Hey. It's been a while since I've posted anything. How's everyone?

I don't know how to start this one. I recently got together with a girl and the time has come when things are getting heavier and the feeling of whether or not to have sex is coming up quite often. I like to think of myself as pretty established as a transman and on how my day-to-day life runs, but I think I've been avoiding the sex part of my life by just not having any. In my last relationship I was, shall we say, a 'giver' and it took me a year to 'receive' anything from my girlfriend. Even then I wasn't that comfortable with it because I felt like I was having lesbian sex. I think it's due to the fact I hadn't had my chest surgery; it made me really sensitive about everything. It didn't really help matters in the end. I'd enjoy myself and then feel horrible afterwards - Catch-22 type thing.

Now, I've had my surgery by a few months and I'm content with the results. I just need to work out more and lose the fat around my hips and I'd have a passable male torso. In any case, I'd get my shirt off around my new girlfriend if we were in the dark. I'm a lot less self-conscious than I used to be pre-surgery. My girlfriend obviously is aware I'm trans and is cool with it, so far as I know. She's never really treated me any differently in any case. The only thing is, I feel ridiculous sometimes if I take my shorts off because there's this thing there that's undoubtedly female to me. I realise that and I've grown to live with it but I don't know how far to let her go, how far I'm comfortable with. I wouldn't like her to go down on me, but I'd let her use her hand I guess. I say 'might' and 'maybe' to a lot of things. I'd like her to be able to do these things, and I don't think she'd be shocked or horrified. I'm just having a hard time of thinking of it as anything other than a vagina.

I was thinking as well about buying a strappy, one that I can pack with and use for sex, except I have no experience with either, so I'm clueless as to where to buy from and sizes. The bigger question is: would she want that? I mean I think I rejected the idea of prosthetics because I thought it'd feel a little ridiculous but I'm warming to the idea. I'd like to be able to have sex in the way I feel is right.

Can anyone give me advice on this? I haven't really spoken to many transguys about 'how they do it'. I know it isn't something people like to share so readily and it took me a lot to even ask, but I'd appreciate any advice you can give me.

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"We burn the fat off our souls... Hemingway said that..."

I've just seen your thread, and I'm about to go to bed, so it's too late for me to write a proper reply just now. I've got plenty to say here though, so I'll try and write a proper reply in the next couple of days, when I get some more time. I just wanted you to know that your question isn't being ignore though!

Oh, and it's good to see you back, I was just wondering the other day how you were getting on, and how your chest surgery went. I'd be interested to hear about your surgery - in a separate thread would probably be best - if you'd care to share the details with us

Dave

Hey. Not sure whether you would want to hear from me on this one, but I can't resist a sex question lol.

This is a really difficult thing and I can totally see where you're coming from. It's awkward enough starting any new sexual relationship without all the extra issues that come with one (or both) people involved being trans.

Your saying 'might' and 'maybe' to things really reminds me of Mole when we first started being intimate. I was very cautious as pretty much the only thing I had picked up about being trans at the time was, 'oh he must really hate his body.' And that made me afraid that I would do something he would find traumatic. So I badgered him with questions, is this alright, is that alright, how would you feel if I did such and such, do you want to take your trousers off? And he was very vague, didn't really seem to know what he wanted and it was all very awkward and even caused arguments. He had been a 'giver' before as well and I found all this very peculiar, being used to more reciprocal sex.

I'm glad to say this is all way in the past and our sex life is much more relaxed these days, on both sides. But it took a while to get here. So be prepared for possibly months of awkwardness.

As to what you're actually going to do, well no one can tell you that unfortunately. It sounds like you've considered the possibilities which is a good start. This may be really obvious, but have you and your girlfriend talked about any of this? If there's anything you absolutely won't allow, I think it's important to make that clear. Also she might have some thoughts of her own on how things should/could happen and what might make it easier.

On the other hand, try not to talk and analyse about it too much. Once you actually get on with it, and are in the mood, you might find some of your worries diminish.

As for the strap on, I think this is something worth trying. But if it's not something you're used to, maybe don't bring it out the first time. They take some getting used to and a sense of humour about sex which isn't often present in the early days! Obviously I can't speak for your girlfriend, but most women get more pleasure from clitoral stimulation and other stuff than from penetration - although of course that is part of the action. Also if it were me I would like to be involved in the choosing of such equipment, but of course my feelings towards phallic objects are a bit more complex than a straight girl's.

By the way, maybe I'm asking the impossible here, but don't feel guilty about getting pleasure from the bits you've got. Of course it's not ideal, but you're kind of stuck with it and you have just as much right to enjoy sex as anyone.

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Check out the Tzone team bios (including mine!) at: http://www.transgenderzone.com/bio.htm

Supporting the family, friends and partners of trans people in the UK: http://www.depend.org.uk/support.html
If you are struggling we will support you
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PS, if you are interested in prosthetics you could look at the link TFK has pinned in 'take a look'. Not for the faint hearted...

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Check out the Tzone team bios (including mine!) at: http://www.transgenderzone.com/bio.htm

Supporting the family, friends and partners of trans people in the UK: http://www.depend.org.uk/support.html
If you are struggling we will support you
If you are celebrating we will join you

As a guy who regularly has sex using a strap-on, I can only give you a couple bits of advice:

-Do what you're comfortable with.
-Talk to your partner about it. Communication really is important.
-Have a sense of humour
-Talk to your partner about it.

Seriously, it's the sort of thing a couple has to discuss for themselves. There's no easy answers.

I personally use one and find it works for my situation. Certainly feels less awkward for me.

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Pay no attention to the moderator in a gimp mask behind the curtain.

Hey I know this post is quite old but tought i'd write a reply anyways. I am the girlfriend of an FTM and I have to admit that when we first got together although I knew of his "situation" as we have been friends for 8 years previous to us getting together I was shall I say a bit apprehensive about sex, mainly because of the description my boyfriend made refering to how his man bits looked-his description had me imagining all sorts. Once we finally got down to it I was very impressed- not just by the asthetics but also that it looked just like a small penis. We have had a very good sex life in the past month we have been together and although at first he worried that me seeing him naked and by going down on him that i'd see him as less of a man-Totally not true....he is more of a man than any other guys I have dated, he is attentive in bed and he knows exactly what he is doing...Im sure that in the future we will experiment with a strap on-just so that he has both hands free;) but I honestly have to say that I don't notice his lack of penis (that sounds horrible but no other way to put it). Anyway I think that aslong as u are with someone who loves and respects u then u should be free to enjoy sex like everyone else...work with what u have and yes deffinately talk about what feels good and what doesn't. I'd hate for me and my partner to be having sex and for only me to be getting the enjoyment-I like to make sure he is fulfilled aswell as me.

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I am she, I am her, I am me and I am happy!!!!mwahhh xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo