i thought id put this here tho i identify as male. im not really androgynous or anything like that. its just wierd so bare with me.

as long as i can remember ive felt like im not a girl. didnt know what i am just that im not female. at one point i openly and regularly referred to myself as "the boy-girl" but my parents put a stop to that. as a kid my parents had trouble making me sit down to go to the bathroom. i used to play with guys and refuse to "do girl things" and later i repeatedly got in trouble at school for refusing to wear skirts as that was the mandatory uniform requirement at that school.

at secondary school i got bullied a lot and i ended up trying to be a girl. as my body changed during puberty i became more and more depressed and i worked out a lot to try and keep my masculine figure and muscular arms. i skipped most of my lessons and found myself feeling suicidal at times.

long story short i entered 6th form, found out about transexualism and i felt instantly that this is who i am. ive always hated all the female characteristics of my body and i just want people to see that im a man. i felt much happier after i started binding and crotch stuffing and i think a lot of my mates now see me as a guy.

heres where it gets wierd.

i recently started cross-dressing the other way when im on my own. i only gain pleasure when i look like a man ie i put fake facial hair on, bind my chest etc and i get aroused wearing womens underwear, mainly lacey pink or black things, while crotch stuffing. thing is, i dont see myself as a woman at all ever. i see myself more as a female bodied male transvestite if that makes any sense but i dont even know if thats actually possible. i hate wearing clothes that show my figure and sometimes i prefer just to fantasize about being a hairy bloke in a miniskirt. it feels wrong to enjoy this. i openly walk around the hiouse with fake facial hair on but im scared shitless of anyone finding my stash of make-up amd womens underwear.

ive just started trying to transition thru the nhs but i wonder what not to tell them or if there is something else seriously wrong with me. i want to startt living full time as male asap as i think this might help clear up some of this confusion but i dont think the desire to 'cross-dress' is just going to disappear.

you wouldn't be the only crossdressing transguy out there or even on these forums. wanting to crossdress does not make you any less of a man.

i'm not sure whether you should mention it or not when approaching the nhs, i guess it depends upon your gender specialist. some have a more rigid interpretation of what a man or woman should be than others and from what i hear they can be quite dictarorial in terms of how they expect you to present

_________________
Moderator

Sounds perfectly reasonable to be a cross-dressing transguy, I can see no reason why you shouldn't be. Transguys are no different from cis-gendered guys in that we cover a broad spectrum in all respects - sexuality, political views, likes and dislikes - you name it. So, since there's cis-gendered guys out there who cross-dress, why shouldn't there be transguys who do too?

However, I would also advise caution when it comes to mentioning it to the NHS specialists. If it were me, I'm pretty sure I'd keep quiet about it to be honest, rather than risk a hostile reception. I have a transwoman friend who IDs as a butch lesbian, and was told by her gender specialists that she shouldn't even exist - and was basically forced to grow her hair and wear "girly" clothes in order to be able to transition on the NHS. I can imagine a similar reaction to a transguy who mentioned that he enjoyed cross-dressing in private.

Cheers

Dave

I agree with the others regarding telling the NHS, but keep doing what you are doing - IMO transitioning only to fit into another set of socially constructedrules is almost as bad as not transitioning, so carry on being yourself! Funnily enough I used to get aroused by wearing male clothes, and like you (in reverse) I didn't see myself as a man when I did it, although since my sex drive has dropped and I have transitioned, that seems to have gone, but it may be reassuring to know that there are other people like you out there.

_________________
It's never too late to be who you might have been. - Mary Ann Evans

Hey! I wouldn't worry too much about it. I agree with what others have said on this thread already.

Transpeople are just as likely to be homosexual or crossdressers or accountants (etc.) as cis-gendered people. We are no different. If you feel like a cross-dressing transguy then go for it! Seriously if that is what you like. You might grow out of it, you might not. Who cares!

I am a transgirl and sometimes I think about when after transition I play being a girl pretending to be a guy, sort of an ultra-tom-boy whatever. Anyway the point is we are who we are. For me gender is more fluid that society makes it out.

However as the others said. Try not to mention this to the NHS or any doctors. They have very clear cut ideas about what is male and what is female. If you tell them about being a crossdressing transguy you are likely to confuse them and they will make it very hard for you to transition. And remember you need to keep them sweet. They have the final say for hormones and surgery etc.

*nods in agreement*

Yeah. It may take time to get used to, but just go ahead and be yourself!

There is no need to fit into a specific group "label" or whatever.

I am a transman, even though I'm not quite at the point where even extreme cross-dressing is ok. I'm working on it.

I don't want to go all the way b/c I like some girlish things. I suppose I'm lucky that I (as far I know- I'm going to doctors to get checked for intersex...) apparently have PCOS. So I have a high level of androgens in my system naturally.

All I really have to do is wear binders and such and lower my voice. So I don't think I'll ever have to take hormones.

If it turns out that someday I need to have something removed, I'll take testosterone. But I'm healthy right now, for the first time in my life, so I don't think I'll do the "switching."

Hmm.

_________________
I am Claude. Always was. Always will be.

_________________
It's never too late to be who you might have been. - Mary Ann Evans