Hello Igor.
Glad to see you've got a blog, here.
I'll be back to read some more as soon as I can.
I think its great that you've got a boyfriend who understands you and that you can be open with your aunt, even if she doesn't fully understand. She will in time! You are very young and I really think you are in a good track!

(You want to learn Faroese !!! / I just love the idea of distant islands in faraway seas )

Hi Irini, thanks for replying. Feel free to talk about anything, I wanna communicate with people on this forum as much as possible.
Thanks for the supportive opinion. Hope this good track won't go off course!

Yeah, Faroese is a really cool language. One of the many As I already said, I love the "northern" languages. Norwegian sounds so dark, sacred and perfect in black metal Try out Dimmu Borgir if you are into that kind of music (I don't know what kind of music you listen to yet, please post on this)! Everyone else is also welcome

Now where should I start?
The music !
I used to belong to the Heavy Metal "clan" myself, when I was in my teens (and that was ...quite a while ago...). I was fond of bands like Metallica, Maiden, Motorhead, Queensryche etc.
Dimmu Borgir (did I spell it right?), that must be "new fruit"
Anyway, after my teens I had a turn to other kinds of music, especialy other kinds of rock music. I liked (and still do) many different rock genres, especially those inspired by the "counter-culture" and even more those by the "counter-culture" of the 60s and 70s. Oldies! Notably, oldtime psychadelic, progressive, folk rock and the such...

I also tend to like modern electronica music, psychadelic trance and the such..., and also some jazz, blues, ethnic, latin or whatever else sounds good...

And I also love some distinctly Greek musical genres, like "Rebetiko" and "Endechno" and, of course, all the classic local "counter-cultural" rock scene, too.

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I think translation (and interpretation too, although I don't know if you are interested in that) is an occupation with a lot of "future". I think you shouldn't worry about not finding a job in such fields. The whole world is coming, more and more, together, everything is getting mixed and the translator would be more and more a necessity (for example, I suppose Macedonia will soon be connected or part of the European Union which uses a whole lot of translators...). You can always mix such an occupation with things like journalism or writing, in which I see you already have some experience.
(Of course writing, by itself, doesn't "bring the bread in", I know that from experience . Maybe with schi-fi things could be different, however)

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It's a good thing you found lgbt people in your home city. Don't think twice, people, about getting organized and all ! Organization does have it's setbacks, it sure does, but I think it is an absolute necessity. Especially for us living in the ... great dry Balkan desert... Our life would have been so much easier if there was more organization and mutual support already...

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About that April 1st, custom of yours, does it have anything to do with carnival (for us it's earlier in the year)? Here at April 1st we have a very different custom: it's the "day of lies", everyone has to say a candid lie. Even the newspapers write one (and they point it out in the next day's edition) which is really silly, since newspapers, actually, write a whole lot of lies, every day

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anyway, that's all, for now

Heeeey that's one loooooooooong post thanks!!!

you say you used to listen to heavy metal? nice interesting choice of music you got there
by the way, Dimmu Borgir were formed in 1993 and sound totally different today not for those with weak hearts hehehehe if ya into psychedelic trance, try Tryambaka. pure madness.

There are a lot of people who have talked to me about the whole translation and interpretation thing, and they would agree with you. I had some subjects related to interpretation but I have a whole cheezy lot of stage fright in this brain of mine... anyway, i know i'd enjoy translation more (than shaking in front of a million people haha). hey I even listen to some fruity jungle while I translate. I actually enjoy it. I think it's very important for a person to love his/her job. otherwise there's boredom, lack of will, and some more boredom

the lgbt situation in the balkan region... hmmm look up the "trans love in the gay community" related topic - just published in Latest news. what I wrote there also applies to what's going on here. I wrote an e-mail to the ministry dealing with all kinds of labor and social stuff. a nice one. wasn't rude. it's wait and see now, i guess

and about April 1st - well, we in Macedonia also have a custom about the "day of lies". a billion lies and tricks that day, and even the most serious ones turn out to be a joke. either don't trust anyone that day or don't get out of bed hahahahaha
but anyway, kids, youngsters and not-yet-grown-up adults like to put a mask on that day. ever since i've known about my own existence, i wanted april 1st to happen every day so that i can be what i am, you know, "that tiny bit of freedom..." guess you know what i mean.

okay, gotta go now. read ya later

Yep, I think I understand what you mean. Carnival and carnival-like customs are a bit of freedom for everybody, in any case. As for the "gender role" aspect of that freedom, however, I have never taken advantage of it. Dressing up and going public has never interested me much. All I ever wanted was to have the right body (and not the wrong one). It is a good thing, however, that that small bit of freedom exists, for whoever is interested.

