Heya all

oOo first time ive posted in a while combination of forum/Internet problems, no time, and taking about 3 weeks to rebuild my pc kept me away

I went to my GP before xmas didnt hear anything finally got my local psych thing just after Xmas. lasted all of 20 minutes if that, and to think i was worried about it. The guy just asked some questions, some of them twice some of them three times, think he wanted to catch me out. but nothing major happened or came up in it.

i got my 1st appointment from CX a while ago just checked the letter again cause i knew it was aleast middle of Oct, turns out to be the 1st Oct. so now im all panicing about that at least im not going to miss it. The big thinng im worried about is what to expect on the first appointment and what are they gonna expect from me, all i know is how i feel, and that im scared of doing anything.
i've also been taking some hormones, it's made me feel a whole lot better but now im thinking maybe i should have waited or maybe i should stop taking them now at least till my after my appointment.

Scared and confused
Jess xXx

Roll on 1st Oct, I've got my first Sandyford appointment.

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The Daily Turnout - King of the Throne Room

Hi Jess and welcome to tzone.

D&C wrote:

I went to my GP before xmas didnt hear anything finally got my local psych thing just after Xmas. lasted all of 20 minutes if that, and to think i was worried about it.

Wow 20 minutes!! The first local psych I saw grilled me for nearly 3 hours.

D&C wrote:

The big thinng im worried about is what to expect on the first appointment and what are they gonna expect from me, all i know is how i feel, and that im scared of doing anything.

Well my first appointment isn't until Oct 25th so I can't tell you anything from experience but my understanding is that the first appointment is like an assessment, maybe like the local psych but this time with a psych that specialises in gender dysphoria.

Before being able to get treatment which is usually after the second appointment (as two different psychs have to assess you) I would think it is safe to assume that they will want you to have done some Real Life Experience as living in your chosen gender.

I'm not sure what do you meant by scared of doing anything? By getting an appointment in a gender clinic you are already doing something. Do you mean doing things like living as your chosen gender and changing your name and things like that?

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Chrissy
Forums Moderator.

Always have faith and believe in yourself.
Never run from the truth.
Have the will to change your fate and your spirit will never die.
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Heya, and Thanks for the Replies

PurplePrincess wrote:

I'm not sure what do you meant by scared of doing anything? By getting an appointment in a gender clinic you are already doing something. Do you mean doing things like living as your chosen gender and changing your name and things like that?

Thats exactly what i mean, im scared to make any massive changes to my life. i'm far from being happy living as i am, my life isnt bad or anything im just not happy with my self. But Im scared to make that huge jump, in one step i could lose all that i do have. I'm worried once i do anything or come out to everything will change and it wont all be for the good and then there is no going back.
i know what i want to do but im scared of losing my friends or being treated as an outcast.

Jess

_________________
Chrissy
Forums Moderator.

Always have faith and believe in yourself.
Never run from the truth.
Have the will to change your fate and your spirit will never die.
Check out the tzone team bios here: http://www.transgenderzone.com/bio.htm

_________________
The Daily Turnout - King of the Throne Room

Heya, Thanks for the replies.

I think im mainly un happy with my body, when i look in the mirror and see blokey me looking back it makes me unhappy. i suffered with some depression a while back and this was kinda the main thing, it was my main reason for speaking to my GP. Once i was rid of my depression i knew i needed to sort something out or speak to someone that could help, cause i really didnt want to go through that again.

i dont have a problem with how people treat me, but i think i tend to act different around people to fit in.
I do get some jib from people at work sometimes, i grew my hair and tend to get called miss whilst im working when i have my back to people. mainly old people (long hair = girl to old folk ) it doesnt bother me that customers sometimes confuse me infact it makes me feel good sometimes.

i know true friends wouldnt desert, but i know how two faced people can be even those you call 'friends' especially people my age an younger. they tend to do things to help them fit in even if it means taking the mick or shunning other people.

I tend to ramble sometimes and I sometimes find it hard to express how im feeling to other people so i hope im making sense aswell.

