hi im new here and need advice , my son has told me he wants to change his gender and i need help with this is there anyone on here i can chat to?

If your son is under 18 years, your best course of action might be to contact Mermaids - a very experienced family support group for trans children and their parents.

The Mermaids home page is here:

http://www.mermaids.freeuk.com/

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http://www.spinwatch.org/

There is also a support group called Depend for family and friends of Trans people (Does anyone have a link for them?) that may be useful.

I do realise what a big shock this can be for families, but parental support can be really important and it's good that you are trying to find out more.

Feel free to post any question s or queries on here as the people here have a wide range of experience in these issues and may be able to help.

Good luck!

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Cheeky Cat!

thank you for your reply posts

im trying to find out as much info as i can on this matter as i really want to be as supportive as possible for my son

i have made the first steps of going to our gp with him and have told grandparants and father who both took it very well and offer their support

has any one got the phone number for defend as the one i have is the wrong one

thanks again

how old is your son and how did all this come to light - i say son in the sense you have used it - no offence - but is this a Male-to-Female issue or have you called your son ('born daughter') you son for the sakes of posting here

sorry for any mix up about gender im new to all this

he was born a boy and is now 25yrs

i have known for a long time that he wasn`t happy but he is the type of person you have to wait for him to come talk to me, i thought he might have been gay for many years and was just waiting for him to tell me that.
he came home on tuesday of this week and an told me he needed to talk to me and to bring my laptop ,then he just put the gires site up for me to look at and after said thats what he was feeling.
I just huged him and told him i loved him very much and i would support him 100%
then we sat for many hours talking

Oh Shar...

Your tale of your child coming out to you has actually made me a little teary

It's hard not to cry, it's so sweet and wonderful

Lost for words now

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Wow, your daughter is so lucky to have such a supportive and caring mother. I however can't help feeling that you are rushing this. I know you want to help your daughter as much as you can but it seems like you are treating her like a kid instead of the young adult she is. Shouldn't she be the one coming out to the relatives, and shouldn't she be the one contacting the doctors? Afterall, she is the one with the trans-issue and no matter how much you care you still do not know how she feels.

As I said it's great you're so supportive and I wish my mum was even half as interested in helping me as you are your daughter but perhaps you should give her some space.

Afterall, she is a big girl now. From the way you were talking I thought your daughter was 12 or so.

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she said she went to the gp WITH her and from the context told her grandparents as thats what she wanted.

This appears to be supportive not doing something for her. My Grandparents told my whole family after I told my parents who i have little contact with and them simply because as grandparents they are better connected to the whole family and I dont actualy see my aunties and uncles etc that much and even though this is in my distant past I still dont have much contact with my extended family mainly as i live miles from any family members.

I havn`t done anything my daughter hasn`t asked me to do, she asked me to tell her father and grandparents and that is all is to know for the time being, she asked me to go with her to the doctors like she has always done before as we are and have always been exstemley close, i would never undermine her in any way and im going at her pace
I feel quite affended that you think im treating her like a 12 yr old
We have had such a lovely day today together chosing clothes for her to start wearing when she feels she wants to and at no time have i pushed her as i have said before i wait untill im invited to take part with stuff.

I agree with you Shar you appear to be very supportive and doing all the right things unfortunetly some of the comments you will find on these forums can be misleading and incorrect id just ignore the post and carry on being a great mum!

shar - it sounds like you're still doing a great job there - keep at it, and please do keep posting any more questions you have.

Tarabeth22 wrote:

I agree with you Shar you appear to be very supportive and doing all the right things unfortunetly some of the comments you will find on these forums can be misleading and incorrect

shar - many apologies for taking this off-topic, but I really couldn't let this comment pass.

Tarabeth - HOW DARE YOU post saying that other posters are misleading and incorrect as if your opinion is the only one which is correct - and is ALWAYS correct. Others are equally entitled to their opinions too, you know, even if they don't happen to be the same as yours!

shar - once more, my apologies. I probably shouldn't post this at all, as I'm well aware that Tarabeth will reply - probably in mulitple posts - and won't ever let it go. However, I find it difficult to let slights such as this on other forum members pass without comment.

Dave

Thank you Tarabeth22