I know I havent used my blog in ages, but I felt I had to say this somewhere, but not make a new thread for it.

It's my 1000th post!
I know I'm sad but I'm going to have a little speach.

Ahem. I'd like to thank everyone who supported me over the years and stopped me doing anything silly along the way, were quick with the hugs and generaly were just there for me:
-Aimee. I dont know what I'd have done without you. You really brightened up my life and certainly stopped me from visiting that vet! I miss you loads when you're not around.
-Stella. For bieng an endless font of knowledge that has really helped give me the information I needed to make educated choices about my life and several other times has helped me in more ways I can list.
-Chrissie. Your advice and your just general way to cheer me up and sit down and have a chat is an awesome quality you have. You always take an interest and you're such a sweet person.
-Dave. For just bieng Dave!
-Hannah. Your snuggles rawk!
-And all the people who I stupidly forgot at midnight while my brian was dead. Thank you! ^^

I realise that I am now the saddest person in the history of everything for having a speach about my 1000th post. I'm surely damned

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I look back at most of my life and think "WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?!??"

...not as sad as me feeling compelled to add yet another post so I stay that much ahead of you!

Congratulations on 1000 posts!

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The Daily Turnout - King of the Throne Room

Dad phoned last night.
He said that he wants his son back, that I will always be isolated from my family and that I'm not really trans, "somebody" is apparantly pushing me into transition against my will.
He then told me that he stresses out so badly every time he talks to be that it's making him ill and in the good of his physical health he will not be phoning me again and I am not to contact him again, ever.
That's my whole family gone now...
Got past the crying stage last night. I just feel numb now and not sure what to think.
Why does this happen? What's so terrible about me transitioning? I just cant wrap my head around this because when I think back to why I didnt transition earlier, my entire aguement for why it was a bad idea was "Just because!" . Is that what my parents think too? Because they act like there's some real reason I shoudlnt be doing this. I just cant think of it.

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I look back at most of my life and think "WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?!??"

Oh Rachel, this is sad news, and no consolation I can offer here will be adequate.

Even so, your dad may yet come round in time. Remember his birthday and Christmas, and time may heal the loss that he feels.

He did meet you before for a drink, and may well meet you again, if you don't add fuel to the flames of his distress.

This approach sometimes works, and sometimes doesn't, but is more likely to succeed than an over-wrought emotional reaction which might cause more hurt on both sides.

For many of us, other trans people are the only family we have, and if that should turn out to be the case for you, then it is very much better than not having any family at all.

Chin up!

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http://www.spinwatch.org/

I'm sorry to hear that Rachel. Some of us have suffered so much loss that it's
almost unbearable. I lost my partner of 15 years and pretty much all of my friends.

I hope the situation with your dad changes and that at least some sort of relationship will remain. Maybe through some sort of compromise?

Best wishes.

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It's Sunrise On The Sufferbus

Some times parents can not see past the trees and will blame the ones they love, your dad is going through a hard time at the moment and he has to blame some one for it all.

Once he see's how happy you are and thet it was og your own fre will, he may come back to you. I know it's hard but give hime time and who knows what may happen.

Keep smiling lass, you have a good heart.

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" Too many years fighting the tears, Why can't the past just die. Try to for give, teach me to live, give me the strength to try. No more memories, no more silent tears, no more gazing across the wasted years, help me to say. Goodbye"
From Phantom Of The Opera

Fishkeeper is Admin staff for FTM's.
My Bio. http://www.transgenderzone.com/bio.htm
we have a library
http://www.transgenderzone.com/library

feel free to browse

Rachel, dear...

I read your post and then Stella replied with precisely the words that I would have used.

It's a heavy blow and I hope that you have good bath tub and some soothing herbal extracts in which to unwind.

My Dad's a nightmare; we love each other but we don't talk. It's a strange arrangement. Time and a patient approach will provide an answer...

Meantime, sleep well.

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The Daily Turnout - King of the Throne Room

Awwwww Rachel, I am so sorry to hear this. I think Stella's advice is spot on as usual.

I think that it can be common for some families to feel like someone has died when a family member comes out as trans. Of course it's a negative way of looking at things but it is a natural reaction for a family to go through a period of mourning. I don't think there is anything you can really do apart from hope that the mourning passes and they want to start accepting who you are. I hope in time they will realise that they have gained a wonderful daughter.

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Chrissy
Forums Moderator.

Always have faith and believe in yourself.
Never run from the truth.
Have the will to change your fate and your spirit will never die.
Check out the tzone team bios here: http://www.transgenderzone.com/bio.htm

Be strong, Rachel. It's not completely lost yet. As long as people are alive, there is always a possibility of change.

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I have to EDIT because I can't SPELL!!

Sorry to hear about your family problems.

It's long been acknowledged in a number of mental health issues that family Expressed Emotion, Hostility and Emotional Over-Involvement are key constructs that are related to both family well being and a positive outcome for the "patient". (Aside - sorry to use pathologising terminology in terms of "patient" but such research is normally carried out with-in a medical model)

Indeed, many of my collegues are currently engaged in research projects that develop Family Interventions in schizophrenia as a way of reducing such expressed emotion in families and this approach has been very successful.

And having worked with the families of patients with schizophrenia I often see many parallels in terms of EE,H and EOI with-in those families and with the types of problems that are often reported by trans people about their family relationships. Indeed as a psychologist I'd be almost certain that there would be very high levels of EE,H and EOI in the families of many trans people and as such I'd hypothesise that such problems could be addressed by Family Intervention Therapies. I've often thought that this would make an excellant PhD or Post Doctoral research project for someone with an interest in carrying out research in this area.

However, as things stand it's difficult enough to get funding for the basic medical issues surrounding Gender Dysphoria, never mind the secondary issue of the mental well being of families and family relationships. However, in an ideal world...

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Cheeky Cat!

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I look back at most of my life and think "WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?!??"

That actually brings a genuine tear to my eye, and you have my sympathy and whatever support I can offer, even though I am a stranger. I could go on a tirade of flaming a faceless 'enemy', but I feel you need comforting, more than your father needs flaming.

I don't know what it must feel like for you, but I hope in time you will both reconcile your differences, lord knows the bridges I've burned and rebuilt in my own family.

For now, I offer the warm of embrace of a sympathetic stranger, and the best of wishes that it will in time resolve itself amicably.

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"Life is about choices, the choices you make, the choices made for you, and the choices you make for others. Not all are good, not all are bad, it's how you deal with the outcomes that makes you the person you are today." - Crystal

Wish I could give you a big hug, that must be heart breaking
Seems like emotional blackmail to me, but it does sound like your dad is taking it pretty hard and clearly doesn't understand what you're going through. At least he responded though, maybe he'll come around in time? *big virtual huggles*

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Words like violence, break the silence
Come crashing in, into my little world

I really dont know what to say after reading that.
I really feel for you and what you going through, although i really cant understand how your feeling


There is always the hope that if they really do miss you that they will try to stay in some sort of contact even if they dont agree with your choices.

Hugs Jess

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Feel free to add me to msn. i do turn it on honest

Im so sorry, I wish I could say something magic to make it all better for you

You will always have support here 24/7 no matter what