I've been a tzone member since early February 2006, which seems a long time ago but I guess it isn't really. I've seen members come and go, and a lot have been here long before I have and are still here.

But anyway. I originally came here to learn the process to medically ''transition''- the proper way. Because as confident as I was in my identity, I had no idea how to ease any body dysphoria I may have had or how to go about fixing the inevitable- things like documentation that you only really realise are important when you start to become more independant as a young adult.

I've learned a lot, been through a lot and hopefully been able to return some of that knowledge to others- but one thing I can't do, and knew I could never do, was be ''openly trans''.

I've always been openly gay, yes, and made a clumsy little website and forum focusing around my view on Christianity and homosexuality when I was 15 years old - around the time i was struggling with church and my attraction to other lads. I'm okay with that- I've accepted it, I go to gay bars, talk about religon and homosexuality and am comfortable in where i stand there.

Transsexualism is a different thing altogether. I would never call myself a transsexual or transgendered, unless I was in a situation where I felt forced to, like at clinics or whatever. I don't call myself FTM- although my experience is with trans people that they always force that label upon me. I'm not female-to-male; having never been female to begin with. I never switched sex- or gender- regardless of a few temporary physical variations that don't affect my life in any way. But if I come on a trans site, as william, suddenly i'm inondated with uncomfortable questions like ''are you FTM then?''. And I have a strong dislike for that question.

Where does that leave me then?

Simply put, the acronym that should be attached to me only has one letter, and that is 'M'.

That's how I identity, and that's what I am. Although it seems ridiculous to even have to type that.

Now, for me, although I realise it's not meant to be taken this way, so I apologise, but I see trans forums more and more as a place to be constantly put down. It's like ''..you're okay for a trans guy'', or even worse ''.. a transguy'' in this same way that sexist people tell women's football teams ''you're okay..for girls'', as though they can't even expect to compared with the boys. Apply that same analogy to when people compare trans and cis people and you get the idea.

And there is the problem. Everywhere I'm just me, taken as me, treated as me. Great, that's how it should be. On trans sites, I always get the feeling I can't be. I have to be trans. In this part of cyberspace 'M' and 'F' doesn't even seem to exist, you're expected to be going some way. Which I'm not.

I'm just Will, a pretty normal 18 year old gay lad, only one of the lucky ones who has a pretty amazing boyfriend too

And that's exactly it- there is no more to it. But I think the longer I'm in trans spaces the more damaged my identity will become, and the more difficult it will be to disassociate myself with the 'Ft's that are apparently supposed to go along with the 'M's here.

I don't want to gain an inferiority complex among my male friends, and I don't want to feel like I belong in two sections of the LGBT when I'm happily settled in the 'G'.

This may come across as a negative post to those who are ''out and proud'' or just ''out'', or to those who believe everyone should be a trans activist.

But I just need an indefinite break from trans spaces and trans things for a while I suppose. I'm still here obviously, and if anyone wants to keep in regular contact feel very free to PM me with a simple ''MSN?'' in the subject line and I'll add you. And that means anyone cos I know people are usually shy and think ''oh no, I'm not his best friend, he might not mean me''. yes I do mean you. I think a lot of a lot of people on this forum.

As I say, I just need a break.

Take care,

Will

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forum moderator

Good Luck, Will!

Take care Will, and I'm sure I'm not alone in saying that your knowledgeable posts will be greatly missed.

Dave

Will, I agree with your views on this 100%. Just because you were born a certain way doesn't mean you have to campaign for the rights of others in a similar situation or be open about it. It's your business and your life. Keep enjoying it .

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Hellfrozeover be a pirate and a Transgenderzone moderator.

I don't stand under the TG umbrella anymore, it's way too bitchy and crowded in there but it's sunny out here

I understand what you are saying Will. Of course your input will be missed on the forums but you are making the right decision for yourself which of course is the most important thing.

Take good care of yourself, enjoy life and I wish you a very prosperous future .

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Chrissy
Forums Moderator.

Always have faith and believe in yourself.
Never run from the truth.
Have the will to change your fate and your spirit will never die.
Check out the tzone team bios here: http://www.transgenderzone.com/bio.htm

I understand where you're comin from Will.
I wish you well on your break from us, and I just wanted to say CHEERS MATE for all the advice and support you've offered me over the course of time that ive been here. I agree with the others that your imput will deffo be missed around here.

Just incase you break lasts longer than a couple of months, have a great xmas and new year.

Take care mate

Best of luck with whatever you choose to do in life Will.
To repeat what the others have said, you will be missed here, you have provided invaluable help for countless people.
Best wishes,
Jenny

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Out out!! You demons of stupidity!! - Saint Dogbert

Hey Will, very well said and I can completely understand the reasoning and rational for your decision.

I done the exact same thing several years ago and it's only recently that i've dipped my toes back into the trans community, both via this list and attending a couple of conferences over the summer. And to be honest my reasons for doing so were mainly centred on my forthcoming court case against the GRP!

But I must admit that I've enjoyed dipping into some of the debates and hopefully passing on some of my experiences.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is this.........the trans community is in general "transient" (No pun intended ) in nature and it's not uncommon for people to be really active in the trans/online community during transition and then move on as and when they feel the need.

So good luck with everything and I'm sure evryone will wish you the best!

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Cheeky Cat!

You've done us proud, Will.

All the best to you.

We shall all of us have to work a little harder now...

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The Daily Turnout - King of the Throne Room

Good luck, Will!

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I have to EDIT because I can't SPELL!!

Thanks to everyone for their kind words- stella, dave, HFO, Chrissy, Mike, Jenny, Cheekycat, Reenie, Juz and everyone else on this forum. it means a lot, honestly

oh as cheekycat says, i'll probably be back at some point. don't get me wrong, this is unlikely to be a permanent departure. i just felt like i needed a break and felt it would be rude of me just to clear off without telling anyone!

see you soon

Will

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forum moderator