well as far as i am aware once you are in your are in

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Man [...] must count no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth." (Jean Paul Sartre, 1943)

It's like mafia: once in, never out.

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I have to EDIT because I can't SPELL!!

Well i had my second appoint on tuesay came around much quicker than i expected. For some reason i thought it was the 25th and not the 15th, glad i checked really would have hated to miss it.

The journey was really quick took about 40 mins which included walking up from the station, i decided that id go to hammersmith station this time. it was so much easier shame it poured down with rain. i had about 30 minutes to wait before more appointment so i went to the coffee shop across the road gave me a chance to relax a little. This time i went dressed as me it's my first time out dressed, i've been to Uni a few times but most of the time im hidden in a lecture room. I was a little self consicous to start with but i relaxed abit when i realised everyone was to busy with them selves to proberly even notice me.

My appointment was ok mainly went over what i said at the first appointment. I had my blood tests back they where all normal except i seem to have really high cholestral was something like 6.9 or 7.9 was a little of a shock since i thought i ate pretty healthly. Never thought that at 23 I'd be worrying about something like that. Anyway my next appointment is 21st May. I'm really hoping that by then I might be FT, im trying to work on the little things like my voice, i think personally this is my biggest problem. I want to change my name but i really can't decide what name to pick i normally use 'Jess' short for either Jessica or Jessie i like the names and i think it would be easy for friends and family since its the same first letter as my male name and people call me 'J' alot, but i also like Amy, kate and Katie. i was thinking about having Amy as my middle name, i had a list of names that i liked but can't find it at the mo. I was thinking about letter my parents help me pick but i havent told them i want to transistion yet. They know im TS, and ive been trying to find the time to tell them over the last two months but it seems that everytime ive thought about it some one else is about with some bad new to break to them. I sometimes think it would be easyier if i didnt live at home but i doubt it.

I spoke to Dr Davies about speech therapy he said it something i could look into but the prefer to see people when they are already living fulltime so that they can put the lessons in to practice straight away. I think i might just look at some things on the net and try to practice my self and look into speech therapy if im still not happy, if anyone has any advice then I'd be greatful.
Going to go out 2nite, relax and see AVP2 been looking forward to this film since before xmas hopfully it wont be as big a let down as the first one was

Jess

Finally decided im going to quit Uni im bored with my course and my uni, and im really not putting the effort in that i should or could be putting in. i think i've finally reached the point where i dont wont study anymore. Havent told my Uni i want to leave it's such a big hassle i need to make an appointment get a form, explain myself listen to them try to talk me out of it, fill in the form get it signed by another person... hassle :/ it's proberly better i do that than just leave it and dont turn up to exams looks better on me i guess. *adds to the todo list*
Now i just need to convince work to give me more hours, sitting at home 5 days a week is going to make me go insane as much as i hate my job it brings in money and gets me outta the house.

Im toying with the idea about playing warcraft again whilst i'm waiting for more hours at least. at the rate it takes managment to decided anything i would have moved to Stoke before they agree to anything.
extra hours will give me some more money to put aside so i can start ipl i managed to make £70 from selling some old games i dont play. just waiting on it to clear then i can put that into my saving.
Im so bad with money i spent all my saving on a holiday so i really need to build it up again :S

Hi Jess, are you Alliance or Horde, have you tried Burning Crusadeyet? I went through similar times except I'd been living full time for 18 months before I made it to CharingX, I did have a problem getting into work but I was unemployed before I started RLT.

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It's not what you're born with
It's what you choose to bear
It's not how big your share is
It's how much you can share
It's not the fights you dreamed of
It's those you really fought
It's not what you're given
It's what you do with what you've got

Heya i started on alliance in beta then moved to horde have a 62 BE priest on Silvermoon apart from the new race ive only really just started with the Burning Crusade content, have a compulsion to make Alt chars lol.
Im 23 now and have always been in fulltime eduction, Im just so sick of studying and with other things on my mind i really can't be doing with it.

I know so many friends who have had other problems at work that just get ignored that i dont want to go FT whilst im still working here, im hoping to get a transfer to another store when i move and start then, maybe it will be different. I'm working towards hopefully go FT by May im just not self confident enough to start

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Chrissy
Forums Moderator.

Always have faith and believe in yourself.
Never run from the truth.
Have the will to change your fate and your spirit will never die.
Check out the tzone team bios here: http://www.transgenderzone.com/bio.htm

I've been out a few times recently it was only to uni when i was still going and i went up to chx aswell, it definatly makes me feel better and more like myself. It really made me think that people are so wrapped up in there own worlds that they either didnt notice or dont care. I'd go out more often but i dont like going out on my own and as of yet i still havent told any of my friends, i just dont want it to be akward since i work with them all.
Ive noticed at work that i get called Miss alot more than usual or people try to attract my attention in some way that isn't gender specific, it can be quiet amusing sometimes. Some of them correct themselves some of them dont. I think alot has to do with my voice sometimes i can get it sounding ok but it has this tendency to go deep and its really frustrating.

