Just joined this forum in the hope that there might be some one out there who might be able to give me a bit of help. Will only give a brief run down of my life as dont want too many people falling asleep and although i feel right now as if i am the only one who is like me im sure there must be another one somewhere.

Started wearing female clothes at around 7 or 8 (im now 42) at the age of about 20 something started taking hormones with a view to having SRS but for 1 reason or another didnt continue and tried to distance myself from anything girly, but all to no advail which eventually resulted in me taking an overdose as i felt as if i could no longer live the life of two people, and there lies my problem. I do not consider myself to be a transvestite or transsexual but a bit of both, does that make sense? I am married and have a really understanding wife who i love madly, and two great kids but i do on occasions feel really low due to the fact that the two sides of me dont get on too well, (it now must sound as if i am losing my marbles!) I feel as if i am some kind of she male and would love one day to have breasts as the thought of me kicking the bucket being 100% male scares me to death. Im just wondering if there is anyone else who can relate to what i have just put and if so how do you cope.

Hi Shelly and welcome to Tzone. It sounds like you have been experiencing this dilemma for a long time. That must have been very difficult. Most people have doubts and fears about whether or not to transition, so you're not alone.

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Hiya Shelly and Welcome to Tzone!

In some ways I can relate to what you're saying. At the beginning of last year I started taking hormones with the wish of transitioning. After two months i'd had time to think about what I was doing and decided that what I wanted out of transitioning was not what I was going to get, so I came off the hormones.

I see myself as stuck in the middle, I came to accept (After a lot of soul searching) that unless a miracle drug was announced that would allow me to become completely female (Physically) that I would have to find some medium were I would be happy to be both. If that makes any sense My friends are wonderful people and because they know i'm transgendered it allows me a bit of room to be who I am even though I still present as male. I still haven't gotten all the way there yet as i'm learning as I go along but this way i've found a happy middle ground and it seems to be working well

Hope that made some sort of sense!

Love and Empty Cola Bottles

Ren

Thanks Ren, the trouble with me is when i get on a bit of a downer i begin to feel as if i am the only person in the world who feels the way i do, for some strange reason i feel the need to belong to a group whever its TV, TS but my girly feelings lie much deeper than just being a tranny but not deep enough to be TS i feel as if im just drifting around in space. I would just like to get a deeper understanding of why i feel the way i do, but i feel im looking for an impossible answer i know the shrinks round here are at the best hopeless and are just out to make a few bob.

im seeing a councellor coz im confused too this may help you aswell.

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your heart is trying to rock, but it can barley beat at all, your soul is trying to run but all your body does is crawl, you don't need any signal, you dont need any sign. Nothings going to stop you once you cross over that line!

I can also very much relate, Shelly. In fact I was thinking of coming around today with some similar question (which I will).
I think there are all too many people who can relate, so, for one thing, I think you shouldn't ever feel alone on this.

I personally can not relate to the term "she male", however. "Genderqueer" could be more like it...

Ren, it's really inspiring to see that you can be and feel "both sides". But how can you -practically- do that ? It's really interesting

Cant be having none of that Gender Queer Irini, although i guess its what you mean by the word Queer. I can only relate to sayings i feel i am which also knocks out Ladyboy as i ent no lady and at the age of 42 im not much of a boy anymore. I like the term she male and my wife will sometimes refer to me as a He-she which is also fine by me

Androgenous i think thats the word my doctor used- coz i can feel felmale ( well who can feel male with periods?)_ or male just ask dwayne!

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your heart is trying to rock, but it can barley beat at all, your soul is trying to run but all your body does is crawl, you don't need any signal, you dont need any sign. Nothings going to stop you once you cross over that line!

Shelly, you indentify with whatever suits you. That is not for me to critisize or anything (I hope I wasn't misunderstood ). For some people it "works" to think they are both men and women for others that they are ...beyond men and women. What "works", for anyone, is all fine with me