Please let me start of by saying that these are my thoughts and feelings on the subject of transsexual, transvestism, cross dresser, queer or whatever you want to call yourself, me I will stick with tv. As such do not follow or take these writings as professional, medical or mental directive guidelines. (If that makes any sense.)

I am over 60 and have been tv ever since I could remember. I have always wished and still do wish that I had been born a female of the human race.
Many years ago, in the 60’s I did try for a sex change on the NHS and got as far as having an appointment with a “consultant” in a major Glasgow hospital.
Now please remember that these were the days when being “queer” was a crime, a social disgrace and would bring shame on the family name. So it was of some fear that I had made that very large step.
Anyway the appointment didn’t last long, although it seemed like hours and it was a very nerve racking experience. I still feel apprehensive when I think of it. The long and the short of it is, I came away with one very large question that I had to face,
Do I :-
1….. Live as a woman for a couple of years and have the Op
or
2……Carry on living my closet lifestyle.

Not a big decision, at least not at first sight, all girls would go for number 1, even me, as I knew that that was me, I would be free to marry the man of my dreams and live happy ever after.
For weeks I tossed and turned at night and often I would daydream through the day of my wonderful life to come in the future.
BANG NOW COMES REALITY
What real man is going to go with woman who still looks like a man in drag. (I don’t mean any disrespect to our gay friends by saying this). But I want a man to love me for my effeminate self in a heterosexual way and not in a homosexual way.
(if you can understand what I mean).
I thought of the heartaches and agonies that this would (not if) cause my family and few friends that were close to me. As I indicated earlier the gay way is not for me, and yes I have had a short relationship with a man and he actually pointed out to me, that he could never love me as a woman, and if I did have the “Op” then our affair would have to end, and it did. What do I think of him, I thank him for his love and understanding of my feelings and for helping me make up my mind of NOT going further on my quest.
In hindsight I did make the right choice, when I see some of the disastrous decisions being made by the medical establishment and ourselves because of how easy it is now to have “the snip” and not enough to show the difficulties that lie ahead.
Please don’t misunderstand me, there are some lovely looking women who live in this world of ours, but how many are living in a wonderful married lifestyle and how many are living a lonely life.
Me, I still think of my past life and what could have been. I still love to dress up in a nice dress, put my “face on” and dream.
Now I have six wonderful grandchildren an understanding wife, no money, and more than enough of happiness. All this would never have happened if I had said yes.
The conclusion to my story is, think long and hard and be brutally honest with yourself on making your mind up. It may be better to live in the “closet” than to be forever pointed out as “That used to be a man”
From the bottom of my female heart I wish all of you, who will have to make that decision and I hope that it’s the right one, the best of luck and I hope you have a happy and wonderful life, no matter which choice you make.
Now many might say that I was a coward for taking the decision that I did, others might say that I did not have enough feminine thoughts to make it as a woman. I say to them, I am and always have been in my mind and in my heart, a woman; it’s just this body that’s different and that is what I have to live with.
I also hope that the man who pulls your knickers down, is the man that you love in a heterosexual way, (there is no other way), because no full blooded homosexual male is going to be anywhere near you.
My love to you all,
Jean

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Overweight and Over 60, with so much love of women, that I wanted and still want to be a woman, but size makes a difference.

Hello and Welcome to the Zone, Jean!

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http://www.spinwatch.org/

Thank you Stella I appreciate your welcome.

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Overweight and Over 60, with so much love of women, that I wanted and still want to be a woman, but size makes a difference.

Hi Jean, welcome to tzone and thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us.

Jeancd wrote:

What real man is going to go with woman who still looks like a man in drag.

Would you have looked like a man in drag? I know that hormone replacement therapy doesn't make miracles happen but I have seen some remarkable before and after pictures from some trans women.

I am glad that you feel that you've made the right choice and you are happy with your life, regret can be a terrible thing.

I think everyone's situation is individual and I believe that there are a lot of trans women that live much more happy and productive lives and do get married. I think a lot of the success stories if you like are often left untold as people often don't want their past to be in the public domain. I'm sure that occasionally someone does make a mistake, it is wonderful though that help is available for people that have a strong gender dysphoria, for some people it is literally a matter of life and death.

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Chrissy
Forums Moderator.

Always have faith and believe in yourself.
Never run from the truth.
Have the will to change your fate and your spirit will never die.
Check out the tzone team bios here: http://www.transgenderzone.com/bio.htm

Hi PurplePrincess,

Thank you for your well informed reply, I agree with you 100%, I only wish we had the same choices when I was a young girl, (not that they could have helped me much.)''
Crying or Very sad
I did indicate that these were my personal observations and even with the medical advances that have been made, there are still wrong decisions being made. Even 1 mistake in a hundred is too many and can leave some poor lady in a fix.
Having said all that, let's rejoice in the success's that have been made and wish all the ladies well.

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Overweight and Over 60, with so much love of women, that I wanted and still want to be a woman, but size makes a difference.

Hi Jean, welcome to Tzone . A bit belated I know but I read your post and felt I had to reply.

I thought for a while that I'd be lonely forever and look like I used to be a bloke. In spite of that, I started hormone blockers and started to slowly become more comfortable with myself. I went almost a year with the same lack of interest from men. Lost a bit of weight in this time and saw my scalp hair increase and other hair descrease. Suddenly, I had about four or five men at once showing an interest. One of which was my best friend who used to see me as male but apparently found the switchover very easy. I briefly saw one of these men which was a mistake on my account as I wasn't attracted to him really and I had a sexual relationship with my friend for a couple of months. I can safely say that they went for the feminine aspects and always steered clear of the stuff that's waiting for the renovations so yeah it is possible to have a relationship, no matter how impossible it may seem at the beginning .

That said, I'm glad you've found a way in which you can be happy within yourself without transitioning. Everyone deserves to be happy .

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Hellfrozeover be a pirate and a Transgenderzone moderator.
Living outside the TG umbrella... it's not actually raining like some would have you believe!

Single: Three months...some promising breakthroughs
Within healthy BMI: Ten months and still going lower!
Outside of work fulltime: Over a year
Work FT: Ha! Not in a supermarket, jobhunting!
MSN: At least tell me if you add me. I get a bit paranoid lol.