I found out on saturday how trustworth some of the people i know at work are. Ive mention to a few of my friends a while ago that im moving and told them not to tell anyone. I spoke to my store manager about getting some fulltime work or a few extra days and he told me he thought i was outta here soon. Now Im pretty careful not to mention things about me moving when there are managers about so either someone told him or they have been talking about me whlist im not there and near managers. It's annoyed me mostly because i think this is the reason im not getting any extra days. I mean it could be 6 months before i move and i really need the extra days not just for the money but just to get outta of the house. It's mainly for company im at home alone 5 days a week it wouldnt be so bad but all my friends work during the week aswell :S
Got another blow on monday i finally thought i had some money saved up and i get the bill from uni for Sept-Jan i know it's my own fault for leaving it so long before telling them but still why didnt they notify me when the payments where due especially since i was under the impression that my fee's where all paid for. Grr it so frustrating i get paid on friday and im going to have no money for another 4 weeks at least.

Jess

People will do that. My friend got pregnant, told her close friends and by the next week, everyone knew! Only trust the people who are really close I guess..even then, it depends on what the subject is.

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Hellfrozeover be a pirate and a Transgenderzone moderator.

I don't stand under the TG umbrella anymore, it's way too bitchy and crowded in there but it's sunny out here

Trust everyone and no-one.

I suppose i should have expected it. one of my friends fancies the other so he seems to tell her everything, im always hearing things from her that i know i havent told her lol. It's a big shame because he has been one of my best and longest friends ive proberly know him for about 18-19years. Does put me in a postion when i need someone to talk to though, if i talk to them will they tell someone else.
I really hate having no money i want to go and buy some new clothes, trying to resist the urge :S

Grr still no luck in getting anymore hours at work which is a huge blow since i got a bill for my uni fee's, i was really hoping to have start IPL a few weeks ago that kinda got postponed so ill just have to continue shaving every other day
I'ts a little frustrating about work i've be reading up on Trans friendly companys and they are one of the few that include trans people in there equal opportunities policy so i really want to stay with them for when i do start living fulltime. But if they can't give me more hours it's just not going to be possible, unless we move and i transfer soon.
Been giving more thought to changing my name Thinking of Jessica Amy or Jessica Charlie, the Charlie kinda came from my middle name Charles it was my great grandad's name but i still cant decide 100%. I really want to change my surname aswell i dont like my dads name so i thought about using my mums name but my mum's surname isnt her orginal surname it's her stepdads and she only recently changed to it. this got my thinking about when i eventualy get a new birth cert its going to have 2 different surnames on it my parents surname then my new one. Is this going to cause me some akwardness in the future should i need it as ID. i could always use my current surname or my mums maiden name then change it later once i have a Birth cert but both names are dodgy and id sooner have neither lol.
All this time off work has me doing alot of thinking and im starting to feel i need and want to start living fulltime soon. so im psyching my self up to have "The Talk" with my parents about living fulltime.
Mums just had a hip Op so she is stuck at home, and my brother just lost his job recently so timing proberly isnt that great i want to let them all know by the end of next month maybe if i set a date for it ill keep to it.

Jess

Not been a Great week had to spend £88 on a new car battery, Japense cars great for reliabilty not for parts >.< silly odd sized battery...
Then some good news we finally sold our house so we are on the look out for a new place up in Staffordshire, Really looking forward to it. Ive lived in this area all 23 years of my life and it's really gone down hill i really hate it around here, Gangs of kids on all the corners and such.
Then some more bad news, had my car parked outside my house tucked into the curb as far as possible. Some nice bloke thought he's speed down our road and bounch off the rear of my car. So i have a nice football sized dent in my car, as well as a busted bumper. Luckily a neighbour was in her car at the time and managed to get his Reg. So spent 4 hours in the police station to fill in a form to report him driving off from the accident. At least the insurance company only took 20 mins on the phone and with his reg they tracked his insurance details. But i might have to pay my excess whilst they wait on him to admit liabilty. So that another £225 that i could do with out spending, makes me wish i hadnt spent £70 on clothes at the begining of the month >.<
Still havent spoke to my parents or my brother they never seem to be apart long enough to speak to them i dont want to talk about transitioning with my parents whilst my brother is about since he does't even know about it. Have been trying to talk to him but i cant seem to find a way to begin that he would be able to get his head around. I mean he isnt young he just turned 21 but he is a little nieve. I dont know why im having such a problem with all of this I mean ive already told my parents and we spent ages talking about it so i know they are ok with it.

Jess

finally got a job sorted out they put me on a 6 week probation Which has turned in to 10 weeks. I think it was just there way of getting me to work 2 departments whilst they recruited my replacement sneaky really.
The good bit is whilst im on probation the 23 extra hours a week im working are overtime which come september they have to give me the hoilday for so im going to get Extra hols ^_^
Got my CHX Appointment next week im a little nervous and a bit dissapointed because i feel i haven't done as much as i owuld have liked since my last appointment.
I have booked an appointment for some IPL. now i have more money coming i can afford finally. I think I,ve also decided on my new name, Jessica Charlie <surname> Jess for short. Charlie because my current middle name is charles and it was my Great Grandads name. I had a list of names i liked but Jessica or Jessie where at the top.
I'm really looking forward to it the house looks really nice and ill get my own room back although im not planning on staying with my parents much longer but it'll be nice.

Jess

_________________
Chrissy
Forums Moderator.

Always have faith and believe in yourself.
Never run from the truth.
Have the will to change your fate and your spirit will never die.
Check out the tzone team bios here: http://www.transgenderzone.com/bio.htm