Thanks for the tip on Tryambaka

I looked in that thread you mentioned and it puzzled me, since it doesn't seem to have anything to do with "our Balkan situation" and all. I have written- rather hastily- an oppinion on that matter in this thread: "Balkans: Relentless Homophobia Rages in the Balkans" which is in the "General" category.
You sent a letter to the ministry ! I hope they have their ears open, though I doupt it... Ministries usually, wouldn't "let their ears sweat", as we would state it down here...

Well, I'll keep watching in on your blog, to see how you are going on

My best wishes, Igor !

Uff yeah, well we all got our own attitudes towards the freedom that is given (or not) to us. I just wanna be out and open, I don't wanna act anymore, and hide the real me. That's why I usually don't hesitate to come out, except in situations in which I feel it would not benefit me hehehe - for example that job thing just now

Yep, like I said, Tryambaka is great, you can also check Psychotic Micro, and search for djaggress0r on myspace, he's a buddy of mine, not very much in psychedelica, more in tech and house, but he's doing good If it weren't for him, I definitely wouldn't have gone this far in making music myself PLEASE check out my site too, link in my signature thanks! I'm still working on it though, and I'll probably make a brand new design but anyway

I checked my email just now, no reply from the ministry. Hmmm why am I not surprised?! ah well. you can lean on just the best of the best of friends today I think. Those who prove themselves to be worthy of it. I hope you guys and girls here become as close as my friends here are now

BTW something new I got my first shave today hahahahahahahahaha my boyfriend was there to make sure it goes perfectly well I barely have anything, but knowing myself it'll only take a couple of weeks for a decent amount even with no T. hey that'll definitely help me pass better!

Best wishes to you too, Irini, and to all of you here

Well, actually I don't think I've got much freedom, were I live. In this quite macho culture, being "less of the ...minimum man" is severely pinpointed... But that, is not the only reason for my stance towards dressing up. I am not very fond of dressing up in general. I like simplicity in garments. "Libertine" simplicity , perhaps. If I am blessed with the streignth to transition, I suppose I would be more than happy to continue waring my good ol jeens, sweaters and t-shirts (most of the time), as long of course as I WILL have the body that will require some kind of women's undergarments being worn underneath... But then again, perhaps if I do get to transition I would see things from a different angle....

Thanks for the tips on music! I have already visited your sites. I really like their artwork! But the fact is, my computers sound system has completely collapsed and I don't have the knowledge to fix it.

(Ministries, baahhh.... )

Keep it on , coming out and all !! I am happy for you !!

Talk about freedom... if it wasn't for this need of rebellious acts and showing all those discriminators and self-made human rights activists (that threat you with death or a nuthouse lockup) the middle finger (sorry about this, but sometimes a person has to stand up for him/herself) I wasn't gonna get any freedom. I'm talking about anyone on the street or on TV that wants people to think that he's doing good, while in private he washes his hands after even a handshake with someone different than his stupid and limited stereotype of a boring semi-human being. Here macho culture is also in, and those who don't fit in that crap are getting beat up just for walking on the street. I've seen it and I've heard it. People are scared to report it, because sometimes even the police is mixed up in it, so they know nobody's gonna do anything but enough about that.

Well about dressing up, we all have our freedom. I'm mostly into baggy clothes, regular stuff, T-shirts and shorts, but shirts and ties are always in for special occasions Gives a good feeling heheheh We all have the right to wear what we want and what makes us feel good and confident, right?
Hey I got my second shave today. You believe how fast this thing is working? I can't believe it, never would have even dreamed of it happening this fast. And with no T... which makes it even more surprising

Thanks for the time you spent to see my sites, I really appreciate every opinion I get about them. I know the music website is still bad, but I'm working on it and will say when it's up and running.
Thanks again for all the support. I'm happy if my friends are. And I guess I'm making them... right here

Yes you are making friends ....right here!