Jess xXx

well i had my first appointment a few weeks ago, apart from trouble getting there cause of the tube and getting lost it wasn't half as scary as i thought it would be.
got asked loadsa questions and quite a few notes where made, i had a blood test done as well. He mention that hormones arent give unless you've done at least some RLT and i got my next appointment in Jan with another guy.
so my plan is to start getting something done about my facial hair, tell my brother and possible my friends and at least go out or to uni as Jess. ive told my parents about me being TS but not that i want to go full time or anything so i really need to talk to them again. there's no getting round that since im still liveing at home.
im still not sure about coming out at work just yet. i really dont like my job and i cant see it being a particular nice place to come out in. so im looking for a new one quiting and being job less isnt really an option which is a shame
if anyone's got some tips on the best way to tell friends, or any advice on good places in or around london that does ipl im all ears

Jess

_________________
Chrissy
Forums Moderator.

Always have faith and believe in yourself.
Never run from the truth.
Have the will to change your fate and your spirit will never die.
Check out the tzone team bios here: http://www.transgenderzone.com/bio.htm

I have just come back to the forum after a rather prolonged absense (ie. since before this forum)

Tube: You need the Picadilly or District line to Hammersmith. I havent got off the tube @ hammersmith for a looooong time but its not that difficult. I believe the road you want to walk down is the one opposite the bus station and under the flyover

i can definatly see the benefits of staying put and coming out at work i didn really think about it like that.
Ive been there just over 3 years and everyone seems to know me, im not loud or anything i consider my self pretty quiet. i just dont want people to see me as that guy that dresses like a girl or treat me as some weirdo. although to be fair there isnt any change in the uniform and the only difference would be in my name. I keep considering trying to leave work and just concentrate on uni and go full time then i have 2 years and a work placement before im finished, but i dont think i could survive with out an income i dont have to pay back.

heh my big mistake was not checking the tube conditon when i left for the hospital i got a picadilly train to barons court as on the map it looked the closest but some delays due to engineering work. since the cut out some trains we were crambed into the carriages it was so bad that at some stations no one could get on. this ment i got to the station with only 20 mins to find the place. firstly i walked the wrong way outta the station so had to double back i then went down loadsa residential roads and got lost till i found signs for chx hospital. but it turns out that its not on site and is above the sainsburys on the main road alittle further down from the hospital. i think i managed to get there but was 5 minutes late

I can feel my self getting to the same stage i was in last year before i went to see my Doc, ive got so much on my mind again im not sleeping properly. im off to NY in a few weeks so im hoping that will give me the chance to chill and relax. then once im back i can start orgainising my life.

Jess

lets not forget the often heightened camp that can ensue with the RLT

there is sometimes a SUPER CAMP RELEASE of finally being a girl - or a male in the case of FTMs in that they over do the experience and almost become a caricature of themselves which can make colleague cringe in what is already a difficult situation for them

lets not forget what they have to go thru too - its the equivalent say of a black guy coming in with white makeup on and it being perfectly ok - it is and it is personal choice - but this can unnerve the floor

go in make a few laughs break them in slowly

there will be people known in social sciences and are as

EARLY ADOPTERS
who will be sympathetic and happy for you - they will be secure in the gender and sexual identity

LATE ADOPTERS
they will be hard to get started - maybe even think its sick - they will come around in time thanks to the early adopter pressure

DENIAL
will not accept you as ever being a woman (or man) EVER think its sick you are a pest and should be sacked and will try everything they can to abuse and humiliate only you can gauge the status quo

hidden recording devices maybe necessary in denial environments

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Man [...] must count no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth." (Jean Paul Sartre, 1943)

I've been in London the past few days so i can sympathise with the delays! Stayed in Victoria and the circle line went down just as i was on the way to a HR lunch in Liverpool Street!

Glad everything went ok!

Ren

still have yet to sort anything out or talk to any of my friends. im hoping when i get paid next week ill have some money left to sort out some ipl, from what other people have said it's going to cost a little more than i thought.
my parents are looking at moving further up north maybe stoke or around there in march/april. im thinking coming out at work should be so much easyier since id be looking at getting a transfer anyway so if anyone does have a problem then i wouldnt be around them for much longer. I could even just go FT from when we move, but that means waiting till april when we sell up.

the only thing im worried about is CHX ive had my 1st appointment and my 2nd one is in January. if we move am i going to have to start from scratch docs->local psych->referal to a closer GIC etc or can i carry on at CHX. I'd like to go to my 2nd appointment with something to show even if it just started IPL and being myself at uni. although i doubt this is enough to get started on hormones.

Jess