Wow, 10st that sounds really good to me, are you sure that 10st is not underweight?

I weight myself today and I'm down to 13st6 and a half now, lowest I've been for a long long time. I find dieting the hardest thing to do though, for me giving up smoking was a doddle in comparison.

Keep up the good work, well done! and I hope you get a good result with your cholesterol test too.

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Chrissy
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Always have faith and believe in yourself.
Never run from the truth.
Have the will to change your fate and your spirit will never die.
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I could proberly do with putting on a little more weight, but im just near the bottom end of the healthy weight. I've been under weight for quite a while so it's still pretty good for me lol.
Thanks I hope it goes ok too. If the diet hasnt made any difference ill prolly have to go on to tablets. It is hard work watching what you eat, a few times i've given in and had stuff i shouldn't but generally im pretty good lol.

I thought having the week off from work would be good but to be honest im bored and feeling depressed, all my friends are miles away. My brother isn't helping much either, makes me really wish i could afford to move out. Defiantly isn't going to be possible if i go back to college thats for sure >.<

Jess

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Oh well can't do the course i looked into im too old lol does mean i'll be able to afford to move out once i take on a full time job again.

Im starting to wonder if my parents do actually listen to anything that i tell them or are they either really forgetfull or just dont want to listen to it. I mentioned to my mum about me haveing a hospital appointment tomorrow in london. They rang to confirm i'd be there on sat i even told my mum who rang, but she seems to have forgot all about. Sundays seem to be a day i can write off when it comes to talking to them about anything they are just to stressed out with having to drive back to london for the week to work.

So im going to this appointment tomorrow at CHX and when im done an on my way home im going to ring them and have a chat about the whole thing, work and all. Im deteremined to do this I've tried to carry on as normal for the last year or so and its not working im back in the same postion i was at the begning of last year and i really dont think i can last much longer like this. Either they are going to support me through this or i'll be moving out and doing it. Either way something is going to happen i need to sort it out i'd prefer not to do it over the phone but i wont get another chance to talk to them for at least 2 weeks.

I did plan on moving out with some friends in about 6-12 months time but if i have to do it sooner and on my own thats fine by me. If i can sort my self out with a fulltime job i've seen some flats and even a few houses to rent that i could afford i just need to cut back on my spending at little.

Jess

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Good luck at the clinic, Jess.

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Thanks Reenie

I'm soo tired now it was a long drive this morning at least there was hardly any traffic by the time i sorted my self out i left about 11am and got to the tube station at 2 and even the train journey was ok hardly anyone about and no delays so i was at the GIC at 3pm nice and early lol

The appointment wasn't quite what i expected It was with an endo. It was basicly to do with the blood test they took on my first appointment some of the level where a little odd or something. anyways he asked me some question about my life, Birth and some other things and then i he had to examine me. That i wasnt expecting.
Then i had to give them more blood about 6 tubes today i gave the dr's 2 on friday for my cholestral aswell lol.
They are just running the normal test again as well as testing for me for Klinefelters. He said they dont normally do it but he thinks in my case that it might be worth it. Will have to read up a bit more on it though ive seen serveral different sites with different info.

Gonna have to save my conversation with mum for another night seems she's working 2nite and im way to tired to talk to her with out coming across as rude or abrubt(sp?).

Jess

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Just had my appointment with Dr Barret, I like him he's really friendly, reasuring and funny. I was really early had about an hour to kill so i sat in starbucks with a coffea and read a book lol. Was pretty good going left just after 6 and arrived at hammersmith about 9:45.
I felt a little dissapointed telling him other than moving nothing has happened. I told him im having problems trying to take the first intial step and that not being able to do it is making me feel really down and depressed. He said about talking to people in a similar situation or with people that have just started out. I think it would proberly help a huge amount.

I did think about looking for a group or something nearby to me but im scared about going to anything like that. Generally im not a big socialiser but i think thats mostly due to me hiding away where i dont have to pretend to be someone im not.

Had a really bad bout of depression tuesday morning had to force my self into the car and head for work. The last time that happened was about 2 weeks ago i broke down and cried, it was pretty bad and i really couldnt work.
Have a new job at work lined up i should start in about a weeks time will get me off the counters and its fulltime which is even better. Although I'm looking at applying for an ICT Technician job at a secondary school sounds pretty good and its working for the council but im not 100% tranisitioning at a school is a great idea. But then can it be any worse than a supermarket at least i dont have to teach the kids lol.

