ok I'm officially hooked to Psyclon nine Thnx Erik

that was the first thing. the second: the ruff in da jungle yesterday afternoon. but i guess i can say a big YAY after it. yep. i did the real talk with my aunt. she wanted to do it a couple of times earlier but i could sense that it would eventually end up with a fight so i didn't do it. this time it was all peaceful. emotional from her side (she's simply like that) but i came out with all the sensitive elements, almost every aspect of it - yep, the binding too, but not the packing that would have been too much at that moment
i just did my best to find the words to tell her how down I am, and what are the exact reasons for it. i even told her in detail exactly how i feel about my body. we're really close, i believe you got the picture by now. i could always tell her private stuff if i had chosen to. this was an extremely sensitive subject until now, but after that talk was done, i felt really relieved. i know she's still gonna need time to get used to it. well, time she has. no matter how bad pronouns (and general bad grammar with it) can make me feel, i believe i can press my teeth and hold on, as she did when we talked.
i know i had to go through this. she's an important person in my life, i already said, like a mother, taking care of my education, and being there in many situations... this would someday be something she won't have a problem remembering. she seems so fragile at moments, but i know she's strong.

so i believe it's okay. i'm so glad i can talk to you guys about stuff like this. been really down the previous days and really needed to spill it out. i can be a real emotional idiot sometimes but i can't help it. i say to myself GROW UP but eventually end up like Peter Pan and his escape from time.
you know

Igor

I'm so pleased that talking to your aunt went well - it's always good to know we've got the support of family members. I've discussed binding with my family (parents) but never mentioned packing - or, in fact, anything about my thoughts on genital surgery. I doubt I will ever discuss packing with them - though obviously I'll tell them if and when i decide to have lower surgery!

Dave

Awesome that you told your aunt. Sounds like it went well.

Quite a long time ago I decided to try a Mango STP and, well, one day my mom came with package in hand and said there was a package for me and that it said "medical prosthesis" on it and then commented that she probably didn't want to know and I said no you don't

Then again this is the woman who, after I'd come out but before I'd started transitioning, commented that I didn't need genital surgery because I could just use a strap-on
I don't think she can say something like that and then be really bothered about knowing I bought a packer

It sounds as if things are slowly coming together, good for you son.

_________________
" Too many years fighting the tears, Why can't the past just die. Try to for give, teach me to live, give me the strength to try. No more memories, no more silent tears, no more gazing across the wasted years, help me to say. Goodbye"
From Phantom Of The Opera

Fishkeeper is Admin staff for FTM's.
My Bio. http://www.transgenderzone.com/bio.htm
we have a library
http://www.transgenderzone.com/library

feel free to browse

Hoorah for your aunt!
From how you describe, she sounds an understanding and caring person. I am very glad it went good for you.

_________________
I have to EDIT because I can't SPELL!!

Yep, juz, she's just like that. i'm aware that she'll need time but at least some things are clearer
anyway. would like to post here more but i'm experiencing a summer flatdown nothing serious, except for the hyper-increased amount of laziness substances in my blood. the weather is VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY hot again - ABOVE 40 - GEEZ!!! - and I feel like just laying around or playing Need for Speed Underground (anybody else that plays this one????), or Diablo 2 (again!!!). had no luck with finding a job yet. do you guys believe this: i found an add in a paper, which was about transporting stuff through the city with a bike - which would be a great job for a biker like me, I'd enjoy it - but they are only looking for people from 30 to 40 years old. hmmm i'm starting to doubt whether i'm on the same planet or not. don't get me wrong, i got nothing against people that age, and i don't think they're too old for that job, but there are so many young unemplyed people here and they're literally pushing us out. really don't get the guy that wrote the add. i'm seeing things as they are - no motivation for people my age. i got 2 more years on university and then i'll be a translator from english and german to macedonian and vice versa, and i'll still be unsure whether i'll get a job or not. i'm paying my ass off on this uni, hoep somethin comes out of it. my motive at the moment is one professor that just finished teaching Theory of translation and interpretation with our group (year 2 only, i'll miss him ) and he's translating poetry like it's nothing. he has around 35 years of experience and has worked on Shakespeare too. Worthy of respect, don't you think?

hope things will turn out well at the end for all of us. we need to be fighters in life no matter what - that's why i'm still here and still keep my head up. i have to.

