Given this is a topic of debate in another thread, I thought I'd do a proper poll on this matter.

For those posters who identify as being transsexual, did you do any form of cross-dressing prior to transition?

As some people may have felt that their cross-dressing prior to transition was of a more sexual nature, the first set of options are 'fetishistic'. There's nothing wrong with this having been perceived as your motivation at the time, and if at the time you felt it was a fetishistic thing, then please select this option. With respect to 'occasionally' and 'regularly', please similarly give how often you felt you cross-dressed at the time.

Please only select "Never" if you never actively experimented at all. Exceptions are allowed here for the odd party at which for laughs you might have 'drag'ed up, but if this was more than a few rare times then please use a cross-dressing option.

Remember, as far as I know the poll responses are anonymous

Edit: Another reminder to please try and use what you would have called it then, not what you interpret it as now in hindsight.

Edit 2: Sadly I could not add any more options to the poll, because of the forum software limitations. Because of this, I apologise for the lack of androgynous, and genderqueer options

Edit 3: This thread is NOT for debating the appropriateness of any of these, and not for debating matters of trans theory. Please keep any replies posted here to you own personal experiences, and perhaps those of others close to you who can add more flavour. Do not make any sweeping generalisations.

well of course people are going to dress as a way of eleviating the confusion of dis attachment of body image hence its often used as a factor in diognosis of the individual.

There is no such thing as a gender spectrum for one TS people would be all girl girls ultra femme.

alternatively it would mean it was a choice to move from TV/CD TS HBS is not a choice but a pre natal condition.

Lemme see.........

Never, ever did any cross-dressing (one-offs at parties, etc allowed): nope. i started, in my earliest memories, when i was about three or four.

fetishisticly crossdressed in private on occasion: there was a time where i was doing this occasionally.

fetishisticly crossdressed in private regularly: there were a good number of years when i was doing this daily.

fetishisticly crossdressed in public on occasion: never. irrespective of my response, and the consistency of it and lengthy period that it occured over, i was always felt ashamed of it.

fetishisticly crossdressed in public regularly: see above. i could never understand TVs.

Crossdressed in private on occasion: when i was trying to understand the sexual component for the first time, yes.

Crossdressed in private regularly: this blurs with the next one for me, as the more i did it the less i became ashamed and hence i experienced the sexual component associated to 'dressing' less as well. as that tailed off i went public.

Crossdressed in public on occasion: see above.

Crossdressed in public regularly: oh yes.

Crossdressed in public permanently or almost permanently (e.g. when not at work): prior to transition the only-time i didn't present as 'femme' was when i visited my family or i went on works conferences. everywhere else, down the pub or in the office, i was an absolute genderqueer. which led to my speech therapist being lost for words when i told him 'but i'm not out yet!'. yeah, lady, right.


i chose to transition. i could have held it off for longer and tried to maintain an existence as a CD, but i wouldn't have been happy. on the other hand, i didn't choose to be trans. i never wanted to be HBS, dammit.

even cancer patients can deny, or try alternative, treatment, ya know.

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"Throw yourself in the road darlings! You haven't got a chance!" - Withnail

Until I was about 16 or 17 I didnt even know what a transsexual really was. I honeslty thought my feelings were unique seeing as though teh only experiance with this was from Jerry Springer, I did not identify with those people at all. I crossdressed in private on a regular basis, often going through cycles of throwing everything out in guilt only to come back again. From the information I had available to me though, I didnt feel as if I was cisgendered, CD, TV or TS. Only through education of the terms did I learn that my feelings were known as bieng TS.

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I look back at most of my life and think "WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?!??"

The posts by La_Glitch and Scaeme echo my own development, in many respects.

I knew what trans people where, I knew I had some body-altering desires, but I didn't associate the two.

My own cross-dressing at the time was distinctly fetishistic, and I felt quite guilty over it. As a teenage person with male hormones flowing through their body, the sexual nature was unavoidable - practically everything at that time was sexual!

