hmm, after my last injection it seems my voice has started to break, got the next one on tues so hopefully it will continue.

gotta have the blood tests around this one, oh joy.

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fucking NHS!

had this hand injury for like 12/13 weeks so far so of course i need a note from the doctor for the exam board to get exam concessions.

and they bloody well want to charge me for it!

and of course they failed to tell me this when i requested the bloody thing so i go to pick it up this morning and couldn't because i had no fucking money on me.

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Man [...] must count no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth." (Jean Paul Sartre, 1943)

please excuse the length of the post, if anyone makes it all the way through i thank you for taking the time to do so.

:'( i've decided the muscle bulking effect of T is a bad thing for people trying to loose weight.

After a great start to the year (september-august year not jan-december year) where by december i'd lost a stone and dropped a clothes size the loosing size has almost completely stopped.

my clothes are slightly looser but still not another size down. But my weight has jumped up. I've been working on building stamina and trying to improve my pectoral muscles. This has had the effect of increasing the ammount of muscle i have so my BMI has gone up which has the medical people in my life having a go at me again.

I don't know how to win this one, i can't afford a gym and my bike was stolen so i'm relying on what i can do at home and long walks to try and boost my health, my wrist is still out so thats also a problem. i just don't know what to do.

I've got my next CXH appointment on tuesday and i'm feeling at a real low and am totally lost on the weight thing.

My friends say that they feel i eat the healthiest of all of us, eating many stirfrys where the only flavouring is soy and using minimal oil (i've gone through about 600ml of sunflower oil this year using it several times a week whereas others who barely cook with oil have gone through over a litre) all my pasta sauce is homemade using tomatoes and garlic as the main ingredients, i do eat meat too but i cut off all the fat/drain the pan after browning if its mince. i've checked my meals against the GI food lists and theyre all in the green.

i eat two meals a day, lunch and dinner, drink only two cups of caffinated tea/coffee a day as they say excess caffine can slow weight loss. I tried eat breakfast again recently and still hate the way my stomach feels when i do, i get bloated and queasy when i get up and go straight to eating. and even if i have time to wait before i eat by the end of the day i feel ive eaten too much. I don't eat puddings except on rare occasions.

what can i do?

and this bloody chest of mine, though i'd never do it the urge to try and remove these lumps of flesh myself is always there and eating at me, it's getting me very down, and i know that theres a long way to go before i'll get surgery as i have to wait for CHX to get to the point they want to refer me, i have to then wait the waiting list, and i need to loose the size before they'll even consider operating on me :'(

basically life kinda sucks right now, and i don't know how to get out of this rut, I don't belive i've reached the point of depressed yet but i'm not sure i'll stay away from it if tuesdays apointment is bad or my upcoming exam results are awful.

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That's why BMI is crap, it doesn't take muscle into account at all. Bodybuilders are probably all obese according to BMI.

Long walks are good exercise. And it sucks that so much depends on your weight because it sounds like you are living pretty healthy. I hope you keep at it though, maybe your weight will start dropping. If nothing else it's always good to be healthy.

Hey Cayden

I know exactly what you mean about weight loss and muscle building, but don't despair. As Skyler says, BMI is rubbish for things like that. However, if your clothes are feeling looser, that's a much better indication that you're losing fat, even though you're gaining muscle. If you're also feeling healthier - able to do more without getting out of breath, for instance, that's also a good sign that your general health is improving.

Try talking to the medical people in your life. If they're inexperienced in dealing with trans guys, they probably won't have thought through the implications of T on your BMI, and you might be able to point that out to them.

Dave

I totally understand where you're coming from. I needed to lose 6st before they would consider operating on me. I am almost there now, just 6lbs off. Its taken me 14 months up to now. It wasnt easy, dieting never is as you will know.

By the sounds of it you're eating very well. I dont think I could really offer you much in the way of advice about your diet. I would say tho, if you can manage it, try and eat breakfast it does help. I never used to eat breakfast but while being on the diet I have made a conscious effort to eat it everyday and I do.
There are certain foods which make you lose weight easier, I can only recall a few off the top of my head but if you want I could find out for you. Things like prawns, coley (fish), cod, haddock, strawberrys, tuna, melon are some of them. Ofcourse the fish is filleted with no breadcrumbs etc.

For the most part of my diet I totally cut out all meat and just ate fish. My thoughts were that all meat whether you cut the fat off or not contains fat at some level. I found cutting meat out helped alot. I also eat alot of cous cous. A little goes a long way and really fills you up.

Exercise wise, I think in the 14 months of dieting I must have done a total of 4 days exercise lol I have a weight bench and loads of weights at home but I have not used them whilst being on the diet cus of the weight gain that would come from gaining muscle. Once ive had my chest op and am healed enough I will then start to work out to build up muscle. I have seen a few blokes who have also waited until after the op and it has taken them approx 12 months to get a really muscular body, so waiting doesnt bother me.

I agree with Skyler, a good brisk walk everyday will help burn off some calories and will get your body into shape.

I cant really think of much more, as I said you pretty much sound like you're doing everything right. Keep at it, dont give up. As with everything in life you just gotta find the right balance that works for you. It took me a few tries before I found what was right for me.

Sorry for going on lol All the best with it.

Thanks for the advice guys

Unfortunatly as a student i can only really afford beef and chicken. though i've made an effort to use as little as possible and rely on veg more.

i guess i just have to keep at it and keep my spirits up. got a hair cut today it was getting rather long again. i always get self concious when i have my hair cut.

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The diet ive been on is cheap as chips mate. I havent got rafts of money either. Cus im on a diet and eat totally diff things from my gf I buy my own food shopping. I do a fortnight shop every 2 weeks and its costs me £20-25 and thats for 2 weeks worth of food. So thats only £12.50 a week at most. At the end of the 2 weeks I still have some bits left.
I shop at Asda, the fish and their own brand prawns are very cheap.

You can do it mate, just keep your chin up. When you get fed up and down hearted thats when you're most likely to cheat.

unfortunatly theres no asda i can get to easily at uni, dont even know where it is just ive never found it and the locals claim you dont go there if you use public transport as its too out the way.

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Tesco's just as cheap. I shop there too, just depending on which one I feel like going to at the time lol I can get just the same stuff for the same price. Also at Morrisons too.
Like I said tho, you'll find the right balance for you.

hmm i never manage to spend so little at morrisons

next year i'll be nearer to a tesco so i'll be able to get there but this year ive been stuck with morrisons and sainsburys.

sorry to be always finding problems i really do appreciate your advice

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If you take a tape mesure to your self, you'll find that you have lost inches, more people today prefer that than counting the kcals.

When a body is under training it will use the reserves [fat], it will build up the meat,[muscel], the latter is heavey but then it has to hold up the bones, so it had to be.

I would carry on as before you blink, not only have you got a better phyisc, you'll have shifted the weight.

Different things are for different people, Mike is the kinda of guy that can that shift the weight and still look as if he has been working out, others like my self have to bloody work at it, to get such a result.

If your happy then keep at it.

I remember you saying some were that you believed your voice was craking? Any up dates?

Any thing else you have noticed?

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for the first 2/3 weeks after an injection my voice goes somewhat crackly but then by the last week it stops again.

though i have permanently lost many of the higher pitched noises i used to be able to make. A good thing in my opinion.

lots of hair sprouting on the body/darkening where there already was hair. which is nice.

slightly increased spottyness but still barely anything which i'm rather happy about.

the skin on my face especially is slowly becoming rougher to the touch.

i think thats all for recent changes

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Am off to my next appointment at CXH shortly. Fingers crossed. will post tonight about it.

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