Hi
A little about myself: I'm Irish and live in Dublin. I'm 22 and the youngest of 3 children. My brother is 30 and getting married next month. My sister is 27 and lives on the continent. I'm just finished studying engineering in college and temperarily living at home, which I haven't done since I was 18. That's probably enough for now.
I went shopping yesterday with my brother and his fiancee. I didn't want to go. They didn't want to go. But Mum insisted. She wanted me to buy an outfit for the day after the wedding. For some reason this translated into 2 dresses, a cardigan arm thingy, jeans, a giant cardigan jacket thing, a vest and leggings. Exactly how I'm ment to wear all of those at once I'm not sure. If you haven't already guessed Mum was just using the wedding as an excuse to buy me girly clothes. Despite the fact that I hate them.
I ended up crying 3 times on the shopping trip, though luckily 2 were in changing rooms so no one saw. I was banging my head against a wall, pulling my hair and biting and scratching my arms (I have problems with self-harm but thankfully had no knife with me) trying to stop myself screaming at everyone for making me do this. My brother was angry that I didn't like the clothes. I asked him if he'd like to wear them. He thought I was just being stupid. My Mum doesn't understand why I'm angry at her but I don't try to dress her up like a doll. I just hate wearing clothes like that, it feels like a lie.
On the plus side I went out with my friends after and had a good time

I does seem that your Mum is using the wedding as an excuse to try and get you interested in some more girly clothes. Perhaps she feels that if she bought some that she thinks looks nice on you then you'd might like them too and start wearing more clothes like that yourself, which of course I'm pretty sure you don't want to do.

saphirefox wrote:

My Mum doesn't understand why I'm angry at her but I don't try to dress her up like a doll. I just hate wearing clothes like that, it feels like a lie.

Have you tried explaining to your Mum in the past why you don't like to wear girly clothes? Of course you don't have to have a reason why, you might just feel that they are not for you.

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Chrissy
Forums Moderator.

Always have faith and believe in yourself.
Never run from the truth.
Have the will to change your fate and your spirit will never die.
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I went through exactly what you are going through when I was younger with one of my auntie's weddings. My grandma (who was much like Lou Beale on Eastenders, trying to live every one of her family's lives for them) was determined that I could not carry on down the road I was going and my dad (her son) and mum wanted to honour her. I kicked off big style about not wearing a dress or skirt (head banging included) and finally managed to get thorugh to them this was not going to happen. Thanks to my mum I got away with wearing an androgenous suit with trousers not skirt (white and horrible 80's with leather tie but hopefully things have moved on since then).

It would be helpful to know what age you are, you may have said somewhere but I have missed this. The only advice I can offer is to stick to your guns, don't get over aggressive (which I did but it didn't help) and try some compromise.

Thank you both for the advice.
I think that's exactly what my mum's doing PurplePrincess. I've told her lots of times that I just don't like that type of clothes or how they look on me but she only seems to hear what she wants to hear and thinks I'm just not confident enough about my looks or something. Even when she seems to understand what I'm saying she's forgotten by the next day
I'm 22 snowdoggy. I keep offering to compromise but that seems to translate into doing exactly what my mum wants.
I don't want to be ungratefull. I'm sure loads of people would be really happy to be bought loads of clothes. But I don't want them.

Well, I had a interesting day today. I went snorkling with a friend and we ended up getting rescued by the coast guard! I liked the wet suit I wore. It flattened my chest and I liked how it looked. If it wasn't made of almost pure rubber and ribiculously warm I think I'd wear it everyday.
I think I'm getting more confident in myself. There were loads of skangers hanging around the beach and they were trying to make fun of me when I was walking home. I didn't care. I didn't feel I needed to fight with them. I just thought they were stupid and pathetic.
There's a few more hairs on my face than there were before. I don't take hormones so I'm not really sure why they've appeared. I'm happy though!

_________________
Chrissy
Forums Moderator.

Always have faith and believe in yourself.
Never run from the truth.
Have the will to change your fate and your spirit will never die.
Check out the tzone team bios here: http://www.transgenderzone.com/bio.htm

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If music be the food of love, stand by for a good rogering

...annoying mostly.

They're scumbags basicly. I don't think I'd use them to hang skis, they'd probably grafffit them and throw them on top of a bus shelter. What's a petard?

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If music be the food of love, stand by for a good rogering

I tried to shave today, just a little patch to see how it turns out.

My mum has been annoying me to get my legs waxed and to pluck out the hairs that grow on my face. Now she thinks I have some sort of hormonal imbalance that my cousin has. That should probably not make me happy but it does. Because if there is more testosterone in my body than their should be then I'm not just crazy or stupid or confused feeling the way I do. I've agreed to get a blood test to see whether I do have the same thing as my cousin or not but I've told my mum that if I do I don't want it treated. I'm nervous and excited, maybe this test will tell me what's going on!
I tried to tell my mum that I wasn't into guys the other day. She wanted me to do a sailing course so I'd "meet a nice boy" and I told her I didn't want to and I like guys as friends but not to kiss or anything. She kind of laughed about it and said I wasn't ment to figure that out till I was her age. I'm not sure if I'm being to subtle. I had a poster up in my room for a good while of a naked woman. Does she just not want to notice or should I just tell her straight out that I'm gay? I don't want to have an argument or upset her. I'm confused. Am I even gay? I'm not attracted to guys much at all, the only ones I ever kind of like are very effeminate. But it still seems the wrong way around when they have the penis and it goes in me.
I'll let you know what happens with these tests.

Well the blood test were pretty normal so I don't have the same thing as my cousin. I guess I should be glad.
The wedding went really well. It was actually sunny and everyone was really happy. I had to shave under my arms and wear make-up but I wouldn't shave my legs cause the dress went to the floor and I really didn't want to. I changed out of the high heels the first chance I got.
I'm looking for a job now and once I get one I'm moving out again. I've told my mum I'm dressing how I want from now on and I'm really going to try to be myself and be happy.
I'm on a diet and going to the gym lots cause I want to change my shape. I really don't like how I look now, even though I know I'm an pretty attractive girl. I have large breasts and hips and a narrow waist. I'm hoping that if I loose fat and gain more muscle in my upper body I'll have a more androgenous shape (and also be stronger). I hope I've enogh self disipline to keep it up though.