thank You
Art

Hi Art

I'm not sure I can give you any advice but I can tell you a lot of people go through times of feeling confused before they get to the point of being quite certain.

There's no path that everyone travels down the same way. There's no one right way to discover one is trans, or not for that matter. Not every trans person is aware of it their whole lives, not every trans person plays with toys aimed at the opposite sex when they're children, etc.

So no, what you've said doesn't sound strange at all

Hi Art, welcome to tzone!

Don't worry about feeling confused. I'm sure many of us felt that way when first questioning their gender. Not all of us knew we were trans from a very early age - and many of us became experts at hiding it completely, even from our own conscious selves.

Your comment about

ArtRobinson wrote:

I'll go through phases where I'll feel very strongly that I'm supposed to be a man but other times I'll think that I'm just being stupid and in those times I can reasonably happily go about my life as a woman. It comes and goes a lot, its never persistent.

sounds very similar to how I felt for a long time, so you're definitely not alone there.

ArtRobinson wrote:

I do fantasize all the time though about being a man and being a father and a husband, and I hate to think about living the rest of my life in a female capacity... does this all sound a bit strange? Does anyone have any advice for me? It would be very greatly appreciated.

Nope, it doesn't sound at all strange to me, it sounds totally familar! I eventually decided it was all too much for me too figure out entirely on my own - and that friends and family have too much emotional investment (not in a bad way, but it's still there) to be able to help objectively - so I found myself a counsellor. This helped me immensely; it allowed me to explore my feelings and ensure that I was not only making the right decision but also making it for the right reasons, if that makes sense.

I'm well aware that counselling isn't for everyone, but it might be worth giving it a try. I found a trans counsellor through our local LGBT services, so that might be one place to start.

As Skyler says, there's no one true way to be trans! We're all different, and have all followed our own paths to get to where we are today.

Dave

Hi

Yup, same here, I had times when I thought I could quite happily live as a woman and that made me doubt whether I was trans.

Personally I think the bottom line is we are born with a female body and are treated as female so its what we know and what society expects. No one wants to rock the boat unless they have to.

For me it was when I confronted my feelings head on with a councillor (who had no experience of trans people btw) and I realised I could get to 70 and suddenly feel I had 'wasted' my whole life. It was a very emotional time but well worth it in the end as Ive never been happier

Like Dave said, councelling is a good place to start

There are no rules here - just support!

Hi Art,

Mostly I would just echo what the guys above have said. I was struck by what Dave said:

Flameboy wrote:

Not all of us knew we were trans from a very early age - and many of us became experts at hiding it completely, even from our own conscious selves.

I feel like I've always "known" I was trans, but sometimes that knowledge was buried deep in my mind. I tried very hard to convince myself that I was a woman. I thought for a while that I was a lesbian, and that being "queer" was what made me feel so strange and alien from normal society. Eventually I had to acknowledge that I was still pretending to be some one I wasn't.

Like some of the others, I benefited greatly from counselling. But I think a trusted friend, family member, or academic mentor could be just as helpful. Find some one whose opinions you respect and who you feel has an open mind and just start talking about it. As you verbalize your feelings, some of the answers may come...

I wish you the best of luck an whatever path you may travel...

Joel

I can totally relate with feeling confused and the 'trans feeling' not being persistent. I have no idea whether or not I'm trans. The feelings come and go all the time. I'm going to wait till I'm certain, anyway.. but right now, I spose I'm happyish being a lesbian and living as female.

_________________
Girl/ boy/ butch/ femme.. I'm just ME!

I feel the exact same, some days i tell myself im being silly and i should just accept the body i have, and do i realy want to irreversibly alter what i have?

But then the dreams start where im a guy and i have a girlfriend and i protect her and love her and im the man of the house.
I feel strong and empowered in the dreams/fantacies

I'm a writer and i write books and all my charicters are all boys, my mum reads them, she likes them but once she said, why are all your charicters boys? why dont you try writing a girl in lead role?
I just cant as i guess its my way of being my male self without showing it.
I also lived online as a boy from ages 14 to 17 and was happy, 'till they invented web cams and it ruind it for me!

I'm going to my doctor to ask for councelling so i can get to the bottom of my feelings and find out exactly what i want, i can't go on with this, feeling nothing as a woman and constantly dreaming of being a man.


I hope you find what your looking for
Good luck
A

Nothing wrong with your dreams.

Dreams come from the dep inner conuse of our minds..our true selves.

Being the man of the hose is a good thing.

_________________
" Too many years fighting the tears, Why can't the past just die. Try to for give, teach me to live, give me the strength to try. No more memories, no more silent tears, no more gazing across the wasted years, help me to say. Goodbye"
From Phantom Of The Opera

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