Ironically, it was moving away to university, and losing access to my mother's and sister's clothing that forced me to confront my reasons. If I had continued to have access, I would imagine that my story would be much like that of La_Glitch.

Of course, the run-up to moving away to university was when I gained my good TS friends. Amusingly enough, although I pencilled transition into my future, it took me quite some time to realise that I was trans after all

Edit: Of course, it might amuse people to learn that my friends now agree that I was a regular cross dresser and damn good at it back then I mean, I managed to pass very well as male for the first term at university

Im not even going to get onto the issue of fetish crossdressing and then transitioning as within the guidlines for diognosis for NHS and private care if this is disclosed it can be a major stumbling block for actual diognosis which says it all really.

I agree sexual arousal is constant as a adolesent male and it may coincidently occur during people being "dressed" its when the "dressing" causes that arousal when its the dressing for arousal etc that can be predjudice to a diognosis of TS/HBS since when did a woman get aroused putting on a pair of underwear in the morning. This is the approach doctors use.

Tara, in the opening post I have asked that people not judge anyone else or the activities that they got up to.

Such behaviour is not welcome in this thread. Please cease and desist, and do not attempt to further justify the post. Everyone is allowed one mistake

I did not judge anyone i made a quantafiable statement that if poeople wish to associate themselves to it is their own business.

i'm not associating with it. it's just a fact of my post-op TS/HBS, fully diagnosed, living and breathing as a woman, comfortable-in-my-gender-identity life experience. the fetishistic component i live through was not an identity, but is something i've lived through. and now, years later, i'm learning to not be ashamed of that. because, really, where does shame and self-loathing get you.

in fact, i never identified as TV/CD/or anything, and it's only in retrospect that i say i exhibited those behaviours. same with being TS, i don't identify as it, but it's part of what i've lived through and always will be

squigglefish, i think your story is probably closer to mine than you think. i started to work through my issues at university, hoping they would go away and, when they didn't, realising i had to figure out how to deal with them. it's not like i liked the sexualised component, absolutely the opposite. i hated it.

however, and i'm not saying this to be snarky or score points, i honestly did feel that i couldn't categorise as requiring transition due to the sorts of opinions i met, mostly online (as for years i was the only trans-person i knew), of people like tarabeth. those kinds of absolutes held me back and even made me, amongst other reasons, *scared* to be TS. i mean, i'm just not like those people; it felt like accepting some ideas, unconditionally, would still leave me no room for personal growth and just send me from the frying pan (of living as male) to the fire (having to defend my asserstion that i'm a woman, constantly). right or wrong, that was my perception, and why, like i've said in other threads, debates such as primary vs secondary, or AGP vs HSTS, damaged me. i couldn't find myself fitting into any of these categorisations, yet examining my own life history, hell, i'm pretty damn transsexual and now i'm definatly a woman.

it's people who are trying to understand where they are, and where they need to go, that i feel for, because i've been there. and, in my own personal experience, gender affirmation, reassignment, whatever you want to call it, cannot be bound by absolute categorisations.

finally, i'm not knocking tarabeths own experience, because i wonder if she feels like shes being attacked here (in fact, i bet she is), but rather her assertion that *this is what it's like for everybody*. she seems to talk a great deal about sexualised gender dysphoria, even though i'd wager that she knows nothing about it. it's as bad as radfems pontificating on transsexual people, while ignoring and slandering the real voices of transsexual people in their debate. it's as bad as blanchard and bailey labelling us and then suggesting we're liers if we respond to the contrary. and it's why this debate always gets my back up.

Quote:

Im not even going to get onto the issue of fetish crossdressing and then transitioning as within the guidlines for diognosis for NHS and private care if this is disclosed it can be a major stumbling block for actual diognosis which says it all really.

i was honest about my history when i transitioned and i was made to feel filthy about it, even though i knew why i had such history and, by that point, i'd already worked through it. in fact, the psychiatrist i saw was not even remotely intrested in my own perceptions. i'm still amazed that he managed to diagnose meconsidering the amount of time he spent talking (and listening) to me (i got mones on the second session, by the way, and i'd already got off my arse and completed speech therapy, i'd been self-medding, i'd gone 'full-time' (which was hardly a shock to the system, really, considering) and i'd changed my name, off my own back, without any other supervision than an understanding GP, who couldn't diagnose me anyway).

good job i'd already figure it for myself, ey?

tarabeth, you have no idea what you're talking about.

