I had the painful experience at about three months. They were more sensitive than "down there" for a while. It gradually wore off and after the six month point they were fine.

I do remember seat belts being a particular nuisance. They were undoubtedly designed by men.

Did you have a difficult time not thinking about them? For me, the region is starting to have constant sensation, sometimes it even feels warm like the sun is shining on just those places. It's a little distracting.

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Where Is My Mind?

It's been a couple of years, but I recollect that I had to maintain constant vigilance so as not to incur any painful contact. It wasn't a matter of not thinking about them; I had no choice in the matter.

I bought a big soft teddy bear about the time they became very sensitive and he's been in between them every night ever since. He took the edge off of the sensitivity then and I still have him now. There's something very comforting about having such a teddy.

Well, the inevitable has arrived in the land of my breasts - they are starting to grow. Just a little but wow, are they sensitive! The Problem is that I haven't come out at work yet, so I'm still trying to pass as a flamboiant man at the moment and my shirt rubbing my nipples is absolutely driving me crazy. I don't want to wear a bra as I may as well just come right out at that point, but the only other suggestion I've been given is to put band-aids over them. Band-aids! Really? That seems like it would be extraordinarily uncomfortable, if only when I went to remove them at the end of my shift.

Anyway, as far as size is concerned they are still easily disguisable under a regular shirt. I notice them pocking out more but I'm sure it hasn't occured to anyone else to even think about it.

My nipples are very hard and all kinds of sensitive, but the breast tissue hasn't expanded much outside of that immediate area. When I take a shower in the hot water or when I get up in the morning from under my warm covers they are at their most engorged state.

It is apperant that there is work going on beneath the surface as it has become firm like roots digging into the earth, and there is a constant burn like the day after you gave your chest a great workout - except it doesn't hurt and it's localized around the nipples.

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Where Is My Mind?

Thanks Reenie for your advice recently. I feel like I've been a big baby about the little bit of discomfort I've felt during this stage of my transition but, as I was going to say anyway, the intesity of the new sensation has diminished a little since a day ago (or I'm just getting accustomed to it).

Anyway, the feeling in my nipples has definitely been blunted. It's still there but it isn't as sharp or as vibrant when something rubs against my shirt, my shirt rubs against my chest, etc.

There is now feeling in the immediate surrounding area on my chest though which now has a minor change in the shape. It definitely doesn't contour with what used to be just my pectoral muscles but instead has a very shallow conicle shape. This doesn't fit my body quite right at the moment as it just looks like really thick nipples.

Honestly, I have been a little compulsive about checking on their progress as I'm sure even some gg's have done in their youth, and look forward to the day that I will see more growth radiating out.

Another new feeling is the awkwardness of having no support when I run. This is not something I would have expected so soon as the growth has been so miniscule, but when I run I can still feel what there is not moving with my body in a way that I have never been accustomed. I'm used to sports and excersise and how my body reacts and moves with different activities, so it is interesting to not feel quite in tune with it during this period of my transition. It makes me laugh that I intend to get a sports bra for the large coin sized area of growth I have so far.

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Where Is My Mind?

It does seem a little soon to be needing a sports bra. I hope you can find one in your size otherwise you'll have to hang on to them like I do.

er.....how many mg of hormones are you taking? just wondering I usaualy take about 2-8mg of osetregean but yeah the breast growth dose tend to get very sensitive and sometimes itchy as it happens to me but sooner or later you'll have to wear a bra full time, it's called going through female puberty lol

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Misery is my company, why do I stand out from the rest of the people around me.

. . . heh, that's me rolling my eyes at you bp. Who'lda guessed I'd be hitting puberty a second time in my life.

Anyway, so my Mom just let me use her car while it is up for sale as she doesn't want some random stranger hanging onto it and she and my step-dad are away a lot. It's great cause she calls all the time and I love speaking with her, plus, it has created a sort of tie between us so we really must stay in touch with her. Trouble is, I haven't told her yet so with the impending breast development I worry that sooner or later here I'll be compelled to meet her face to face. No amount of denial can save me from her noticing that I have a pair of breasts where there once was none. I think I should be able to hide it from work but . . . well, family would be tough.

I know, I know, it's time I told that last half of my family about being a woman. Getting that out of the way would ultimately make my life easier and make me feel less ashamed, plus, help me feel less mental opposition to pushing forward with my transition issues (voice *ugh*, eyebrows, legal name change, etc). This really hurts though, as I expect to loose her. The car that should be a blessing (a 2003 Ford Mach1 with a Mustang body - goes from 0-60 in like three seconds, maybe less) is very possibly going to turn into a very painful band-aid. I expect that once she (and what's worse - my Step-Dad) finds out I expect they will want to take it away from me. Not being able to use the car would be a pity, but really what would hurt would be the physical seperation symbolizing my loss of a woman who has been so wonderful and important to my life (especially over the last six months).

Anyway, it's just two areas in my life which are keeping me from coming out completely and the other one is simply coming out at work, which seems infinitely less difficult. Actually, I've been trying to collect some nice dressy, work type clothing - it's sucks that nice clothing for women is so expensive, especially for the taller niche crowd. Poopy.

