double posted in the section about clothes as it's about clothes AND GQ issues.


Hi people..

hoping someone will have some cool stuff to say which may help me navigate this minefield which is being oneself and being out in wider society. It is so frustrating to me at the moment the bloody binary system and people's insistence that one must be either boy or girl.

1. I have arrived at a point now where I cannot say I am female any more, when in a position of needing to do so. It's just not a choice any more, because it feels like a lie. I don't feel I have to challenge it if it is unsaid, but when it's overt I cannot say it. It's just not true. But I am not a boy either.

2. I am also increasingly when out and about trying to present in a way which makes my non femaleness more obvious - I am not male so I cannot dress as male (and don't want to) - so as a femme the only way to do this is dress more like a boy dressing as a girl for fun... binding, clothes like tutu's which hide my hips and bum, big make up, highlighting my jaw and nose, etc, making my hair bigger. Drag queen -esque, and a git gothy. as well as indulging my latent sissy with some amusing and fabulous new frocks I'd never have dared wear as a girl, cos I'd look like a boy.

3. I prefer the name Dennis. i do not feel ready to insist that I am addressed as such, but I am testing it out a bit with a few of my trans friends and I like the feel of it. It feels like being recognised all in one word. I am practicing using it with new people to see what happens.

My question today is really this... one of the problems I am finding is that in order to address the fact I am not female it means pushing gender right out front. If I introduce myself to new people as Dennis, it is causing immediate questions and confusion. They are easy enough to nip in the bud with short answers, but I feel a bit like I am smacking everyone in the face with my genderfucked-ness at the first breath.

This feels OK at the moment and kind of amusing to me, but I am wondering how that feels when one has been doing this a bit longer.. The problem is that when people first talk to us, for them it is very important to place our gender.. so unless I do something about it, I will be assumed to be female. I just can't cope with this any more in general (although some times i feel it's easier not to draw attention to it, I am aware of this being a cop out on the trans front. I'm sure there are some days we'd all rather not have to come up against gender issues, I guess I am lucky to be able to go stealth when I want to, but it feels like a cop out).

How does this work for everyone else? Is this a kind of GQ issue or do others have this problem as well?

Do most other GQ or transgendered people here present ambiguously in some way?

Do others find themselves having to explain their gender all the time or can we feel content in people making whatever assumption they like?

After all what business is our gender of anyone else's? (apart from the problem that if we don't take control of it, we will be labelled with some gender or other).

I know I am asking for it wearing a tutu and saying my name is Dennis, but the other option is simply to be stealth and for some reason this feels uncomfortable for me at the moment.

Are there any ways round this, it feels like a bit of a millstone at the moment. I wish sometimes gender wasn't so bloody important to everyone - but on the other hand some of the time I am really enjoying playing with people's notions of the binary gender system and using it to make my own gender presentation more accurate and stir up their own narrow parameters. I am definitely feeling very aware that if I go full time with this I am going to have no choice but to keep coming up against the issue constantly and having to explain my gender. But then everyone does that - it's just normally people's gender is more straightforward, or at least fits the social binary system.

Really interested in any comments anyone has on this issue.

Thanks

Dennis

PS you can also see my blog for what's been going on - last three or four entries.

Sorry, QD, I've seen this post languishing here and not really been sure whether or how to reply to it.

I guess you know you're not alone! I tend to find that my identity is a bit of a hotch-potch, or either I'm confused about it myself, so that almost any guess made about it by any one else doesn't quite hit the mark; it's constantly up for revision and correction. Which I'm sick of, really - I'm very happy with what I've done with this part of my life, but do occasionally yearn for simpler times.

One way I think I've got it easy is my body, though, which is fairly blank and boyish. It's easy to whack some trinkets on it which can influence people's perceptions. Does feel like permanent drag though, which some days can be, well, a drag (is it possible to avoid that pun?).