Keep on shaving, mate! The "shaving effect" you are discribing is quite common in adolescent boys. Well, we are going through another adolescence I suppose . It is really a "wonderment" how some things happen, when we really really want them to happen Even without the hormone drugs. I am experienceing some similar little changes myself

Your choise of clothes is just fine. And it would be just fine, anyway, if it makes you feel confortable with yourself . As for me, it would probably be quite a while until I would be able to ware some "night dress" in a special occasion, even if I wanted to Well, idependently of that, I have been having, these last days, some second thoughts about my "dressing up doctrine" Discussing this matter, over here, really put me into thoughts. Perhaps all that "simplicity" I was talking about, really belongs -mostly- to that "male persona" I've been dragging around in society. Perhaps the female me, when it finally emerges socialy, will be rather different. I still don't think there is much probabillity that I would be fond of any ...trendy, glamourous or "posh" stuff. But waring, from time to time, dresses and stuff that are either ...simple or "alternative" or something, I think I might like that (how is that, for a little "dose" of "female vanity"? It seams I've got some of it in me, after all )

Police? Baaahh They are into every filthy thing ...in the book, over here too. Power, even a little power, often corrupts. Power, is corruption itself, anyway... Resorting to police is no good. We should be able to support and defend ourselves. Collectively. But I suppose that is too far gone for our "Balkanian situation".

I didn't understand very well what you said, in the beggining of your post, about hypocritical (?) human rights activists and all. What ore you reffering to. "Non-profit" organizations and stuff like that? Are there "human rights activists" on TV over there? Cause, over here, all you can find on TV is homophobic, transphobic biggots, or gays who turn themselves into ...a show, talking "bitchily" about the last haircut or breastjob of cellebrities and other muck like that...
As for activism, I think it is at it's best when the activist really knows, first hand, what he/she is active about... For example, I think it is transgender people, themselves, who should be "activist" about gender issues.


Carry on, Igor, mate.

hehehe u say adolescent boys. well being on T would be going through adolescence again... even though i've been through that period once... i'm 21!

about clothes, yeah, i also think that primarily you need to be comfortable with yourself. uff especially at night.
in any case, you're the one that knows best what can benefit you, and you make the choices.

i agree that power corrupts. no doubt about it.

yeah, there are human rights activists here, something related to the helsinki human rights comittee, who are working, but it's never enough. i just wanted to say that there are people that on one hand claim to be human rights activists, and on the other hand kick you out of humanity itself. that's crap, isn't it? i understand how it is over there, cuz here we got the same thing pretty much.
i also think that trans people should be the only trans activists. anyone else simply doesn't get the feeling and even in the best intention cannot bring the human, emotional moment, the need we all have up on the stage.
hey i got some new pics. well not too new but i wanted you guys to check 'em out. here are the links:

in the park in the center of my hometown
http://www.badongo.com/pic/4137867

hangin from a pipe with graffitti background
http://www.badongo.com/pic/4137868

YOU THINK I PASS OKAY???

_________________
Chrissy
Forums Moderator.

Always have faith and believe in yourself.
Never run from the truth.
Have the will to change your fate and your spirit will never die.
Check out the tzone team bios here: http://www.transgenderzone.com/bio.htm

thanks. as soon as i got time and space i'll post some with my new haircut haha i got comments that it's too short ah well, gives a good feeling.
the new picture on my avatar is from a short while ago, that hair is way too long compared to this one:)

by the way, finally got in touch with a friend's friend that lives in Belgrade. that's a big step towards a strong connection with the clinic there. things are working out okay. u got a happy dude posting here

Hi there, tough guy!

Do you pass ??!!

Honestly, you look like a boy in his (late) teens. And a very guyish boy, indeed !!!
I'm sure you could soon "grow up" to be a handsome man !!!


Good for you, feeling happy, Igor
And you are making us happy, too

geez geez again thanks!
tnx again! and i'm glad if you're feeling happy too.

off for a bike ride now, the night's cool.
btw it's possible that tomorrow i get in touch with the best psychiatrist here, the only one who i actually trust from macedonian psychs. she's specialized in gender issues and i think she can do the job. wish me luck!!!

Nice avatar piccy Igor.

You look like you could be in a boy band in that picture, very handsome .

_________________
Chrissy
Forums Moderator.

Always have faith and believe in yourself.
Never run from the truth.
Have the will to change your fate and your spirit will never die.
Check out the tzone team bios here: http://www.transgenderzone.com/bio.htm