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"Throw yourself in the road darlings! You haven't got a chance!" - Withnail

Thank you for your input, la_glitch, however I had asked that this topic be avoided here, as I would prefer this thread be about the diversity of personal experience alone, rather than part of the on-going debates.

As tara was allowed a mistake, so are you

Please can people stay on the core topic here. I know the desire to debate is very strong indeed, but that will not help. This thread was intended to be a welcoming environment for all to explore each other's history. I'd like to keep it that way.

No rebuttals or apologies needed, just keep to the purpose of the thread, ok?

I see some similarities here to my story.
But first, one important point:-
Having a fetishistic element in ones cd history is NOT going to AUTOMATICALLY disqualify one from a diagnosis as TS.
Please point me to the appropriate thread(s) to clarify/argue/ justify that point.

I dressed fetishistically through my teens - basically getting off on underwear. I did always have a desire to dress fully, but very little real opportunity. btw, I discovered the sensation of sexual climax at about age 4..... when did everyone else?
I indulged several times a night from that moment on!

After age 23, I had opportunities to dress fully and linger...... at which point I discovered that if I was going to use the dressing as a sexual stimulant, I'd better do it within the first hour or so as my drive towards any sex at all evaporated in a prolonged situation. Many times I dressed up specifically with a sexual agenda in mind, postponed masturbation and wound up simply undressing hours later feeling contentedly asexual.

At some time over the subsequent decades, what sexual component there was faded out. When I transitioned, 11 months ago I did in fact wear my fetish item, but just as a matter-of-course. It was what I'd always worn, therefore was how I now dressed....simply my clothes, which I therefore put on every day when I woke up.
A couple of months into transition, I realized that wearing anything which could be construed as fetishist was simply inviting anyone who noticed to misjudge me and attribute wrong reasons. Since it actually made damn-all difference to me anyway, I changed my habit.

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I started out with Nothing - and I still have most of it left.....

I'd say for me and I'm open about this I have started out dressing privately in my bedroom when I was 11, pretty much I felt very out of place with myself as young boy until I came out to my parents at the age of 23 that I wanted to change into what I am now today.

Yes at the stage of puberty I have found some sexsual satisfaction dressing as a girl, until I've found out by doing some research that I had the same symptoms for what TS people have included.

But experimentation has played a big part for me in discovering my true identity.

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Misery is my company, why do I stand out from the rest of the people around me.

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"...risk something, take back whats yours, say something that you know they might attack you for..."

I was 21 before I could and never looked back since. Although since being on testosterone for over year, with certain parts of my anatomy getting much bigger although the urge is stronger than ever in that department, it is getting harder to achieve the big O

As far as cross dressing goes I have always dressed male from being a child (with many battles with my mum over this) but I do think it is easier for ftm's than mtf's to do this in public without any fear.

i've taken my time to reply to this, but point taken squigglefish. i shall behave better in the future

i would like to say thank you for starting this topic though. for *years* i struggled with the above and it took me a long time to become fully comfortable with myself because of it. i was terrfied that the gatekeepers would deny me access to treatment as well, and i was scared that people would think i was just a man who thought he was a woman. the implication that people would cast me in such a light chewed away at me all the time, and so i couldn't be honest about where i had come from. not that i'm proud of my past, far from it, i honestly wish i hadn't undergone that and, in retrospect, all the evidence was there to say that i was actually TS from the very beginning, but fear and denial can be very powerful and distorting factors.

so, i appreciate this chance to just be honest about it all, without fear that it would cast my very real womanhood into question.

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"Throw yourself in the road darlings! You haven't got a chance!" - Withnail