Jess

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Chrissy
Forums Moderator.

Always have faith and believe in yourself.
Never run from the truth.
Have the will to change your fate and your spirit will never die.
Check out the tzone team bios here: http://www.transgenderzone.com/bio.htm

Thanks it does mean alot that there are people are willing to listen and help out.

I'm booked into to see my gp on next week, It'll be the first time that ive acutally seen the my new one. the last few appointment i had where with the nurse so im alittle nervouse. But i really need to see him the last 3-4 weeks ive been so down and depressed. My previous gp told me to keep a box of anti dep in case i go really down and then book into see him. It got to the point where i had to start taking them again so i'd best see the gp as well. Im wondering if maybe seeing a councilor something might help but i find it hard enough talking to people that know about my GID let along a complete stranger.

Had a busy weekend parents where both home so we went to Alton towers Was really nice but a little depressive at the same time. Still managed to enjoy my self for the majority of it. We then had to rip up some old smelly carpet left by the previous owner not nice.
So today i ache like made and still have to work 2nite 5-9 only 4 hours but its a major drag no the less.

My friends back from america this week havent seen her in over 6 months really looking forward to meeting up. but its gonna take some planning now i've moved :S

Jess

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Ergh works really getting me down. Everyones nice but i find the job so mind numbingly dull. I keep get these really bad attacks there hard to explain but i get them in the mornings before my shifts. I'm not really happy with my hours either i keep getting random shifts and times in the week. Not happy that i have to work this weekend either I'm not getting any chance to see either of my parent much.

Had to ring up about my IPL i forgot the date i knew it was a friday at 13:00 but that was it lol turned out to be on the 17th of this month so ive moved it to the 13th to combine the group thing so i only have to make 1 trip down to london.

Sent off my application for the IT job, i really need to get out of shop work. I keep checking for other jobs everyweek but there isnt a great deal about atm. and with Christmans drawing near most are Temp jobs.

Started playing Warhammer online, its pretty good but im never on at the same time as my friends so its getting pretty lonely again. Still i have Xbox live

Jess

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I'm in a really lazy mood this morning. Feeling really ill this morning i think im coming down with something. I dont think it helps when im working late nights, it gets soo cold at work its unbelievable. Got roped in for another late night on wednesday at least it'll give me a little more money next pay check. It shouldn't be as bad though at least this time ill have some company. I start on my new dept on sunday so that should be intresting its prolly going to be just as boring as counters but at least im not stuck in one place.

Really should get up and ready, have an eye test at 12:30 and im gonna look at getting some contact lenses too, Hate wairing glasses lol. Then i have a doctors appointment at 4.

Had to rearrange my days off since i booked my IPL session for monday thinking i wasnt working but my manager didnt mind so im working friday instead, didnt tell him what it was for just said since i didnt know i was working monday i booked something that can't be moved.

Have my nan coming up for the weekend again it's her birthday on thurs so we are going for a meal on saturday hopefully ill be a bit better at least enough so i can actually taste my food.

I hate being ill

Jess

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lol been awhile since i added anything :O

Saw my gp about being depressed again he seemed really nice didnt ask me a great deal about why i was depressed again just made me take a little test and then spoke about the tablets and dosage i was on before. Nice guy though so that was some relieft i was abit worred about what he was going to be like.

Changed my job finally basically go around the produce dept and check the dates on all the items and reduce outta date stuff. Doesnt sounds intrested but its a million times better than standing about on the counters lol. Keeps me busy all day and the people all seem really nice which is another good thing. My hours arent great but they could be much worse, i do 8-4 sunday then 10-7 monday to thursday. and get friday saturday off which is great since they are the busy days lol.

Got my contact lenses they are wierd but nice haven't worn them as much as i would like but never mind.

Went out at the weekend a brought a new car. Its not brand new its an 04 plate focus buts its new to me lol. Was soo nice to drive when i tested it and its imacculate inside and out. Can't wait to pick it up on friday though lol

Going down to london to meet up with some of my friends next week will be great as i havent seen them for ages. Since moving i really dont have a social life makes me feel really sad when people ask what i got up to and i say nothing as usual :S.

Part from that my life remains unchanged all though i feel that where i am at the moment i stand more of a chance of going fulltime and that keeps me going.

Jess

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