Hi everyone, I'm new to this and have read a lot of your discussions.. very nice by the way. But basically I need help.. I'm questioning my gender so much, confused out of my mind. I've been put into mental hostpitals and what not bc I havent known how to control my life. I don't feel as though I know how to function naturally it's so strange. I cannot relate to females. I've been in isolation mode for about a year now, severely depressed like most of you have probably been. I'm just so used to seeing myself in the mirror I dont wanna say goodbye. But i know the way my mind is does not match what I see in the mirror and it's pulling me back and forth.. im male one minute and then I'm female (ive even had ppl mention to me that i switch) but I think Ive trained myself without knowing it. I can't live my life.. I dont know how.. Ive forgotten what makes me happy and my gender crisis has taken over my life.. It's all i think about, nothing else matters n e more. I need to find myself so it comes natually and I can enjoy life : ( Help.

Hi and welcome

You are right in thinking that alot of people here have experienced depression and find life hard to live alot of the time but there is hope!

Have you had or are you in some sort of councelling? Talking openly about your feelings is definately a good place to start. If you say whereabouts you are someone might be able to suggest a therapist local to you who has experience with Gender issues.

Please dont feel you are alone - you most definately arent! Well done for making your first post here (I remember how scary my first post was)

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I have to EDIT because I can't SPELL!!

Hi Mads21, Im Elliott, im 20 and a transman,welcome to Tzone, and im sure everyone will agree with me on here that we have all felt similar to how your feeling at the moment.

Having gender issues doesn't nessecarily mean your trans, or anything, and a good peice of advice that i got was that it's ok to be confused, hopefully, the guys and gals on here will be able to answer any questions you have and put you mind at ease! they certainly helped me out loads!!

Take it easy

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Creativity takes it's inspiration from the Tortured Soul

wow i just wrote like 500 words and it got deleted so Im kinda upset right now!! ugh.
ok here I go again!
Thank you Elliot, I've been reading a lot of forums but never actually joined so I am pretty excited/ nervous at the same time. I really hope I can get the help I need, its all very confusing and seems hopeless. But I cant keep goin on like this!.. i'm jealous of those out there living it up bc I should be able to too ya know.
Juz~ What I mean by that is well in certain social situations I'll switch more female when talkin to a female but when talkins to a male.. I do feel more comfortable, if im relaxed.
I also feel as though I have more of male feelings.. like women are very caring and on the go a lot, more social and what not. I just dont relate.. even though I can be a pretty girl, Im scared to know I cant be this person anymore on the outside.. I'm so used to it. : / I've had people say things in the past (before I even knew something was diff about me) like under their breath.."oh she wants to be a girl now". And i never said anything bc wat the heck, kinda freaked me out a bit. I know this is why my relationships never last.. I get the cutest boys and everything but I seem to act more like them!.. more like a friend too. Just dont know how to move or function the way a female body does and it makes me mad, but then I gotta just relax and let things flow but I dont know how!

George~ hi there and yes I am seeing a pyhciatrist (spell) but she's telling me I'm wrong and that shes got to get me thinking differently. So I dont really know what to do there..
I'm thinkin about callin a gender theropist today seeing if that works. I juts dont want somebody telling me this is whats going on when it's really not. I just wanna do the right thing and def dont want the help of someone else to push me in the wrong direction if you know what I mean?
This is the scariest part of my life.
I really feel as though I've been changing mentally for the past couple months.. like a diff person

Hi Mads, and welcome to tzone!

You mention that you're seeing a psych who's telling you you're wrong and so on. That doesn't sound like a good psych who can help you to me! You don't say whereabouts you're based, but if you let us know a rough idea then maybe someone can help you find a counsellor with experience in gender issues in your area.

In the meantime, keep posting and we'll all do whatever we can to try and help. Why not start a blog in the blogs section and post about your day-to-day feelings? A lot of people have found that it helps!

Look forward to hearing more from you!

Dave

Hi Mads and welcome to tzone.

Mads21 wrote:

wow i just wrote like 500 words and it got deleted so Im kinda upset right now!! ugh.

It is annoying but very occasionally there are forum glitches, it might have been a glitch that deleted your words. I've lost a few long posts myself before, and now I always copy what I've typed into my computer's notepad before posting it just in case.

Mads21 wrote:

I am seeing a pyhciatrist (spell) but she's telling me I'm wrong and that shes got to get me thinking differently. So I dont really know what to do there..

I don't think a psychiatrist should be telling you that your feelings are wrong, how can the psychiatrist know your feelings are wrong. I think that only you can know how you are feeling and psychiatrists can help you understand your feelings but I feel that they shouldn't be trying to change how you feel about your gender identity but instead perhaps try to help you to understand and explore how you feel about things.

I'll second what Dave said about writing a blog, I think it can really help to get your thoughts out into the open, and you'll probably find a lot of support from the other tzone members.

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Chrissy
Forums Moderator.

Always have faith and believe in yourself.
Never run from the truth.
Have the will to change your fate and your spirit will never die.
Check out the tzone team bios here: http://www.transgenderzone.com/bio.htm

you guys are right about the psych and i just wanna say if you need to know how to spell it is 'psychiatrist' I never knew how to spell it but i write alot about my help from his so there you go any way lol.
Mads i understand exactly what you are saying and i'm feeling the same things as you right now.
All i can say is listen to yourself, after all you know exacly how you feel. Your psychiatrist aint right for you if they say anything like that it might be a good idea if you can see someone else. Its up to you i mean i would. Anyway i wish you all the best i really do.

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No where to hide.
The only shelter was myself and now it has turned against me.

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Girl/ boy/ butch/ femme.. I'm just ME!

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Girl/ boy/ butch/ femme.. I'm just ME!