i joined this forum a few minutes ago, and thought i'd plough ahead and start a blog.

plans for tomorrow
- come out to parents (absolutely crapping myself with fear is the phrase i'd use)

plans for tuesday
- talk to my tutor at college

i am actually petrified.

Wow!! that's quite a beginning of the week you're going to have.

I really hope everything goes well with coming to your parents and speaking with your tutor in college. It is only natural to feel scared, afterall it is a big step to tell people about how you feel.

Do you have a particular plan on how to tackle the issue with your parents?
I think it does help to have an idea of how you are going to do it. I just came out with it to my mum with no real idea of what I was going to say and I think my mum would have understood better in the beginning if I had planned it more.

If you have any problems there are plenty of guys and girls here who can offer some supportive words and advice.

Once again, good luck Lucas .

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Chrissy
Forums Moderator.

Always have faith and believe in yourself.
Never run from the truth.
Have the will to change your fate and your spirit will never die.
Check out the tzone team bios here: http://www.transgenderzone.com/bio.htm

Welcome to Tzone Lucas.

Tell us a bit about yourself, we're all ears

Good luck with the parent thing too btw. Hope it all goes well for you.

Mike

i've written them a letter to explain everything. i didn't want to just blurt it out and then make things worse by not explaining myself properly. and thanks, think i'm going to need all the luck i can get! my parents went nuts when i told them i liked girls, so this may be a rather difficult issue for them to get to grips with.

hi mike - in all honesty i'm not that interesting. to give you a breif outline of my "trans history", i sort of knew something wasn't quite right from a very early age. i generally felt uncomfortable being a girl and constantly wished i could be a boy. found out about female-to-male transsexuals and the possibility of surgery/hormones about a year ago, and knew straight from the off that's what i needed to do. bigggg relief when i realised i wasn't alone in what i was feeling. starting coming out to friends, and that's how things are currently standing. it's been a long haul, trying to accept myself as trans, and yet the best few years of my life, working out that i wasn't some weird, screwed up girl but a man in my own right.

as for the name, many of my friends have told me "oh, that's unusual, why couldn't you pick a normal male name?" but i got it from a book, and the said character was the sort of guy i wanted to be, i guess. i knew when i saw that name that it was my name, and i've had it ever since.

i'll tell you how the "coming out" goes tomorrow.

i couldn't get to sleep last night, i kept thinking about coming out and how my parents would react...and i know that i can't do it. not today, at least.

it's my day off on wednesday, so i think i'll do it then. my mum gets home from work around midday, so i'll talk to her about it, and then when my dad gets home i'll talk to him as well.

it annoys me so much that i feel like this, i wish i could just say it and not have to feel sick to my stomach at the thought of it. god, it's all so difficult.

Hi Lucas, I think it's a nice name. And if, like you said, it feels like it's 'yours' then there's not much you can do about it lol.

It's perfectly understandable to feel anxious about your parents reactions to this news. Coming out is a really big deal and for most people family is one of the major sources of support (or lack of it). A lot of people here have gone through the same thing - and we all came out of it alive! You can't control how they're going to react, so as long as you feel reasonably prepared there's not much else you can do. Good luck!

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Check out the Tzone team bios (including mine!) at: http://www.transgenderzone.com/bio.htm

Supporting the family, friends and partners of trans people in the UK: http://www.depend.org.uk/support.html
If you are struggling we will support you
If you are celebrating we will join you

http://www.io.com/~wwwomen/queer/etiquette/intro.html

That url should be required reading for anyone planning to come out.

Good luck.

_________________
Chrissy
Forums Moderator.

Always have faith and believe in yourself.
Never run from the truth.
Have the will to change your fate and your spirit will never die.
Check out the tzone team bios here: http://www.transgenderzone.com/bio.htm

If you read through it, there is a section specifically about coming out as TS/TG. I'd also say the thought processes involved are quite similar.

In any case, most straight people lump us all together. Allegedly, mtf people only do it to make their gay tendencies socially acceptable. Never mind that it's like a billion times more socially acceptable to be gay than to be TS. I'd also say that labels such as hetero/homo-sexual break down when it comes to us.

Maybe not show it to your folks (they often want something coming from an authoritative source), but it might make you think.

Finally, the writing style is just too funny not to read it.

Anyway, some serious advice...

- If you are financially dependant on your folks for stuff like food or shelter, I'd strongly advise coming out to a close friend who can help you out on at least the shelter aspect, just in case your folks react badly. I got lucky, but a lot of people have horror stories.

i echo in what others say that there never is a 'right' time. and if you try and find it you'll be waiting forever.

what i can say though is choose a time where people aren't distracted by anything important (coronation street, the football...) and not in a rush to go somewhere (ie getting getting to leave the house or in the car on the way to work).

try to get the mix of informal and serious right. but don't go too over the top where you get them anxious before you start by morbidly sitting them down and saying ''i've something to tell you'' as though you're about to tell them someone has died..because this'll just give the natural reaction that it's bad news and they must act accordingly.

put emphasis on how much happier you've been since you realised there is something you can do about it, and how much of a relief it is. maybe have pictures and information about other trans men post-transition to hand so you can show them they are normal men and not ''freak shows'' as it's unlikely they'll have seen a post-transition trans man before and know he was trans.

here are a few links to such websites with photos in the public domain.


http://transphoto.smugmug.com/

http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TSsuccesses/TransMen.html

this one is my personal favourite vv

http://www.thetransitionalmale.com/tmen.html

there's also a community on livejournal called ftmvanity where ftm men of all stages of transition post pictures of themselves- but if you use this one be sure to get the person's permission as they are private photos.

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forum moderator

thanks william, all of that is very helpful. i'll definitely incorporate some of that when talking to them. i'll have to tell you all how it goes tomorrow, so fingers crossed.

just a separate note, once i've come out, i'm a little confused...should i go to my gp? i want to go to see dr curtis, ideally, and go about getting t that way...but my gp has no idea i'm trans, so should i probably tell him first?

also, i don't have a lot of money...so i guess i'd probably have to go about getting a job before seeing dr curtis. i obviously don't want to get a job while i'm still seen as male, but i don't yet pass and i haven't yet changed my name. i'm a bit confused.

if you want to see dr curtis then all you have to do is call his office and make an appointment. you can get all the information on his website here

www.transhealth.co.uk

his waiting list is approx 3 weeks, for reference.

it's not necessary to tell your gp, as dr curtis is private. but if you are hoping to do shared care (ie get your T prescription and bloodtests on the nhs) then, yes, you will have to tell your gp your intentions. Dr Curtis will then write them a letter after your appointment with him explaining shared care and what part they need to take in it.

they can be awkward and refuse if you haven't seen an nhs based GIC, but this seems to be unlikely, although it happened in my case. most gps seem nice enough to co-operate if you fulfill the Harry Benjamin Standards of Care, which you will before Dr Curtis will prescribe you T.

if your gp does refuse you can either, go to another gp, or just continue privately (this is what i'm doing until i move to england in a couple of years). Dr Curtis can arrange bloodtests and prescriptions for you in this case.

as for before seeing Dr Curtis, you don't have to prepare anything as such. if you aren't full-time or don't reach the HB standards of care (at least 3 months full-time and 3 months of counselling) then he'll arrange this for you and see you again in 3 months to probably prescribe.

you can also speed things up by going full-time/getting counselling before you see him, which will of course knock time off the ''3 months''.

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forum moderator

okay thanks. so you have to have counselling before you're pescribed t? i'm fine with the 3 months full-time, but i don't particulary want to see a councillor. :/

oh, and i have no idea what to say to my gp. just say 'i'm trans'?