where do i start lol

i remember being about 5 years old and wanting to play with dolls and playing wonderwomen. remember being 7 and dressing up in my mums things, then stopping for a few years, the starting again around 11 and not being able to stop.

i left home at 16, my relationship with my family broke down and i was a mess. i started tyo drink heavily and have never stopped. i was in poverty and in a fairly macho northern town lol, and i got hard, although i still dressed in secret.

i ahd lots of female partners and lost them all because i couldnt be what they wanted sexually/ .

then when i was 19 i moved to london, knowing no-one. i lived in hostels and nightshelters before falling into the squatting scene. during my twenties i continued to dress in secret but also had many failed relationships. i was scared and confused about my sexuality, i couldnt understand how i could fall so deeply in love with women but have never in my life had a sexual experience when i havent been imagining that im a woman

its not that being a woman turns me on so much i cant even consider sex unless in my mind im completely female

i did manage to make someone pregnant, and i have a wonderful 3 year old son who is my world and will be the main consideration when i consider any changes.

and that was my twenties really, i continued to drink every night, dress in secret, had a few furtive encounters with some guys i didnt really enjoy and a string of failed relationships with women i loved but couldnt be what they wanted

when i broke up with the mother of my child i fell into a deep depression, which i am now coming out of. i developed a bit of a wardrobe, as much as i can, my financial circumstances are dreadful and shouldnt be allowed lol

and then two months ago i joined second life. since then ive been dressing as a woman full time at home, feeping my biody shaved etc and i love it. i feel so much more natural and happy and ive decided to let julie out.

i dont know what that means, part of me longs for full transition, but i am so far away from that it seems abstract anyway, i am planning to take things one step at a time

if i get to a point where i feel comfortable ill stop, in the meantime it feels like i make me making a dream come true

but it al;so scares the shit out of me

i need friends, support, i need to meet other people like me and talk to them
that is the next step i guess

ill shut up now, but you did ask lol

i think the beaumont society is a good place to start.they have a great website and i've found it helpful in coming to terms with myself.there is a helpline and i've phoned in the past for advice.
it's a good idea to go to your g.p. and ask about counseling.i've been referred in the past by my g.p. for psychotherapy.i've saw a psychologist in the past too and i found that useful to some extent.
there isn't really any cure for crossdressing and i think you just have to accept it and come to terms with it.i know a lot of people end up drinking heavily instead of dressing and thats not good either.there is a lot of guilt and shame that comes with dressing and that can be crippling and lead to pretty low self esteem.
your not alone and i can understand how you feel.london is a good place to be transgendered.people are pretty open minded and there are lots of venues for crossdressers.the way out club is a good place to go and you can go dressed as a man if your not happy going crossdressed.it's a pretty mixed crowed and it's a safe environment to crossdress in.it's on every saturday near tower bridge.
charles fox in covent garden offer make up lessons to tv/ts girls although it's expensive.the boudoir is a good dressing service although thats expensive also.it's not cheap being a crossdresser unfortunately.i hope thats helpful to you.
sgian.

thanks sgian, it probably for another thread, but it is expensive being a crossdresser, and im very poor, which doesnt help lol

its something i find quite depressing tbh, there are all these places like transformation who claim to offer loads of support, but you better get your credit card out first

meanwhile i still have no idea what i want, my sons here right now which means i cant even dress and i hate it

ive spent the last month as a woman all the time at home and its horrible returning to being a man

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The Daily Turnout - King of the Throne Room

thanks for all the advice, ive found a local group and when i pluck up the courage ill contact them.

Reenie, i understand what you mean about my son, problem is its not him im worried as much as my ex, who will use anything she can to stop me being part of his life, thats why im too nervous to dress around him, although i do justwear a sarong and neutral t-shirt around the house, and he hasnt asked where the hair on my legs and chest has gone yet lol