I remember hearing this Rudyard Kipling poem in assembly at school and it really inspired me - particularly the last line.

IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!


I guess I'd just assumed that I would be a man one day. I never really considered the process because it seemed so natural and inevitable.

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"In the depths of winter I finally found that within me there lay an invincible summer."

It is a fantastic poem and must get quoted a lot. The last line doesn't apply to me though, lol.

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Chrissy
Forums Moderator.

Always have faith and believe in yourself.
Never run from the truth.
Have the will to change your fate and your spirit will never die.
Check out the tzone team bios here: http://www.transgenderzone.com/bio.htm

Ha I like the blog name

That is one of my most favourite poems ever. And I actually got a good grade on the essay I had to write about it way back in high school. Unusual thing for me to get a good grade on an English assignment.

At school, we had to learn If by heart for the English class. Poor kids...
In Russian (very good) translation the end sounds literally as "you'll be a Human"

From Kipling's poems I know, most of all I like The Smugglers' Song

Watch the wall, my darling, while the Gentlemen go by

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I have to EDIT because I can't SPELL!!

I finally set the ball rolling and went to see the GP today. My own doc wasn't there, but I'd got myself geared up for it so I bit the bullet and saw someone else. I'd rehearsed what I was planning to say and actually managed to spit it out quite well considering how much I was shaking. He didn't really asked me many questions, but took me seriously and was very understanding. I'm waiting for psych appointment and if all goes well I'll be referred to The Laurels eventually.

Went and bought my first bloke razor to celebrate - apparently it's the best a man can get!!

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"In the depths of winter I finally found that within me there lay an invincible summer."

Congrats!

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I have to EDIT because I can't SPELL!!

Well done Luke - telling the doctor for the first time can be very nerve-wracking, but it sounds like you did what had to be done! So now you're onto the waiting game - it may feel like forever, but you'll get there. And from what I've heard, The Laurels is a good place to be referred to, so I'm sure you'll have no problems at all

Dave

Well done Luke .

I'm glad the doctor took you seriously and he was understanding too.

_________________
Chrissy
Forums Moderator.

Always have faith and believe in yourself.
Never run from the truth.
Have the will to change your fate and your spirit will never die.
Check out the tzone team bios here: http://www.transgenderzone.com/bio.htm

Told my girlfriend this weekend that I want to go ahead and start transitioning. It's been hard for her to get her head round as she's always identified as a lesbian, but she's being really accepting and wants to be on this journey with me. We're both feeling rather scared and excited at the moment. Not only am I blessed with this wonderful woman, but my ex-partner (co-parent to my son) is also incredibly supportive and wants my transition to be a positive experience for our son. I haven't talked to my parents about any of this and I'm sure their reaction will be much more difficult to deal with, but at least I have some people on my side.

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"In the depths of winter I finally found that within me there lay an invincible summer."

Great news that you are being supported by those near to you - makes things much much easier!

My body has never felt more alien to me than when I was pregnant. It was an incredible experience and I'm glad for so many reasons that I did it, but I also found the whole process very disturbing. I was diagnosed with post natal depression, but it actually started during my pregnancy as I struggled with the dichotomy of being myself and being a woman at the same time.

Feel like I want to try to take ownership of my body now that I've been able to accept who I am. It's not like I'm getting a brain transplant (!) so even when my body is different it will still be this body. I've started doing weights and when my cold/cough clears up I'm gonna start running again. I seem to have successfully given up smoking by realising that damaging my body isn't achieving anything or making me feel better.

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"In the depths of winter I finally found that within me there lay an invincible summer."

I can't believe how quickly things are happening. I sent my mum a letter yesterday and she phoned me first thing this morning. She wasn't freaking out and wasn't in the floods of tears I'd anticipated. Just got home from long talk with her. She has completely surprised me by being incredibly supportive and positive. She obviously has lots of worries and questions, but she said she wants to be there for me and try to understand. I also got a congratulations text message from my brother!

Had my first proper shave yesterday! Went out with my girlfriend last night and braved the gents toilets in a couple of pubs. There are a lot of new firsts!

My deed poll arrived today too. I've got an appointment with my boss on Monday morning to talk about things. Looks like I'm gonna be Luke full-time much sooner than I'd antcipated!

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"In the depths of winter I finally found that within me there lay an invincible summer."

I'm now officially transitioning
My work colleagues found out today - my boss issued a letter that I wrote - and I've got 10 days off to let the dust settle! I've now got the task of changing all my documents

In some ways it feels like a bit of an anti-climax, but I'm planning to mark the occasion in some way. Time to say goodbye to Lindsey Rebecca and celebrate the birth of Luke.....

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"In the depths of winter I finally found that within me there lay an invincible summer."

Great news Wow, you are getting lots done! I bet it feels good though?

Has Dan from Western Boys got back to you? The next meet is on the 16th - itd be great if you could make it we really are a friendly lot - honest

Glad to hear you are getting support from your family, it makes things so much easier