Firstly I apologise for being absent from the forums for a long while, life has been very busy and a tad painful recently, but thats a story for another time.

I wanted to ask about how to approach my manager and coming out to him.
I work in a computer games retailer, a very male-dominated slightly bigotted industry, and im about to go full-time. Im waiting transfer to another store, as im wishing to start fresh in a new place.
Before I do this I have to inform my manager about being trans. Its already daunting that im moving, going full-time, effectivley losing my family and being far from my friends all in one.
The thought of telling my manager fills me with dread.

If anyone can give me any advice, or their experiences of coming out at work, id love to hear it.
Thank you x

_________________
Any minute now, my ship is coming in
I'll keep checking the horizon
I'll stand on the bow, feel the waves come crashing
Come crashing down down down, on me

And you say, be still my love
Open up your heart
Let the light shine in
But don't you understand
I already have a plan
I'm waiting for my real life to begin

"Nothing Worth Having In This Life Ever Comes Easy" - Dr. Bob Kelso - Scrubs

I didn't get as far as having to tell the boss anything, he was giving me grief about having a day off in the middle of the week, the following week he gave me a load of really s*** jobs so I told him what to do with his job .....
I now have to figure how to tell my new employer Sorry i can't be of more help, maybe you should write it down do keep a copy though.

Welcome home, Marmazet

You don't say much about your manager other than that you have one. I'm not sure if we're supposed to assume that he is male and bigotted...

If you are about to change branches then he's not going to be your manager for long. Why do you dread telling him? Is he a monster?

Remember that it's your transition, so you're the boss here.

How about putting it in writing? How about approaching the person who has overall responsibility for staff in both branches? Is there an HR department?

Tell us a little more and perhaps we can help you overcome this difficulty.

_________________
The Daily Turnout - King of the Throne Room

http://www.pfc.org.uk/node/238

Hi Marmazet,

I think Reenie's suggestion is best and you should contact the HR department. I assume your employer has several branches and therefore they are likely to have an HR (Human Resources) department.

It is the responsibility of the HR dept to deal with situations like this, and not necassarily your store manager......in a national chain of stores individual store managers are actually small fry so don't take any crap from him about your transition!

Anyway, if you follow the above link it takes you to the Press for Change site and they have a number of leaflets about trans people in the workplace. This details the way that your employer should treat you as they are legally obliged not to discriminate against you and these leaflets highlight the legal obligation they have to you and gives really good advice about how your transition in the workplace should be handled.

I would suggest that you contact the HR dept by telephone (not your manager if you are apprehensive of approaching him) and then send them a letter and a copy of this leaflet.

Good luck,

ps Just noticed the above link is to an older version of the leaflet (1998) which is pre Gender Recognition Act

here is the link to the newer leaflet but it doesn't seem to be working!

e-mail Press for Change and they will e-mail you the latest copy

http://www.pfc.org.uk/node/234#inclusion

_________________
Cheeky Cat!

Hiya!

I've got a bunch of resources culled off the web, but they're all at work - I'll have a look tomorrow and see what I can find for you

Cheers

Dave

Personally I have had a great experience coming out at my work, which is a warehouse full of guys. I wrote about it often in my blog but that's got quite long now, lol. I think we tend to think of the worst that can happen but I think you might be surprised that it probably won't be as bad or daunting as you think. I have transitioning guide for employers that I think Stella gave me the link for, I've quickly searched the forums and I can't find the post with the link in but I can email the guide to you if you like. Luckily for me my HR manager was quite clued up on people transitioning at work and I didn't really need it but I'm sure it's pretty useful.

The way I did it where I work was to contact the HR manager and arrange a meeting in which I discussed how I wanted the transition to be done. Luckily for me my HR manager had experience in a previous job of a MtF colleague transitioning so she was able to draw on that.

Important things to discuss might be:

When and how to inform colleagues

When to change your name, details and social identity

Amending personnel records

Using single sex facilities

Ensuring hostile or negative reactions among the workforce are addressed effectively

As Reenie says, you are in charge of your own transition so when you attend a meeting to discuss it make sure you are getting what you want and are comfortable with what is being suggested and discussed.

I hope when the time comes it goes really well for you.

_________________
Chrissy
Forums Moderator.

Always have faith and believe in yourself.
Never run from the truth.
Have the will to change your fate and your spirit will never die.
Check out the tzone team bios here: http://www.transgenderzone.com/bio.htm

i would get in contact with the gender trust.they will give you advice about transitioning at work and they will speak to your work colleagues and manager if necessary.they also produce information guides for employers and employees.

When I started my most recent job I simply told my colleagues what I was doing and told them if they wanted to know anything they should ask me, the result seems to have been really positive even from people I thought could have been a problem.
Dont forget gamers are used to polymorph spells and games where people change, and after all us gamers are all nerds, sociaL outcasts and used to outsiders. Many gamers play characters of the opposite sex, Lara Croft etc. All the majority of gamers want to know is do you know your games.
Still go the route the others have suggested, but you are being employed for what you know not what you are

_________________
It's not what you're born with
It's what you choose to bear
It's not how big your share is
It's how much you can share
It's not the fights you dreamed of
It's those you really fought
It's not what you're given
It's what you do with what you've got

As promised, here's a list of resources that I compiled:

Trans Information for Employers and Employees

Civil Service
Transgender information pages

Department for Constitutional Affairs
Transsexual people’s rights

Equal Opportunities Commission
Transsexualism

Equal Opportunities Commission
Transgender at Work: Your Rights as an Employee

Equal Opportunities Commission
Guidance for Managers and Supervisors

Gender Trust
How to transition at work… and survive

Women and Equality Unit
A Guide to the Sex Discrimination (Gender Reassignment) Regulations 1999

Hope they help!

Dave

Thank you very much for the advice.

My manager is not a monster, I do get on with him quite well, but he is a very laddish guy, and can be a bit biggotted at times, though im sure he's not being serious.

The reason I considered telling him first was that he has a lot of influence in the company. I have the fear that once I come out the company will find a way not to give me a transfer.

Im also currently seeking employment in Brighton, where I want to move, as a possible alternative as well.

My company is a major retailer, and has an extensive HR department, so maybe that would be the best way to go. There are people of all diversities working in the company, but I think im the only trans employee.

I think I just needed a bit of reassurance more than anything.

Oh and Reenie, its good to be home. I'll try not to be a stranger in future, now my life is a bit more in order.

Sophie x

_________________
Any minute now, my ship is coming in
I'll keep checking the horizon
I'll stand on the bow, feel the waves come crashing
Come crashing down down down, on me

And you say, be still my love
Open up your heart
Let the light shine in
But don't you understand
I already have a plan
I'm waiting for my real life to begin

"Nothing Worth Having In This Life Ever Comes Easy" - Dr. Bob Kelso - Scrubs

Looks like your queries have been covered in some depth there, just wanted to say welcome back

_________________
Check out the Tzone team bios (including mine!) at: http://www.transgenderzone.com/bio.htm

Supporting the family, friends and partners of trans people in the UK: http://www.depend.org.uk/support.html
If you are struggling we will support you
If you are celebrating we will join you

Hi Sophie

Welcome back