hey

im have troubble on telling my perents that I want to live as a girl can anyone help me out pls?


much love xx

Hi and welcome to tzone.

I know telling parents can be a hard thing to do, there's no telling how they will react. I know a lot of people on tzone have told close family by writing them a letter. There is no perfect way to break the news to your parents but writing a letter has worked quite well for a few people here.

You havn't said how old you are or if you live with your parents so it's difficult to advise on exactly what sort of things to write. Some advantages of writing a letter are that you can explain your feelings clearly without feeling nervous and forgetting things or being stuck for words. Your parents will be able to read the letter and take things in rather than be asking questions whilst you are trying to explain things. You can include information inside the letter about being trans to help them understand and then you could then meet up with them afterwards and answer their questions.

I'm sure plenty of people here will be willing to share about what they have written when coming out to family.

_________________
Chrissy
Forums Moderator.

Always have faith and believe in yourself.
Never run from the truth.
Have the will to change your fate and your spirit will never die.
Check out the tzone team bios here: http://www.transgenderzone.com/bio.htm

Hi enter77, welcome to tzone.

There's no easy way to tell parents and only you will have an idea of how they will react since you know them and we don't.

Having said that, the book True Selves has proved useful for many of us. It's aimed at parents and family of trans folk and explains to them some of what we are going through. I gave a copy of it to my Mum and it's helped us through a difficult patch.

Be careful: many of us have lost our parents because they have walked away. I hope yours don't. Feel free to tell us more about yourself...

sorry I was abit rushed when i made the topic I am 17 im still liveing with them and I feel scared when I go to tell them but all i end up saying is i love you to them cos I dont want to hurt them, my dad is realy sytressy most of the time and we have big arguments over little things and i dont wanna coause loads of rowing between us, my mum she is quite coool I get along with her most out the 2 as I see more of her and I have to work with her as well as stay under the same roof.

Welcome to Tzone. ^_^

When i told my mum, the hardest part wasn't the confidence, it was for me saying it in a way that didn't make me sound like i was going mad. I sat down one to one and told her in as honest a way as possible.

That i know wont work for some, letters are good but i would think telling your mum first, and then going from there is easier. (Mothers seem to have a easier time understanding).

_________________
Sometimes being scared helps. But geting help isn't a bad thing ether.

Heya,
I was the same everytime i tried to tell them i couldnt. In the end i wrote them a letter put it in an Envlope and left it on the side where they could see it and went off to work. They read it and came into see me gave an me a hug, was a huge weight of my shoulders especially knowing i had there support.
I just explained how i felt and how long i'd felt like this and just tried to reassure them that it was nothing to do with anything they did or didnt do.
I think i offered to give them some links or leaflets but they seemed pretty clued up anyways.
Jess

Hiya, first of all welcome to the forums .

As you've probably found out already, telling your parents is bloody hard lol. Everyone is different so it makes it in no way possible to predict their reaction.

The suggestions from everyone on here are valid but there's no guarantee that any of them will work since everyone's parents are individual. Suss your parents out and try to find out how they feel about these issues, maybe start dropping hints like growing out your hair if it isn't long already(if you want long hair) and killing body hair and plucking eyebrows(again if that's what you want to do, some girls don't). There's other ways to drop hints as well.

My parents found out when I was your age about two years ago. I chickened out and got my sister to tell them. They were accepting and after a bit of answering questions(I still am lol), they feel happier knowing a bit of what's involved. Funnily enough, I ws plucking my eyebrows, had long hair, wore a bit of makeup and they still just thought they had a straight son. Some parents are a bit more clued up though, from what you say your mum might be.

Good luck with it, don't get angry if they do and try to be calm about it. There's a few members around your age on here or a couple of years older if you ever need advice on stuff they might be familiar with as well as older members who've been through it and know the ropes. Don't be afraid to contact anyone on here, we're mostly decent .

_________________
Hellfrozeover be a pirate and a Transgenderzone moderator.

I don't stand under the TG umbrella anymore, it's way too bitchy and crowded in there but it's sunny out here

heh thanks for the advice you have all been so nice to me =D I am thinking about telling just my mum or etleast write her a note expaining how i feel but i dont think my dad would realy understand it that much but if i asked her im sure she would tell my dad in a better way then i would cos lately i cant say 2 words to him without him getting stressed (it feels like that anyway) so yehh I think i just need to the right timeing if ya get me.

ill keep ya up to date with whats happening thanks agen for all ya help ^^

it's worth looking at the gender trust website.they have some good information sheets you can print off from your computer.there is also a help line.others good websites are GIRES and mermaids which is also have some good information sheets worth printing off.
i think you might be suprised by your father.i have found that my father copes with my transsexualism better than my mother and sisters.people don't always react the way you think they will.
i think it's great that you are comfronting this situation now.it is better to sort these things out when you are young rather than just trying to struggle through life making the best of a bad situation.
rachel taylor.

telling your parents is terribly difficult, as everybody else says. it's something i struggled with for a long time. how you tell them depends on how you feel best comfortable breaking the news. they all have pros and cons; letters mean you can edit exactly what you want to say, but then you have the anxiety of waiting to hear back from them. face to face is more direct and personal, but incredibly nervewracking. the only things i can think of to suggest are........

if you set yourself a date to tell them or write them a letter and, for whatever reason, you back out from nerves then please don't beat yourself up over it. just collect yourself and figure out how to get comfortable with it and try again later on.

once you've told them then possibly expect a rollercoaster. oftentimes it's impossible to know how people, especially your family, are going to react. they may respond fine to begin with and then have difficulty later on. then again, they might go into shock over the news, but later come to terms with it and be super. if they do have difficulty at any point then just give them time, because it's all you can do (and it's very difficult, but once you let off a bomb like that it does take time for the dust to settle). the best thing you can do is show them you're stable and happy with what you're telling them.

all the best xx

just to let you all know I have told my mum last night I wrote her a letter I went in to her room and gave it to her and she just gave me a hug and told me she loved me I nearly bust out crying it went so well alot better then i thought it would heh


thank you soooo much for all the advice and support you have gave me I realy needed it =D

ily all <3

Good on you .

It might be a bit awkward at first and sometimes you might wish you could take it back even if it is going well but it should improve from here on.

_________________
Hellfrozeover be a pirate and a Transgenderzone moderator.

I don't stand under the TG umbrella anymore, it's way too bitchy and crowded in there but it's sunny out here

_________________
Where Is My Mind?

Well done for telling Mum. I hope it goes well from here on. Do watch out for a delayed reaction...

I told my Mum that I was taking hormones some months before I came to the world. She knew that I was seeing the psychiatrist. I'd tried to come out about ten years before so she knew the score. That didn't stop her from ignoring me for three months after I came out.

I'm happy to say that were getting on famously these days, but even so, she gets the wobbles sometimes and wonders aloud: "I don't believe this is happening..."