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'There's only three real monsters, kid: Dracula, Blackula and Son of Kong'

Mr. Panucci

Dennis can I ask what style of goth dressing do you go for?

I'm suprised you actualy go for that kind of fashon style abit, not many Trans people go for the darker style of dressing except me which I seem to feel like the only one here.

most goth fashon I really love is the black PVC dresses and the corsets and long skirts, or the punk goth look and leather clothes.

maybe you can share some of your likes on gothic dressing

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Misery is my company, why do I stand out from the rest of the people around me.

oh ok

heh I was meaning here on Tzone sorry I should have been more detailed with my comment.

sorry about that.

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Misery is my company, why do I stand out from the rest of the people around me.

it would be good if I can get some Trans goths to get into contact with
although I'm not quite sure how they will see me as a person I feel kinda lonely.

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Misery is my company, why do I stand out from the rest of the people around me.

Hi all
I'm back
From inner space
Waa
I currently identify as gender disidentified (last year I was TransDyke GenderQueer, but I got bored of the constant explanations). I usually pass as a gay man (a campy clone; vest tops, flip-flops, tight jeans - showing off my lack of a dick), when I'm not dressing up as diesel dyke (vest tops, tight jeans, big boots and biker jacket). Sometimes I switch during the day/evening, and I (usually) make a point of alternating between M &F toilets if there ain't one for me (I have a GRC, so it is risky sometimes, but hey-ho, thems the breaks)
I wear everyday clothes in a queer way, mixing M and F, crossing genres; biker, surfie, indie, rock-chick, punk etc. I have a bright pink mohecan and trademark pink accessories, and drive a big loud fast fuckoff 4X4 pickup truck blasting out high-energy dance.
Can ya tell what it is yet???? (and where's me stylophone..?)
In embodied terms I'm a surgically and hormonally female bodied (genitals only), maleish faced conundrum (wrapped in a mystery, encased in an enigma), constantly finding new ways to confound the binaries. I often forget my HRT and have PMT rants, which adds a little extra flavour. Yes, it is wearing at times (no pun intended), but I find most people recover from the shock and learn not to ask questions or hassle me (they seem to find my snarly 'and your point is?' attitude a bit overwhelming). My most potent tool is my stock of snappy comebacks, painstakingly developed over the years.
I am blessed in many ways; unemployed, highly educated, a crusty traveller with influential family connections and independant means (from several dodgy business enterprises), so am able to get away with my shenanigans in a way many wouldn't. Incidentally I don't live in one of the queer ghetto's, but neither do I live in a deprived high-rise. I live in low rent, south coast middle england, in a quiet residential street where I'm relentlessly friendly and helpful, and everybody knows me and my hystory. When I'm not touring europe with a mobile tranny bar frightening the hippies.
So in summary I'd say being overtly and sucessfully genderqueer depends largely on whether you have the balls (um.., mine are in a skip in charing cross, a BIG skip) and the circumstances to get away with it. It works for me, but done wrongly could result in an early death etc. It is a whole heap of fun, and takes away the pressure to pass, which personally I found a far worse imposition. I find the more I tell people the less they want to know. Which is nice.
Anyway, I'm off to southern spain now to drive my brothers 11 tonner at high speed through europe, seeking redemption and a big 'wig and merkin' party in wales.

xXx

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Do the opposite of the current fashion and you will nearly always do right - Jean Jacques Rousseau

Hi Chrissy and welcome back to tzone.

Certainly an interesting re-introduction , sounds like you have a lot of fun in life. Have fun in the sunny south of Spain. I really wish I were there right now, this lousy lack of summer here is not good.

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Chrissy
Forums Moderator.

Always have faith and believe in yourself.
Never run from the truth.
Have the will to change your fate and your spirit will never die.
Check out the tzone team bios here: http://www.transgenderzone.com/bio.htm

Welcome back, Chrissy.

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The Daily Turnout - King of the Throne Room