40°C is too hot for comfort! I'd buy you a cold beer if I could!

_________________
http://www.spinwatch.org/

Well, it's the planet... on my home planet that is normal temperature heheh love messin' around like that. thanks stella hmm i wish i could get you all from the best beer produced around here - called Skopsko - that means "from Skopje" (a beer produced in London would be "Londonsko pivo"), which is my most loved city and the capital of MK as well we have really hot summer days and pretty cold winter days - and almost no snow. anyone here into snowboarding, ski jumping or downhill?
I'll be back tomorrow at around 10 GMT. Bye guys!

A bit later than I thought, but here I am Just wanted to tell u guys that I finally found some work in this galaxy - and yes, it's what I'm studying at university - translation. Got in touch with a social care center and doing good - the coordinator who gave me the project (something about legislative regulations) said he was really satisfied with the work and that he would definitely bring on some more.
I'm kinda... (cringe*).... cuz I'm still forced to use my given name and stay under the pressure (you probably already read about the situation here) but if the job is good (and hell it is) I guess I'll have to keep it up. I got a life to live (don't know where this came out from ) anyway. that would be it for today. off for some Quake 4 now Cheerio!

Igor

That's cool that you've got a translating job and that you're doing well at it mate! I know what you mean about having to go by your given name etc, but sometimes needs must - before I started the job I'm in now, I had to do a temp job, and I decided it was way too much hassle to try and explain about being trans to a bunch of people that I'd be working with for 6 weeks or so and then would probably never see again - so I didn't bother. It was very weird being called "she" and treated as female for that time, but still a whole lot easier that coming out as trans for that particular job!

Dave

tnx dave
it's really cool being employed once again. summer jobs are a must-do for us uni students i've worked in an office and a sport TV station (some amount of journalism and programme setup - it was fun) but this is something different. finally something what i can say "this is what i'll do" about. even though some texts can be boring, the job is great. i know, some people would say "what do you need translators for, when there are so many translating programs?" well, imagine the name of some famous politician translated into its everyday meaning in that programme - and the whole thing goes down the drain. also, there's that really nice thing called poetry. it takes a lot more than mechanical knowledge to translate that, to keep its soul, its feeling, its impact, the way the original did. this is the way i've been taught. and i don't just accept it as a lesson, i AGREE with it.

About some interesting circumstances - since the place where I'm getting my projects from is a social work centre, something good might turn out of it. They're (unfortunately) not actually working with LGBT much lately, but things can change. Got a couple of friends who are interested in creating a fresh organisation, and we might cooperate with these guys, if not more, than volunteering. Maybe I'll get to meet a trans person IN PERSON which would be most helpful for both of us

Well, enough about that. Hangin out in a internet cafe with my man later on we'll have a nice bike ride in the cool evening. i miss the rain again. doesn't go up to 40'C these days, but it's still bad enough how is it in the UK?

Hope to see Wall E soon. friends that have seen at least some of it say it's great. I've seen some trailers on youtube and know I need to see it.

Well, that would be all for this evening. Hope to get some more work this week. Not to lose the rhythm In the meanwhile I'll be watching the last episodes of Toriyama's "Deathnote" - anyone seen this? One crazy work of art! There are free fansub episodes so feel free to enjoy!

Good to hear things are looking up for you, lad!

_________________
http://www.spinwatch.org/

Tnx Stella. Nice to have you people around

Ahh nice. Rain for more than 24 hours. Wind. Dragonball Z. A couple of more days till I start studying for new exams (terms here are chaos )

Will be off to my friend's place tomorrow. A nice, normal, black/death/folk-metal girl studying something about management and bank stuff (I was never good at this). I've known her for 7 years now, she's known ME for 3 heheh. Will have some nice time, I'm sure of it.

Waiting for Friday. Pay day, haircut day, new PC game day. It'll be nice.

Considered shaving, finally. It's not necessary, to be honest (looking decent enough), but it's about time for some stuff to start happening.

Well, I guess that's it for today Bye guys, till next time