Years ago, my trusted mechanic returned my Audi to me after a top-end rebuild (including a head-skim). It went like a rocket. I took it to Bristol and back (in the days when you could treat the A38 like a race-track).

On the way back, I thundered out of Churchill lights in pursuit of a Cavalier that had pulled a sneaky and gone 'round the side. When I eased off the gas, the throttle linkage popped its ball and socket joint, leaving me with a box full of neutrals, or so it seemed. The car cruised to a halt up the hill.

I pulled the handbrake on, popped the bonnet and, standing on the front bumper, peered in. I could hear no sounds from within, so smooth was the motor running after its rebuild; the ambient noise of passing traffic easily drowned it out.

I blipped the throttle and it was at this point that I realised that I'd left the blighter in "drive". The beast roared forward with no-one at the wheel and me clinging on for grim death.

My mechanic was rather embarassed when I recounted this tale to him later.

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If music be the food of love, stand by for a good rogering

Well done Skyler .

I had faith in you that you could get is working in the end.

*gives you the Medal of the Ubuntu Fixer*

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Chrissy
Forums Moderator.

Always have faith and believe in yourself.
Never run from the truth.
Have the will to change your fate and your spirit will never die.
Check out the tzone team bios here: http://www.transgenderzone.com/bio.htm

If only I can get CPU Frequency Scaling Monitor to work and stay working so my CPU isn't running at 100% all day...

Google Calendar is my hero for emailing me reminders about shot day

I like Google Calendar too. It sends me text messages to remind me of stuff.

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If music be the food of love, stand by for a good rogering

Aha a forced mount has given me the ability to save more stuff from my failing hard drive. Ubuntu said I had to force it because it shut down improperly last it was used (what could I do, Windows XP wasn't loading) and said I did so at my own risk
So I did and am now working on moving stuff to the external hard drive.

Had trouble with one file but so far everything else (and I've moved quite a bit) has read/written just fine.

I'm currently watching an American soccer game, trying to pass time until the Euro final. Yes I'm a soccer fan now I'll have to remember the next Canadian Championship game is on Tuesday. It's not that exciting, there's only 3 teams, but hey.

Also I can't freaking wait until the Olympics. There's no sport competition I enjoy watching more. I ended up watching some of the US track & field qualifier last night and it got me feeling all excited about the Olympics.

I think soon I will be calling the gyno I was to be referred to and see if it's happened yet...
It's been basically a month...why does everything take so long?
I don't know if she's referred me already but I haven't been called yet, or if she hasn't gotten to it yet.

Maybe I can make an appointment directly if they haven't gotten the referral. But it'd be better if they did because she was going to forward the medical history so I wouldn't have to go through all that again.

I really hope I don't have to wait a year for the surgery. For a number of reasons but mostly because I'm tired of being in pain! Maybe pain will get me in quicker *shrug*

I'd like to get bloodwork done not only because it's been something like 9 months since I had it done (asides from the ovary cancer test thing which was done again in March because of the pain) but also I'm wondering where my hormones are at. I'm a little concerned estrogen might be too high or T might be too low or something. If they turn out to be ok I'd have peace of mind and if they aren't then at least I know to do something about it. My levels actually haven't been checked at all it's basically doctors haven't been concerned as long as my organs and everything are OK, and I haven't previously been concerned because I was masculinizing well and felt good and everything.

I've thought of the gel as the gyno suggested, to have more even levels would be good. But firstly I don't know if I'd be ok with dealing with my hormones every day, and considering gel doesn't work so well in everybody...I'm just not willing to switch from shots until I'm post-hysto at least. Because if I take it another way now and it doesn't work so well with me, the monthly hell might come back and I can't take that. I'm sticking to what I know works for now.

I've been wanting to get into better shape and lose some fat (though there's a bit of hesitancy in the losing fat because I'm afraid it will make my moobs more apparent/harder to hide) But it's not really going well. I try to make an effort to get exercise but end up only managing it once or twice a week, if that. The rest of the time I'm far too tired because of the sleep apnea. Some mornings I wake up, eat something, then have to go right back to bed because I'm so tired! I can wake up feeling even more tired than before I went to bed.

I wouldnt worry bout the losing weight thing making your moobs appear larger or more noticeable. If anything from my experience it has helped hide them more.
Since ive lost my weight, my moobs have lost fat too which has made them seem empty. They are still big dont get me wrong, but they always were. But they seem to have become emptier. I can now get into smaller t-shirts etc so losing weight has obv made them lose fat too.

