Had a nice morning Picked my friend up and went to the doctors. Had a nice chat about normal stuff on the way, it's a lovely day too!

GP went over my blood test results, everything came back within normal ranges which was a relief. "I've referred you to the psychiatric unit, I hope that's okay" she says. Er, yes, that's what I wanted! Yay!
So really happy about that, I wasn't sure I made myself clear enough in the last appointment

My friend insisted on taking me out for breakfast... he persists in making me eat crap even though I'm dieting *sigh*. I figure I can make an exception today though, besides it feels pointless arguing with him, and we had a nice cooked breakfast. Did a little shopping then dropped him back at his place coz he's off to London this afternoon.
Hopefully we'll go see Mamma Mia when he gets back ^_^

_________________
Words like violence, break the silence
Come crashing in, into my little world

_________________
"Life is about choices, the choices you make, the choices made for you, and the choices you make for others. Not all are good, not all are bad, it's how you deal with the outcomes that makes you the person you are today." - Crystal

Thank you for the reply Fae!

I do drive too I go to Bristol every now and then to see bands who aren't performing in Cardiff, although I used to go out socially too. All my Bristol friends moved to Cardiff/France/London though

Cardiff has a great LGBT scene too, well more LGB than T as you'd expect but whatever Can't find a support group although maybe I'm just not looking hard enough, although it gets to a point where you're just finding stuff like 'xxx ladyboys' or places like the Kink Club lol.

As it is at the moment, I want to lose more weight before I start dealing with trans support groups etc. It's a separate issue, but I've plenty of time before I get to see a psych anyway. I'd love to meet up eventually though, it's mostly about confidence, but if I don't feel confident walking out of the door in a baggy shirt and jeans it's not happening with anything else.
Determined to lose the weight though, as I've a few skirts I'd love to fit back into So it's just a matter of time!

edit: I removed my MSN addy from my profile due to being bugged last night. Was pretty minor but some of the stuff I was getting asked was quite inappropriate and definitely not appreciated! Felt like whoever it was was taking the piss, but I couldn't be sure and I wanted to be nice.
So if anyone fancies chatting on MSN then PM me on here first <3

_________________
Words like violence, break the silence
Come crashing in, into my little world

_________________
"Life is about choices, the choices you make, the choices made for you, and the choices you make for others. Not all are good, not all are bad, it's how you deal with the outcomes that makes you the person you are today." - Crystal

I can see the Millennium Centre (the turtle back shaped building) from my apartment or I could if the trees weren't in the way

_________________
Words like violence, break the silence
Come crashing in, into my little world

Got an email from my Dad today, won't post the whole thing as it's not relevant but this

Quote:

Looking forward to our autumn of music and seeing you soon. I have to say (hand on heart) that you, and [my brother*] for that matter, are my best friend. Love Dad

made my heart melt. It's funny to think how far my relationship with my Dad has come, and his with my brother too for that matter.

*my brother is incredibly easy going but I don't know if he'd want his name on here. Doubt he'd care but I'd have to ask him

Had to phone my parents after that, just to say hi really and confirm other stuff in the email mostly regarding gig dates and stuff.
Had a great chat with both of them and arranged to see them on Sunday for lunch, kept biting my lip wanting to tell them everything over the phone, but I don't really want to do that lol although I very nearly did anyway.

I really, really want to tell them. They've just been so worried about me for so long and I feel I owe it to them to let them know what's been making me such a psychopath forever and that I'm doing something about it, but it just feels so hard. I don't know if it's too early or not but I feel like I can't hold it in any longer.
I wonder if Sunday might well be the time to do it. The thought scares the shit out of me.

_________________
Words like violence, break the silence
Come crashing in, into my little world

My best and longest friend from a long time ago caught me on MSN tonight. I've not seen or spoken to him in years, which is my doing. He's always been quite the lad, huge rugby player, into his sport, bizarre porn and whatever lol.
Not typically someone I thought would be that understanding of me being trans, hell he even linked me a video of Buck Angel having sex with some pre-op MTF minutes into us starting a conversation after so many years. Quite uncomfortable as you might imagine, and I think I'd decided then and there I wasn't going to tell him at all.

He really surprised me though, he asked how I was and all the usual stuff, but was very sensitive about my depression and seemed genuinely happy I wasn't feeling depressed anymore. Even said some very insightful things that made me think twice about my earlier reservations. Eventually I told him though after making him promise to keep it a secret, even from his wife. One thing he's always been great at is keeping secrets and I do trust his word. I was going to be best man at his wedding and he's confided in me in his darkest moments, I felt a bit rotten that I'd felt like I couldn't tell him for so long.

Well I was shocked at his reaction, he was very understanding and just said something along the lines of "I'll always be your friend, no matter what you do or look like, I'm only disappointed you couldn't tell me before. True friends don't abandon their mates over anything." Wish I'd kept the conversation. For someone who can be so lacking in tact and in your face with out there grotesque stuff, he really did surprise me.

Had a great conversation, he was genuinely interested in what being trans meant and what I intended to do, and I tried to answer to the best of my ability, despite it being such a confusing issue for me still.
He had to go to bed eventually, said his kids would be up kicking him in the nuts at 6am and needed the sleep

Got me thinking though about my previous post here, telling my parents. Although telling this particular friend had it's own risks, we're childhood friends so he knows my parents well and his parents are even good friends with mine too... so if it all went badly, I could have been 'outed' before I was ready. I'm just wondering even more now if I should tell my folks this Sunday when I see them.
I desperately want and probably need the support of my parents, but I don't know if the great reactions I've had from the few people I've told so far is giving me fanciful optimism that my parents will just be fine with it.

Maybe I should wait a bit until I can better answer their questions myself? I don't know if I should present them with some literature, which would be best, how much? Gah! Obviously ordering a book would mean I couldn't tell them Sunday as it wouldn't get here in time and I'd prefer to read it first anyway. Any ideas? lol

_________________
Words like violence, break the silence
Come crashing in, into my little world

Had a lovely afternoon with my folks, although mums idea of a healthy salad doesn't match mine, figured I'd make an exception today

Didn't have the guts to tell my parents I'm trans, they were too happy that I'm so much better and partly I didn't want to spoil it =/

Learned that one of my cousins is likely to be diagnosed with Schizophrenia, he's being treated at the moment and that's what the doctors are leaning towards. Poor bastard, he was a really nice guy from what I remember, but he's having intense psychotic episodes where he's extremely violent . Needless to say this news didn't help with me getting up the courage to tell my parents either!

_________________
Words like violence, break the silence
Come crashing in, into my little world

_________________
Chrissy
Forums Moderator.

Always have faith and believe in yourself.
Never run from the truth.
Have the will to change your fate and your spirit will never die.
Check out the tzone team bios here: http://www.transgenderzone.com/bio.htm