Well, that's probably all for now. My breasts are getting bigger slowly, further exaserbating the internal war I'm having with telling my Mother. My Third shot was this Saturday and I almost let myself not take it. Lol, I had to laugh a little though at the thought of not taking it as, for one, I have breasts already, they're just really small, and I refuse to jeopardize their development. Also, I had to remind myself that I can't let my life be ruled by what I'm afraid of, because there will always be something to be afraid of - the trick will be to keep pushing.

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Oh yes, one of my roommates is on Deployment with the Military at the moment and I realized how dependent I was on her for support when I would go out. Now that I have to go out on my own I am definitely more self conscious. My own neighborhood is different, of course, since so many people already know me as Vanessa and it is more embarrasing to have them see me looking like a guy.

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Where Is My Mind?

I hope I didn't make you feel bad, but I just thought it was somthing to smile about lol

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Misery is my company, why do I stand out from the rest of the people around me.

Mustang Mach1? Mmmmmmm... Want!

I found it easier to tell Mom once I'd started on hormones. OK, she put it down to just another chemistry experiment, then I told her that I'd been to the doctor's and my boobs were growing. She was OK about it.

The trouble came later when I came out to the world and changed my name. It took a few months, but she came 'round and we went shopping for my first ever bra... She wound up doing what Moms are supposed to do for their little girls and half of her certainly enjoyed it, even if the other half wasn't pleased about losing a son.

You'll know your Mom better than I do, of course. I'd suggest you broach the subject with her, because having Mom help you through second puberty is a god send.

She's been helping me set up home and in her early sixties, she's enjoying being Mom all over again. If you have this opportunity, don't pass it up. Of course, there's the risk that she won't take it well. The book True Selves has saved the day for quite a few of us.

Coming out at work is a different matter. I know things are different where you are, so I'd suggest contacting Jackie Enx who knows a thing or two about going through transition in California and the pitfalls. She's from LA orginally and now lives in SF. She's full of wisdom. She writes the column "Lost in Transnation" that I publish here and is also available in Talk magazine.

You can write Jackie at tgcolumn@msn.com

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The Daily Turnout - King of the Throne Room

I wasn't offended bp and I did find it humorous. You so sweet but don't worry I'm not easily angered, I'm a big girl (lol, that's not an invitation to call me names though)

Thanks Reenie, it isn't so much my Mom I'm worried about as much as my step-dad since he has far more direct contact with her and the last thing he said on the topic of just the gay community was "if any of you turn gay I'll shoot you myself," . . . heheh, oh that crazy guy, he'll say anything for attention. Now he is a scary brute of a man on the outside but he is very smart and a real softy on the inside, so I don't really worry that he's going to shoot me (that would only solve one of his problems). He is the person who my wonderful Mother spends most of her waking days with and I just don't know if my memory can compete with a constant bombardment of negativity. I guess we'll see - I am planning on telling her 3 Saturdays from today (oh the fun that is my life).

Anyway, my breasts seem to have taken a breather since the beginning of this last weekend, but they started getting really sensitive again today which I associate with the increase in hormones. Really I didn't expect to see anything happen until the end of this or the next month so I'll just have to keep my pants on a little bit longer.

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Good news everybody! It looks like the Temporary employment with my Bank is going to pay off with a long term position with full medical benefits and retirement plan, plus, I may be able to still use my insurance license to make even more money.

I had a sort of panic attack 2 days ago for some reason that I really couldn't begin to explain, so I started irrationally worrying that my boobs were inflating on a per minute basis and everybody was looking at me. This was, of course, way wrong and I had nothing (immediate) to worry about, but it did give me the opportunity to assess the issue of coming out at work. Most of it is pretty obvious reassurances of how it is my right and how to go about doing it, but what put a smile on my face was . . .

. . . so what if I have a bust line and haven't come out yet. If I do a good job, take pride in my work, and I don't let people look down on me then how can they have a problem with me?

Legally I'm untouchable but if I'm also doing a good job at work and in life then I just can't imagine being given a hard time at work.

It put a happy smile on my face when this occurred to me and now I think I'll be getting some well deserved sleep. Night all!

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Where Is My Mind?

*artificially happy tone* Wanna here a funny story? You do? Great. WELL ...

^^^^^

that's how I typically start to tell someone something they aren't going to like.

Last night I put Diesel fuel in my parents high performance Ford Mach1 and this morning it wouldn't start - Mach1's only eat Premium Gasoline after all. Despite the initial shock, the parents have been pretty calm about it and (really) I think it is all going to be fine since I barely drove it after I put the gas/diesel fuel in it, maybe, it's just my insuferrable optimism. Never-the-less, I feel like such an idiot despite not being very stressed about my predicament. In the end everything will work itself out, I know that because everything has always done that to itself (though not always in a way that I would like).

Still it would have been nice to not made such a potentially large screw up this close to when I was planning on coming out to my dear mum.

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Where Is My Mind?

"Er, Mom, I'm sorry I put diesel in the 'stang..."

If things are a little strained, it's actually a good time to 'fess up to just about everything so as to clear the air. Nothing like a good downpour...