I feel I've done the wrong thing, I need advice, I've had my phalloplasty surgery done, and I felt good about it, but I have a few problems, Im now back with my boyfriend, before we could have sex, now Im afraid, I've been avoiding the sex thing, I want to have sex the way we had it before, but we cant, I miss the old part of me, but also love my new penis, Im so screwed up just now, I just want to hold my boyfriend and have sex the way we used to, but its gone forever, has anyone else had this problem?

Hi Riggs, and welcome to tzone!

I haven't had a phallo, so can't really speak from experience here I'm afraid. Have you discussed how you're feeling with your boyfriend? I know it might not be the easiest subject to broach, but if you can discus how you both feel openly and honestly, then you might find that together you can explore new ways of having sex that you're both comfortable with. If you're struggling to discuss it together, a local LGBT organisation might offer some sort of couples counselling that could help - again, I know that's not for everyone, but it's worth a mention.

You say you're afraid - I'm assuming you mean that you're afraid of having other forms of sex to that which you're used to. That's understandable - many, many people are nervous about trying new sexual things. Try taking it slowly, talking to each other about what you like, what you want to try, and what you definitely don't like. There's loads of books available that can help you with tips and techniques - you could try reading them together to help open up discussion. I really do believe that communication is the way to a healthy sex life - for everyone, not just in this instance.

I hope that some of that helps.

Dave

Hi

I agree with Dave, its prob best to sit down and talk it all thru with your bf. Like Dave I havent had the phallo done yet so im not talkin from experience.

I presume what you're feeling must be simliar to what an amputee must feel at first. I know the 2 are no way similar but im just using it as an example.
If a person had say had to have their leg removed for whatever reason, then at first that person would obv miss havin it there and would go thru all sorts of emotions over it. But then in time they would learn to adjust and find ways of gettin on etc.
This I guess can be said for losing your female bits. You've had it all your life so when its gone its only natural that there's a sense of loss at some point. You were acustomed to life with it and had pleasure from it etc so now to be without it is prob a strange feeling. But like the amputee, its all about finding ways to move on from it and having the same enjoyment as you did previously.
Its all just new to you, you can enjoy the same closeness you had with your bf b4 the phallo it will just take time to discover the new ways in which you both interact 2gether sexually.

I hope all of that made sense. It sounded better in my head

All the best

Hi Riggs, welcome to tzone.

I'm MtF pre-op and it might seem strange offering advice here, but, well, I've got an imagination.

My tallywhackers are highly mobile and I can push the whole plot back inside and create a cavity with a depth of about three inches (the ex-missus found this amusing...)

I don't know if either you or the boyfriend are so accomplished, but there's an idea anyway.

Sorry all, TMI, I know...

I've PM'd you as my answer is not for pupic viewing.

Welcome to the Zone.

_________________
" Too many years fighting the tears, Why can't the past just die. Try to for give, teach me to live, give me the strength to try. No more memories, no more silent tears, no more gazing across the wasted years, help me to say. Goodbye"
From Phantom Of The Opera

Fishkeeper is Admin staff for FTM's.
My Bio. http://www.transgenderzone.com/bio.htm
we have a library
http://www.transgenderzone.com/library

feel free to browse