Thanks for that Mike, that is a good point. I have lost some fat from erm that area a while ago, so I don't know, maybe I could lose more.

My laptop's being a bit of a bastard...
I've been thinking my next might be a Macbook

For the hell of it, some pictures of me recently
http://i117.photobucket.com/albums/o44/smahtcanuck/tilt.jpg
No idea why I tilted my head, it felt right at the time

http://i117.photobucket.com/albums/o44/smahtcanuck/july002.jpg
I like that when I smile I look more like my brother than like my dad

That second photo is excellent, Skyler. You have an infectious smile.

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If music be the food of love, stand by for a good rogering

I would make one of them your avata, there good.

you look good with hair son and that's a fact.

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" Too many years fighting the tears, Why can't the past just die. Try to for give, teach me to live, give me the strength to try. No more memories, no more silent tears, no more gazing across the wasted years, help me to say. Goodbye"
From Phantom Of The Opera

Fishkeeper is Admin staff for FTM's.
My Bio. http://www.transgenderzone.com/bio.htm
we have a library
http://www.transgenderzone.com/library

feel free to browse

Thanks Reenie I had no idea

I think it is me to have facial hair. I probably should shave most of it though. The sideburns are a bit on the skimpy side and the jawline moreso. But I can't get myself to want to, I keep thinking maybe if it grows long enough it'll eventually look alright

Looking totally great, Skyler!
I like the first pic better (the one you used for the avatar). The second is great, too, but the first realy looks very alive, not just as a photo, but like really real and almost breathing!

Skyler is red-bearded, Skyler is red-bearded!!!!

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I have to EDIT because I can't SPELL!!

I think my graphics card may have problems too. Ubuntu had been having problems and eventually stopped letting me past the login screen. I thought it was just the new nvidia driver it had installed but nothing I did improved things. I didn't think it could be the card though since running Ubuntu off the CD worked fine. I tried anything I could think of and eventually just gave up.

I thought I'd try just erasing it all and giving Kubuntu a try instead. At first it seemed like it was going to work but then something in the lappy decided it didn't like it either.

I finally tried Xubuntu and things went alright. Until I installed an nvidia driver (no not the one that had screwed things up on Ubuntu, the one that I'd been using before that one) Then firefox would freeze a LOT whenever I tried to look at websites.
So I disabled that driver. And things work fine now. Sure my screen resolution sucks, and Armagetron Advanced doesn't work too well anymore (I'd gotten rather hooked on that game) but at least it's usable now.

If my graphics card is going then damn, does everything on a computer have to fail together or something? Here's hoping my CPU isn't going to fry now or something...

I'm not dealing well
There are 3 surgeries I need to feel ok about my body and I'm not going to be done them anytime soon.
I'm only even on the road to one, and it's not the one that's going to take away the need to uncomfortably hide body parts so people won't be aware of them and question me.
I've thought of taking out a loan for that but that wouldn't do me any good without someone to come with me. Unless I'm going to go and end up ripping my stitches trying to take care of myself.

Besides I'd rather not owe money when I've not that long ago gotten out of debt...

So I need to get a job so I can get money for surgery (maybe get it after I've moved to England or something...meh I don't know if I can wait so long, and what if it doesn't even happen then...) But it's difficult to get myself out there when my chest is so wrong and, well, no binder is 100% foolproof. Plus people may know I'm trans anyhow since I grew up here and there's always the possibility of running into people who knew me before transition, and because everything still says F on it. I've not had any bad experiences so far, people who have known have just treated me as male and not made any comments or asked any stupid questions about it.

But how long can that last? I'm not naive enough to think I'll never run into somebody who's really hateful about it. I remember the plethora of homophobia that existed in my high school. I can't imagine what those people would have been saying about trans people had they been more aware of it.

Especially now that their knowledge of trans men likely consists only of Thomas Beatie.

And being pre-surgery makes me so much more anxious about it.

I have a stye, at least that's what I think it is. I had one not very long ago and now another one. It's made my eyelid go puffy which is annoying (looks funny though)

I got the same thing about 14 years ago. I had several of them within a few months.

So I had one a little while ago and now I've got another and I don't know whether or not there'll be more to come...
Sucks to have pain every time you blink


I've been playing old FPS's lately. Wolfenstein 3D, Spear of Destiny, Doom, etc
I think in general I like older games better than new ones lol
Not that there aren't newer games I really like, just that there are loads of older games I still like playing