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Herb · Last edited by Herb on Thu Aug 14, 2008 4:25 pm; edited 1 time in total

May as well start on of these here I guess.

So about 3 weeks ago now I went to see my doc to get a referral to a counsellor/psychologist. I'm not exactly sure which, or if there's a difference. But either he'll tell me Im nuts, I'm normal, or refer me to a specialist headshrink. No matter which, it is an essential first step. Unless I go private of course, which is way beyond my means at present.

I'm still living with my mum. Things are a lot easier now that I outted myself to her. No more secrets. But there's no real privacy either, so I still need to move out. I just can't figure out how I can afford all the millions of things I need.

In the meantime, I'm doing what I can to move forwards. Mostly token gestures, but it feels good. I'm trying to grow out hair and nails. That'll take at least 8 montsh to be long enough.

I'm also on that famous muscle munching diet. I've gone down from about 175 to 160 so far, and plan on dropping farther before holding it low. When I know I'm going to start hormones, I'll really drop it low, maybe as far as 135, then start on the nachos and pizza to regain weight in all the right places with the help of hormones.

Oh and I've started exercising for the sake of exercising. Since I've never cared about looking good as a male, I never did so before, but now I have a reason to try.

**PurplePrincess** · Advisor Joined: 08 Feb 2007 Posts: 2678 Location: Bristol

Herb wrote:

So about 3 weeks ago now I went to see my doc to get a referral to a counsellor/psychologist. I'm not exactly sure which, or if there's a difference.

Usually your GP will refer you to a local psychiatrist for an assessment on your mental health and then they should be able to refer you to a Gender Identity Clinic where you will have an appointment with a psychiatrist who specialises in Gender Dysphoria.

A councellor is someone who you can talk over your personal issues and problems with, there are some councellors out there that specialise in giving councelling on gender issues.

Herb also wrote:

I'm also on that famous muscle munching diet. I've gone down from about 175 to 160 so far

I don't know what diet that is though but that's great news Smile

, well done. I've gone up to about 185 again now *sigh*

Herb finally wrote:

...then start on the nachos and pizza to regain weight in all the right places with the help of hormones.

Hehe, interesting idea but it's probably better to have a balanced diet, I don't think purposefully eating fatty food in conjunction with hormones will make you look any better, I could be wrong but I wouldn't advise it.

It's wonderful that you are out to your mum and you have taken the first step towards getting help by telling your doctor. For some people these are not easy steps to take even when we know inside that we desperately want to take them. So things are moving forward Smile

.

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Herb · Posted: Fri Sep 07, 2007 3:53 pm Post subject:

Well, I was joking on the fatty foods, but the intention is to *slowly* regain that weight (or maybe stay at a constant weight if I have that much willpower) on a full-calorie balanced diet once I start hormones. I figure the hormonal changes will cause enough stress anyway. I don't want to be actively thinking about maintaining a stable body weighth, let alone dieting, once that starts.

Herb · Posted: Sat Sep 08, 2007 12:00 pm Post subject:

Sometimews you just want to curl up into a ball and hide from the world forever.

I've always had self-confidence issues. In hindsight the cause is rather obvious of course. lately, the decision to actually do somethng about the big issue has given me the confidence to carry on. But it's been almost a month since I went to my GP to get that vital referral, and still nothing.

What pushed me over the edge was issues with work. Realistically, nothing much can happen until I get a stable job. Mum is being supportive to my face, but I can tell she's in denial over it. For both of our sakes, I need to move out. And that needs a stable job.

yesterday I had an interview someplace. And they were so fucking uncaring it was unreal. I turn up slightly late (well, actually bang on time, but I'd planned on arriving early except teh tube fucked up again). So I'm asked to sit and wait. 10 minutes later anotehr person who also had an appointment arrives, and gets seen immediately. Another 15 minutes pass before they remember I'm there. They run me through the usual batch of office skills tests, which I ace as usual. Then the interview.

Ladies, gentlemen, and mishes, a few words of advice. If you are going to interview someone, don't be in a hurry to get them out the door. Give them your full attention. Don't leave the interview room to answer the phone. Make eye contact. Don't leave the interview to take another bite out of the sandwich you bought for lunch. Don't claim never to have received an email I know fucking well I sent you - have the guts to do a white lie and claim to having flushed your spamtrap without looking at least. Don't claim never to get jobs which require a specific set of skills when I can overhear your colleague interviewing another person in the next room about that exact same skillset.

And if you are going to treat your interviewees so shittily, at least have the grace to ask us not to let the door hit us on the way out.

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**PurplePrincess** · Advisor Joined: 08 Feb 2007 Posts: 2678 Location: Bristol

Herb wrote:

I've always had self-confidence issues. In hindsight the cause is rather obvious of course. lately, the decision to actually do somethng about the big issue has given me the confidence to carry on. But it's been almost a month since I went to my GP to get that vital referral, and still nothing.

When I first got referred by my GP to a psychiatrist I had to wait 5 months to be seen and I didn't get informed of my appointment date until a week before I had to go. Usually I would imagine that you'd get a lot more notice than that before your appointment but waiting 3-6 months to be seen is not unusual.

How long did your GP say you'd have to wait? Also if you don't hear anything after a while you could ask your GP to chase things up for you.

Herb wrote:

What pushed me over the edge was issues with work. Realistically, nothing much can happen until I get a stable job. Mum is being supportive to my face, but I can tell she's in denial over it. For both of our sakes, I need to move out. And that needs a stable job.

I think I can understand, my Mum was supportive at first and then had a delayed reaction and it has taken herself a while to really understand.

I'm sorry to hear about your job interview, the interviewer sounded awful. I hope you get some better luck with your job hunting soon.

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**thefishkeeper** · Advisor Joined: 09 Feb 2007 Posts: 1487 Location: Reading

Some jobs are not meant to be..just be pleased that you never got the job, if they treat a person like that in an interview? What will they treat you like when you have signed that paper...Nah your better out of it.

Wink

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**Reenie** · Reporter Joined: 08 Feb 2007 Posts: 3577 Location: Glasgow

thefishkeeper wrote:

Some jobs are not meant to be.

I'll second that. It's only going to work if the vibe is right. If you hit it off with the interviewer, you're in, otherwise forget it. Even if they offer you the job.

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Herb · Posted: Tue Sep 18, 2007 9:14 pm Post subject:

So I had another job interview, and it went really well...

And then I find that i still didn't get it.

I'm pleased to report that I didn't give up on food entirely for two days as a result. But binging on chocolate and port can't be too healthy either.

As you might guess, I don't handle the stress of jobhunting too well.

Would now be a good time to ask my GP for some anti-depressants? Or would that then be held against me in assessing my gender dysphoria when I finally get to see the psychiatrist?

Also in the news, today I noticed my hair is starting to grow out a bit. it is no longer so short it is self-spikey. Still a long way to go unfortunately, but patience is a virtue.

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**Reenie** · Reporter Joined: 08 Feb 2007 Posts: 3577 Location: Glasgow

Depression is a common by-product of gender dysphoria. I wouldn't recommend anti-depressants if you can manage without them. If you're bingeing on port, don't forget that alcohol is a depressant and will only heap up further trouble if you're not careful.

Anti-depressants can have some unpleasant withdrawal symptoms, so really they're best avoided if you can find an alternative strategy. A lot of depression is transient, so see if it goes away on its own. Try and identify the causes and deal with them. Anti-depressants are not a cure, they merely alleviate symptoms.

Better luck with the next interview.

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Herb · Posted: Tue Sep 18, 2007 9:48 pm Post subject:

The cause of the depression is easy to identify - job interviews. All I need to do is avoid applying for jobs and my depression is over Very Happy

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**thedreadpersephone** · Advisor Joined: 09 Feb 2007 Posts: 913 Location: Dundee

Good luck fellow job hunter! There's nothing more frustrating than an interview that seemed to go well but didn't get you a job.

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Herb · Posted: Fri Sep 21, 2007 12:56 pm Post subject:

New job. I start on Monday. yay me.

This is extremely lucky, as otherwise, I would have inflicted some emo poetry on you. And I am very bad at emo poetry.

I tried making another appointment with my GP today to remind him about getting in touch with a psychiatrist. Unfortunately, he was fully booked. Guess I'll just have to keep banging on his door.

ETA: I found out what happened. My GP forgot. FORGOT!

A lot of friends have remarked that I have this bizarre talent for coming across as a liar even when telling the perfect truth. I sincerely wish I could turn it off, since it very often kicks me in the teeth. I can't help wondering if this is what happened here.

**thedreadpersephone** · Advisor Joined: 09 Feb 2007 Posts: 913 Location: Dundee

Well done on the job! Can you pass some of your job-getting success to me please?

I hope it's all sorted out with the GP now.

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**PurplePrincess** · Advisor Joined: 08 Feb 2007 Posts: 2678 Location: Bristol

Well done Herb for getting a job Smile

. Are you going to tell us what sort of job it is? You don't have to of course.

Herb wrote:

A lot of friends have remarked that I have this bizarre talent for coming across as a liar even when telling the perfect truth. I sincerely wish I could turn it off, since it very often kicks me in the teeth. I can't help wondering if this is what happened here.

I'm not too sure what you are saying. Do you mean to say that your GP forgot on purpose because they thought you might be lying. I would hope that is quite unlikely.

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Forums Moderator.

Always have faith and believe in yourself.
Never run from the truth.
Have the will to change your fate and your spirit will never die.
Check out the tzone team bios here: http://www.transgenderzone.com/bio.htm

Herb · Posted: Sat Sep 22, 2007 7:37 am Post subject:

Well, the job is an "office" job. I'll find out more on Monday when training begins.

As for the GP, I think he forgot on purpose in order to test how sincere my claims are. It's pure speculation of course, but just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean there isn't someone out to get you.

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